We Protect Those Who Cannot Protect Themselves

And all of plastic shopping bags in existence

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, “you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?” and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

How can I ever be conservative with my spending when there are literally beverages

Item: Baja Blastberries

i have seen this post on my dash 7 times now and every time i think more loudly, 'this is what Batman villain The Penguin's dialogue sounds like when they let him be fun to watch.'

“I don’t do math because I’m gay” “the gays can’t do math” “If I explain math on tumblr I’ll lose my gay card” all of you apologize to Alan Turing right now 

after nearly 2 years of near continuous isolation from the global pandemic i can say that the guy from the shining was a bitch i could do his job and not try to kill my wife and son. i havent tried to kill my wife once and ive spent way longer going insane

Do you have ghosts and demons tho?

being online is the same thing as being psychically attacked by ghosts and demons

girlboss? no. girlunion. girlstrike.

girlworkers of the girlworld unite

if jennifer of jennifer's body had just invested in some meal planning she could've stretched those dead boys into a week's worth of meals. that's why i'm so excited to announce the sponsor of this post, hello fresh. hello fresh is a meal delivery service that does the work of meal planning and meal prep for you, so you don't have to worry your pretty brunette head about figuring out where your next boy meal is coming from

BRING ME SCHRÖDINGER’S HEAD

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

“Me, refusing to leave: sir, this is my emotional hell” is a funnier text post than my original one, good job censorbot.