Now lets get the small talk out of the way

mike’s hard past couple of months

fuuuck accidentally mixed up dowsing rods and sounding rods and now my pepeneus can detect freshwater springs

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

it really is quite bad for your military to have an image of itself as a warrior class. what you really want is for your soldiers to think of themselves as boring professionals who will fill out a report form if someone gets a little too warrior ethos out there

are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?

weirdly enough i think it's easier to accept non sexual nudity if you're a bit of a a pervert. like people think "boobs are too sexy, people can't be normal about them", and it seems like a compelling argument, boobs are sexy. but when you realise that other things are sexy as well, things like stomachs, thighs, feet, back muscles, and you can normal about them in a non sexual context, so there's no reason anyone can't be normal about any other part of the body.

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

Sucking YOUR dick after a long day to relieve MY stress

one time a guy friend told me he was quitting league of legends and literally two weeks later she was on estrogen. these events are intrinsically connected in my mind.

There is still time [to stop playing league of legends]

I'm so horny I could fuck a person I was attracted to #TRUE

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.