I wish I knew why. I wish I knew why you come into my head at one in the morning
I wish I knew why you had such a big impact on me without even touching my skin. I wish I knew why you drove me so crazy, why your voice felt like velvet and what about you was so fascinating. I havenβt cried in awhile. The feeling has gon kindve numb and itβs just adding on to the weight my heart feels everyday, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. I donβt understand why things workout the way they do. I know their for reasons unknown and the universe has some weird way of planning out our lives before we can even predict them. But I just wonder why. I wonder why I wasnβt enough for you. How you can say I love you to someone like a broken record player but when that love gets tested it shatters. You can say my mind played tricks and nothing you sent out was received the right way And you can say itβs not real, you can say you were blind and you couldnβt see what youβre doing to me. You can say it wasnβt that I wasnβt enough. You can say itβs you and that youβre the bad one and you could never hate me even in a thousand year life . I just donβt understand I donβt understand why.i knew you, you knew me, it was effortless, everything finally connected.. Did you push me away cause you got feelings and it freaked you out, or is it because youβre incapable of feeling in general.
. But you see I donβt know. I donβt know if you ever cared. Or if you ever really loved me
Maybe I was just someone you kept around because you were lonely and when you werenβt lonely anymore forgot about. I donβt know, Iβve realized Iβm never going to get the true answers I long for. Iβve realized Iβm better than to chase you.
But along this path of realizations Iβve come to the conclusion I cannot just let you go. I canβt forget. I canβt see you or hear your voice without instant little movies playing in my head.
Everyday it hits me. It hits me that you donβt really want anything to do with me anymore and that whatever we had was just a βnot the right timeβ type of situation. But that sucks because I really did care. I was your ride or die girl. I was someone you could count on for anything. But now I canβt think. I got bad habits and my heads fucked up.
Maybe I was in love with a sociopath. Maybe I was in love with you but it doesnβt matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. My lifeβs on pause I donβt feel a fucking thing. My one source of feeling isnβt here and maybe thatβs why Iβm a walking freak out. I canβt stop thinking. I canβt stop typing. But this is what I mean. It does not stop.
I wish it would
Because I know it stopped for you a long time ago.
Someone @ her
