geeandjaywrite

“We just didn’t leave things on the bestterms. When Mila came back to Monarch and you didn’t, I thought you needed space”,Lola explained. She had been terrified of reaching out and being rejected – or worse,reaching out and hearing nothing in return. “Please, you obviously preferred metelling you the plot of movies rather than watching them yourself”, sheretorted, showing her own tentative smile in response to his. She felt like theywere the only two people in the room; in the world; her attention focused on his hand holding hers. Her smilefaded quickly when he pulled his hand back, instantly missing the contact.

It was in that moment that Lola realised shehad two options. She knew that Peter pulling his hand back wasn’t the end ofthe world but there were two options in front of her. She could do what she hadalways done and let him pull away; let the possibility of them slip between herfingers; or she could chase after him. “I don’t think there’s anything wrongwith that”, Lola said softly, reaching out and taking his hand again, bridgingthe gap between them. “After graduation, I kind of lost myself too. My friendswere spread out across the country, working so hard to achieve their dreams,and I just had no idea what to do with myself. I’d never planned to reachgraduation”, she explained, gently squeezing his hand. She had spent yearswandering around the world, trying to find herself; heal herself; and maintainher sobriety. “I’m really glad we’re both here. Seriously, you have no idea howmuch I’ve missed you”.

“I did need space - from Monarch, and a lot of the people there. Not from you.” He kept his gaze steady on hers as he spoke. Lola could always tell when he was lying just by looking at him, and he knew she’d see his honesty now. “I’ve never wanted that, even on the rare occasion that I said I needed space from you. The worst times of my life all coincide with you not being there. It’s why I’m hoping today might mark the start of another good period of my life. I don’t want to say goodbye tonight and wait for someone’s 40th before we talk again.” 

He felt like he’d driven up the intensity with his words, and was happy to laugh at her response to spoiling films. “If I’m being honest, you do tell stories better than most people. I guess sometimes I liked hearing movies and shows ‘as told by Lola’ more than actually seeing them. But I hated you a tiny bit for Game of Thrones.”

He adored her even more for reaching out, something Lola rarely did in the past. He laced their fingers tightly together, and smiled at her with as much fondness as a face could show. “I’ve always told you that you’re going to do more and be more than you think you will. I can’t even begin to list the amount of things you’ve thought you couldn’t do, and then have ended up absolutely crushing. You’ve always been infinitely more incredible than you’re aware of. Seeing you tonight…I’m realising there’s probably a lot of amazing new sides to you that even I’m not aware of now.” 

“Sometimes I think I should just record audio books for a living. There’s just something mesmerising about my voice”, she jokingly boasted, her smile widening enough for her dimples to be on show. “Harri, you’ve got to get over the Game of Thrones thing! You had years to watch it before I accidentally spoiled the Red Wedding. If you had wanted to watch it, you would have done so already”, Lola protested in self defence.

Embarrassingly, Lola’s cheeks flushed pink, a result of Peter’s kind words and his hand tightly linked to her own. “I... thank you. Not just for what you’re saying now but for what you’ve been saying for years. You’re the only person whose always seen the good in me, even when I really didn’t deserve it. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you before but I should have. After some of the stuff that I’ve done in my life — especially some of the stuff that I’ve done to you — I’m amazed that you’ve still been able to see the good”. She hated the pain that she had caused Peter in the past because he was genuinely the best person she had ever met.

Even after The Alternates had gone their separate ways, Gideon had remained in close contact with Ali and Ryder. The couple flew to Texas at least four times a year to see Gideon and Ellie; in all honesty, their friendship had been an amazing source of strength when he had found himself a single father. It hadn’t surprised him when Ryder had asked Gideon to be a groomsmen; what had surprised him was arriving at the wedding and seeing Lana’s name on the seating plan. Whilst he had thought of the blonde often, especially in the first year following The Alternates breakup, he hadn’t realised that Lana and Ali had been able to put their differences behind them.

For the first time in years, he was in the same room as the blonde who had slowly broken his heart. He had told himself a long time ago that the two of them weren’t supposed to be together, yet he couldn’t deny the painful tightening in his chest as he saw Lana hug the centre of his universe. “I’m glad you like her. I was a little worried about bringing her today because I wasn’t sure if she’d have the patience and energy to last the whole day but she seems to be her usual charming self”. For a long time, Lana had been the most important person in his life and he couldn’t deny that he was incredibly pleased to know that she liked his daughter. “Oh god, I remember that look you used to get when children came up to you after shows and didn’t use proper manners when asking for a photo or autograph”, he teased.

Lana was overcome by an unfamiliar feeling as he spoke about Ellie. It wasn’t a jealousy or sadness, or at least not in it’s entirety. The closest word she could think of was longing. There were times when they’d been going well that she imagined a domestic life with Gideon, one full of kids, marriage, and curling up on the couch every Sunday afternoon. Seeing him with Ellie, as beautiful as it was, felt almost like the universe taunting her with what could’ve been. Lana couldn’t express any of that, however, so she said “Ellie is so lucky to have you as her Dad. It’s obvious how much she adores you and vice versa,” instead.

Gideon’s comment about her reaction to ill-mannered children was perfectly timed, breaking her out of the head space she was falling into and inspiring laughter instead. “Oh god, yes. I still make the same face now. Who doesn’t teach their child to say a simple please and thank you? It’s really not that hard.” She tilted her head and studied him for a moment, only briefly distracted by how beautifully he’d aged. “Now, Ellie - her manners are impeccable. I wish all my young fans were like her. Hell, I hope my kids turn out like her.” It flowed out like the rest of her sentences, but something about her last comment left Lana with a sour taste in her mouth. She quickly moved on, not wanting to let it linger.

“It must have been annoying for you when Ellie decided she was a Lana McKinnon fan. She even said she begged for concert tickets last Christmas, and ‘Santa’ forgot…You know, if you told me about her, and her excellent taste in music, I would’ve gotten her VIP passes…” she trailed off, leaving a space for Gideon to explain himself. It was obvious he’d do almost anything to make Ellie happy, so she assumed he really wanted to avoid Lana if he let the sweet girl be disappointed on Christmas.

Lana had spent the afternoon re-decorating her large balcony, dangling lights and fluffing cushions until it looked worthy of an amazing smoke session with important company. She supposed the transformation represented her goals for the evening. Just as she turned her outside area into something warm and inviting, she hoped to prove to Gideon that she was warmer than she first appeared. She’d overheard him talking to a producer about how dramatic and cold she could sometimes come across, and knew she needed to change his mind. While it didn’t upset her when Ryder, Ali or Moss kept their distance, it drove her crazy with Gideon for some reason. Crazy enough to invite him over to her apartment, a place where nobody else had ever been invited.

After checking her apartment and changing outfits one last time, Lana finally felt prepared enough that she only moderately panicked when Gideon finally knocked. Avoiding the urge to change into something more revealing, Lana strutted to the entrance in her skinny jeans and sweatshirt, reminding herself that she had to feel comfortable in order to be comfortable tonight. Opening the door with a playful grin, she eyed Gideon up and down. “You must be the stripper I ordered.”

As soon as she said his old nickname, something within Peter shifted like it never had before. All the coldness he’d so carefully curated melted away, leaving a self-awareness in it’s wake. They’d always struggled because of fear, or misunderstandings, or simply a lack of honesty within themselves and to each other. Peter was older now, and tired of running from Lola and the truth. When she said she was home, he wondered if she felt the same. He wasn’t sure how the night would go, but Peter knew one thing with confidence; this time he was going to give Lola everything he could offer her, and at least then if they still drifted apart, he wouldn’t wonder what he could’ve done differently.

“You weren’t sure how it’d be received?” He frowned and reached for her hand, squeezing it softly. “I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been upset about you contacting me, and each of those times involved you spoiling a movie for me,” Peter teased, smiling hesitantly. When she asked how he’d been, his gaze turned downward in shame and he let go of her hand. “I don’t think you’d really want to hear how I’ve been. There’s nothing online because I haven’t done anything interesting. I threw myself into working after everything that happened, and tried to lose myself as much as possible.” Trying to get things back unto a more positive track, he shrugged it off and added: “I’m really glad I came out for tonight though. Seeing you again, hearing your voice…I feel the happiest I have for a really, really long time.” 

“We just didn’t leave things on the best terms. When Mila came back to Monarch and you didn’t, I thought you needed space”, Lola explained. She had been terrified of reaching out and being rejected – or worse, reaching out and hearing nothing in return. “Please, you obviously preferred me telling you the plot of movies rather than watching them yourself”, she retorted, showing her own tentative smile in response to his. She felt like they were the only two people in the room; in the world; her attention focused on his hand holding hers. Her smile faded quickly when he pulled his hand back, instantly missing the contact.

As soon as she said his old nickname, something within Peter shifted like it never had before. All the coldness he’d so carefully curated melted away, leaving a self-awareness in it’s wake. They’d always struggled because of fear, or misunderstandings, or simply a lack of honesty within themselves and to each other. Peter was older now, and tired of running from Lola and the truth. When she said she was home, he wondered if she felt the same. He wasn’t sure how the night would go, but Peter knew one thing with confidence; this time he was going to give Lola everything he could offer her, and at least then if they still drifted apart, he wouldn’t wonder what he could’ve done differently.

“You weren’t sure how it’d be received?” He frowned and reached for her hand, squeezing it softly. “I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been upset about you contacting me, and each of those times involved you spoiling a movie for me,” Peter teased, smiling hesitantly. When she asked how he’d been, his gaze turned downward in shame and he let go of her hand. “I don’t think you’d really want to hear how I’ve been. There’s nothing online because I haven’t done anything interesting. I threw myself into working after everything that happened, and tried to lose myself as much as possible.” Trying to get things back unto a more positive track, he shrugged it off and added: “I’m really glad I came out for tonight though. Seeing you again, hearing your voice…I feel the happiest I have for a really, really long time.” 

“We just didn’t leave things on the best terms. When Mila came back to Monarch and you didn’t, I thought you needed space”, Lola explained. She had been terrified of reaching out and being rejected – or worse, reaching out and hearing nothing in return. “Please, you obviously preferred me telling you the plot of movies rather than watching them yourself”, she retorted, showing her own tentative smile in response to his. She felt like they were the only two people in the room; in the world; her attention focused on his hand holding hers. Her smile faded quickly when he pulled his hand back, instantly missing the contact.

After giving Lana a quick hug, Ellie walked away from them and towards Ali, desperate to see her wedding dress up close. It gave Lana and Gideon their first moments alone in what felt like forever. It was obvious they’d both changed dramatically since they’d last spoken. Lana had worked on herself as much as possible, learning to manage her emotional intensity and flair for theatrics. It improved her friendships, bringing Ali and Lana close enough for her to be a guest at the wedding. But it never helped her reach out to Gideon, and now she realised how much she’d missed with him. Not only had he moved on, but he had a living breathing human to prove it, and his entire lifestyle was unrecognisable to before.

“Ellie is incredible, Gid. She’s so clever, and sweet, and funny! Actually funny, not in that ‘I’m laughing because you’re a kid and I don’t want to seem like an asshole’ kind of way,” she joked, her expression rather cheery for someone who expected to feel heart-broken. In an odd way, Lana was grateful Ellie was here. It took so much of the awkwardness away. “You know I’m not usually the biggest fan of children, but she’s impossible not to love. I suppose we know which of her parents she takes after.”

Even after The Alternates had gone their separate ways, Gideon had remained in close contact with Ali and Ryder. The couple flew to Texas at least four times a year to see Gideon and Ellie; in all honesty, their friendship had been an amazing source of strength when he had found himself a single father. It hadn’t surprised him when Ryder had asked Gideon to be a groomsmen; what had surprised him was arriving at the wedding and seeing Lana’s name on the seating plan. Whilst he had thought of the blonde often, especially in the first year following The Alternates breakup, he hadn’t realised that Lana and Ali had been able to put their differences behind them.

For the first time in years, he was in the same room as the blonde who had slowly broken his heart. He had told himself a long time ago that the two of them weren’t supposed to be together, yet he couldn’t deny the painful tightening in his chest as he saw Lana hug the centre of his universe. “I’m glad you like her. I was a little worried about bringing her today because I wasn’t sure if she’d have the patience and energy to last the whole day but she seems to be her usual charming self”. For a long time, Lana had been the most important person in his life and he couldn’t deny that he was incredibly pleased to know that she liked his daughter. “Oh god, I remember that look you used to get when children came up to you after shows and didn’t use proper manners when asking for a photo or autograph”, he teased.

Peter had spent years throwing himself into business and his vices, ignoring anything that could be personally meaningful. Though not a cold man, Peter had locked his heart away somewhere even he couldn’t reach, and for a long time only spoke about work or with his family, though recently his family became off-limits as well. His parents blamed themselves for the person he’d become, and were constantly throwing business cards for therapists and rehab facilities at him. After making him hide his true self for years, he thought they’d consider finally accepting him for who he was. Instead they were more ashamed of him than ever, and eventually he cut them off without so much as blinking. 

Despite his growing lack of care for the world and love of isolation, there were some events that even Peter felt obligated to attended. Milestone birthdays were one such occasion, and that was where present Peter had found himself. The birthday boy was a close friend of his from back in the day, and while contact as sporadic as could be these days, Peter couldn’t miss such a large life event. He arrived early, wanting to get in as many of the free drinks as he could before too many old friends arrived. He knew Lola wasn’t on the guest list, and that probably made him want to drink more if anything.

On the one hand, he was grateful for her absence. It’d allow him to relax a little more instead of being on red alert for her face or hair in the crowd, and let him skip the conversations he’d spent years dreading for a little longer. Lola was just a reminder of everything that could’ve been and should’ve been in his life, and Peter refused to let his mind wander there anymore. On the other hand, Peter missed her desperately. It was as simple as that. Some remaining part of his mind knew nothing felt as good as being around her, even when nothing could feel worse all the same.

After a couple of hours chit-chatting with people who’s names he’d long forgotten since high school, Peter was considering calling it an early night. Too many people were coming to him with their Lola questions. They ranged from the simple “Where’s Lola tonight?” to the more complicated - “How did you guys reunite? You barely talked in senior year, and suddenly you’re posting selfies nearly every week half-way through college, then nothing?” “Wait, what do you mean you haven’t seen her for years?” The worst were the shippers, though - the people who screamed into his ear about how they “always thought you’d end up together in the end! I can’t believe it didn’t happen!”

One question, however, was unlike all the rest. It wasn’t even directed at him, only said within earshot by guys he’d hated during (and after) high school, but it grabbed his full attention. “Is that Lola Fields?”

Peter began scanning the room, struggling to focus on anything except finding Lola and keeping his anxiety down. He hadn’t mentally prepared for this, and being surprised with something so important while so drunk was basically torture. Despite his trepidation, Peter found himself growing disappointed with each passing brunette that wasn’t her in the crowd. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he now knew which part of him won the ‘do we want to see Lola tonight?’ debate. He was worried that realization would be for nothing, but then he spotted her across the room, somehow more beautiful than ever.

Lola had always been special to Peter in ways he couldn’t quite verbalise. They were always more than friends or even lovers. He’d never told Lola outside of joking conversations, but Peter had always assumed they were soulmates. It didn’t make things any easier for them, obviously, though it at least helped him explain why he felt more drawn to her than anything else. Now was no exception. He began to walk towards her as soon as he realised she was doing the same, eventually meeting half-way with little more than their tension between them. 

“Hey, Lollipop,” he greeted, the nickname rolling off his tongue as a smile invaded his expression. It seemed his instincts were taking over, and before he knew it Peter was embracing her tightly, long limbs tangling around her petite form. He was sure she’d feel his heart beating heavily against his chest. She might’ve even felt the way it slowed down once he breathed in her vaguely familiar scent. “Everybody told me you weren’t coming, but I’m really glad you did,” he whispered against her hair, brushing a kiss to her forehead as he reluctantly pulled away. “I, uh…I’ve been wondering about you a lot. I wanted to reach out all the time, but I just…What would I have even said? There’s nothing that -” He stopped, his gaze growing guilty. “I didn’t think there was anything I could’ve said that would change anything, and people told me you were happy and you’d moved on, so…” His tone was casual but there was a sense of pleading to it, begging Lola to understand that things were nowhere near where he had always wanted them to be. “How have you been?”

In her years of self-imposed isolation, Lola would be lying if she said she hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about Peter. Honestly, even before she had graduated from Monarch University, she had spent a lot of time thinking about Peter. He was something of a constant in her mind, even when his presence wasn’t in her life. For a long time, Lola had told herself that it was normal, that everyone spent most waking moments thinking about their first love – their first heartbreak. It was normal to search for his face in a crowd, even when she had no reason to expect to find him. It was normal to want to know how he was doing; to ponder where he was; to wonder if he had fallen in love again; to want to talk to him; to miss him; to love him.

After about a year of weekly therapy, her therapist had called her on her bullshit. If you keep living in denial, Lola, you’re never going to be happy.

Lola, who had practiced denial for years, had pretended that she didn’t understand what her therapist was talking about. It took another three months until she realised exactly what her therapist was saying. It was 3am and she should have been asleep hours ago, yet she found herself on Google, searching for Peter Harrington. There were a few photos, most of which seemed at least a couple of years old, but he still took her breath away. His face looked more solemn than she remembered and after staring intently for a few minutes, she realised it was because of his eyes. His eyes – which had always been lit up when he was around her, no matter the state of their relationship – were flat and listless. It was then that she realised what her therapist meant. It was Peter; it had always been Peter.

Although she struggled to admit it even to herself, the thought of maybe running into Peter again one day had been a contributing factor when she decided to move back to New York. She had been too afraid to orchestrate anything but there was constantly a little flicker of hope; that maybe fate would bring Peter back into her life. Now that fate had finally decided to intervene, she was terrified. Her hands were clammy, and her heart was pounding so loudly that it was threatening to beat out of her chest. As she moved towards Peter, it felt as if the entire room parted to make way for her; the noise quieting as the focus of her world narrowed to just one person.