Mga Kwentong Bente ni Gab

I’ll support her nalang sa kung ano man ang gagawin niya because that’s what friends do right? Hahahahaha.

I remember when I first saw her I never thought I'd be drawn to her. I remember when she PM'ed and asked why elephant is my favorite animal. I also remember when she PM'ed when I tweeted "wala namang magkaka gusto sakin" with a joke. That was before I'd have my feelings for her. I bet she'll not remember it anymore but I treasure small things/moments like that.

I remember I told myself "hmm cute siya pero di ako magkaka gusto sakanya" but I have never been wrong. I remember back in vr hackathon where she came running back to us crying because of an unfortunate event in the cr, I was seating beside her looking at her, she looked at me too, I want to dry her tears with my handkerchief but instead I looked away and I regretted it and every moment that I am ignoring her before. She also said it when our friendship is growing "hindi mo kasi ako pinapansin dati" and she's right and I regretted every minute of it. Again I bet she'll never remember it.

And then came angelhack I never expected that she'll be one of my teammates there. That event is where my feelings start to form for her because in that short time I felt that I had connection with her especially when we start playing tetris. I kept a sticker with my name for remembrance of that event because every time I looked at it, it reminds of her.

After that I started talking to her and every time I get excited she's got this humor that I like which really further my feelings for her. I remember when we're playing games I wish we could be like that again. I remember when she invited me to play MTG shet kilig na kilig ako non tinatago ko lang.

And then came the techtonic event day 2 she invited me again to play MTG but unfortunately she got sick which is a bummer because that's the day where I will confess my feelings for in person. But I know myself, I said "kung hindi ko sasabihin ngayon baka masabi pa dapat ngayong araw na talaga", so I messaged her and confessed my feelings I know that's manly but I just had to say it that day.

Today I had a very sad plot twist. I thought this day is gonna end well because our code camp is, well, kinda successful. I was chatting with her while I was in Starbucks with my devcon friends and then there came the plot twist. I knew from the start when she asked me this question “do you still like me” that I’ll be sad after I answer that question.

I said “Yes”, and then she confessed that there’s already someone special in her life, that she wanted to tell me about it but didn’t have the guts to do so before. And then I broke down inside, I am smiling in front of my devcon friends not giving them a hint of what’s going on with me but at that time I just want to go home and cry.

I thought I can take it but no I can’t, I wish I can move on and forget the feelings that I have. I’m so disappointed, disappointed in myself for not being good enough. I’m tired of being me I wish I could just switch bodies to someone, I wish I could just disappear.

I guess the only good thing about that is I’m free from my anxieties, that I will not be worried if she has someone. I guess some part of me is freed.