our lady of the underground

i think i’m going to become an unreliable narrator. if you see me obscuring the full truth or saying things that directly contradict each other, don’t worry about it.

it’s giving too much. he wants to do numbers on tumblr so bad

Well Imma give them to him, cuz that jacket fucks

i got nacho cheese on my shirt and a lot of opinions about the government

name one

ronald reagan should be dug up and shot again

didn’t they do this to a previous pope but instead of being shot his corpse was put on trial

sounds exactly like what i want to happen to reagan except for the part where they put his corpse on trial you see i want to dig up ronald reagan and shoot him *adjusts glasses and eats some cheetos*

chasing that rat poison high....

i bet those colors only shrimp can see suck major ass

jealousy isn’t the way bro

The shrimp aren’t gonna have sex with you.

you take that back right fucking now

Trust me mom, I've been searching LinkedIn for "court jester" and nobody is hiring!

sometimes you have to pretend your kitchen is a club dance floor and get a little whorish while cooking your frozen pizza. it’s called living deliciously in a pandemic

Imagine the amount of rage j.d. salinger would feel if you wrote a sequel to his Important Big Boy Book in which Holden calls something "hella poggers"

"kissing my boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time is hella poggers" --Holden Caulfield, after killing a vampire in Catcher in the Rye 2: Blood Moon

WODJSKXNSIJXSKD

I beg your pardon

[id: gifs of larry king interviewing danny pudi. larry says, “that’s not a luxury, though. coffee and socks are not a luxury. danny says, “alright, give me a luxury. which - … what luxury should i have?“larry says, “a private plane.” danny says, a bit incredulously, “…. larry, i’m on ducktales.” end id]

Bear witness to the disconnect between a Boomer’s idea of luxury and a Millennial’s.

I like to think they're the same apartment

imagine a calico cat

now tabby

Slow down I’m still working on the first one

sorry

Aight I’m ready for the next one, which is it

the man who assassinated your father

if i was at harvard in 2004 i would’ve stopped it

it being facebook

@tibby taking it for the team by giving mark Zuckerberg good dick