after all that seeing gifs/clips of mike wheeler looking at will byers makes me want to kms like just take me out back and shoot me IM DONE IM DONE

also rereading my posts from 2017. DONT GET INTO IT LEAVE THIS EVIL SHIT BEHIND

"he's wanted to go to NYU since he was six years old!" and he got to go to nyu FUCK MY STUPID JONATHAN BYERS LOVER FOREVER AND EVER LIFE

Yeah Mike Wheeler when you get a wife I hope you know that when you wake up next to her in the middle of the night with your head in your hands you’re nothing more than her husband AND when you think about WILL all of those years ago you’re standing FACE TO FACE with “I told you so”

do you remember when we used to say they could never do a mleven montage because will would be in half the shots

okayy. mike wheeler who is so repressed and so far in the closet that he can't even tell her girlfriend he loves her when she's about to die. just kisses her and agrees with everything she says because he thinks it's what she wants and he's not about to deny her this before it's all over for her forever. mike wheeler who just keeps pushing it down and pushing it down until he's become a shell of who he used to be because he sees the alternative - will - and convinces himself he'll never be that brave. mike wheeler who can't believe he ever thought he could be the mike the brave. stupid. mike wheeler who thinks of will just coming out and saying it and entertaining, for a brief moment, that maybe things won't be so bad for him. and then, like it always does, it gets stuck in his throat - friends? no thanks. best friends. mike wheeler who is so traumatized by the death of his girlfriend that he believes admitting he's in love with someone else - a boy - feels like betraying her. mike wheeler who still believes he owes her undying loyalty even in death. mike wheeler who still can't get the words out even though it's 10 pm on a wednesday in late august and will byers is standing in front of him and leaving for college in the morning and he should just be able to spit it out but he can't. mike wheeler who convinces himself will will be better off without him around - stupid, stupid, stupid - and he'll find a boyfriend who loves him in a way that mike never could with the way everything is looming over his head. mike wheeler who regrets not breaking up with el when he had the chance, regrets letting things go as far as they did. he just wanted to be normal. look where that got him. mike wheeler who can't look at will byers without feeling an indescribable guilt because something's still fucking in there. beating and screaming and desperate to be let out. but he looks at will and thinks of el and he knows nothing would work out anyway.

What pisses me off is that they also did Mileven dirty. They absolutely trashed the ship and they could've rebuilt it with random moments but they left it ambiguous for the sake of queer baiting us so that it didn't even have the emotional impact that it should've. It felt as cheap and rushed as the coming out scene initially did.