Garrick Styles

Why does my heart leave

All these painful window tabs open

The memories torment me

The names that betrayed me aren't spoken

Yet they still ring in my head

When it comes to feelings

None of them die

they are immortal

Forgiveness comes out as a word

But I've never completed the act

Pain intensifies when it's inside me

We are one sided rivals I usually lose

Passion pulls the strings like I'm a puppet

I'm a massive urge to pout

And to raise my voice to shout

But I'm not allowed

My voice always cracks

Whenever I speak my peace

If strength is measured by

how much pain you can endure

Can I just focus on one thing ?

Put everything else on pause

Instead of every idea loading at the same time

I'm at least 3 steps ahead at all times

The "Trifecta" is coming soon

For now it's just a title but in time

It will take on a whole new meaning

I've had this on the bench for awhile

I'm getting up and I promise

I'm changing the game

The first step to success is to envision it

I've repeated that step over and over

I'm tired of sitting still in stagnant ville

I've been trying to maintain this urge

But it's damn near impossible

Like getting spaghetti stains out of tupperware

I've been trying to take things slow

My patience is part time

It hasn't quite transitioned to full time

In my opinion you are the personification

Of creativity , you never have limited yourself in any way , you could shape shift to different characters in an instant

In a world full of unlimited distractions

You manage to grab hold of the audience mind and hold it captive with your words

You truly had the whole world in your hands

You gave us many memorable moments

When we as fans wrestled with our own problems

You provided a wonderful escape

You were so relatable and authentic

You pocess so much charisma

Yet you maintained the virtue of humbleness

Your death leaves a void in this world

I never met you yet I feel like I did

I believe empathy isn't designated

For just the ones you know

Don't be a fool and think otherwise

Don't let anyone tell you , you aren't allow to grieve

Everyone is so quick to speak on the darkness in this world ?

Why should we hesitate when we lose someone who represents the light ?

Who am I ?

The answer is in the stanzas

Why do I do this ?

The answer is in the stanzas

And If you don't find it there

Maybe you aren't looking hard enough

Or maybe you're right

The answer isn't there , who knows ?

I don't want to confirm ....

I'm purposely vague

at times to protect my mystique

I leave easter eggs in my work

I hope you care enough to crack the code

Life is filled with a tremendous amount of pressure it wasn't for the pen

I would have folded a long time ago

May I break the fourth wall for a second ?

My moniker "Master of Metaphors"

I try to live up to it , whenever I mention the pen in anyway it's a metaphor in it's self

I haven't picked up a pen in years

When I used to write my hand would cramp

Due to writing so much , I subbed the pen out the game and brought in my phone

That's my new version of the pen

20 plus years of participating in this art form

I wear it inside my heart like an internal uniform

Best thing I've ever done was pick up a pen

Anxiety keeps pickpocketing

My time from me

Everytime I try to move forward

My mind ends up spinning in circles

I get the green light

anxiety acts like a stop sign

I've repeated this process over and over

Stuck on the same level

constantly pressing restart

It's frustrating and I'm exhausted

My mind has betrayed it's host

Who needs enemies

When I can destroy myself from within

I get told to reach out all the time

By those I love but I hate adding

It's funny to me kicks and giggles

Was supposed to be a one night stand

But the chemistry was so great

This is our fifth date

Crown me the king of random

Me and my pen are a powerful tandem

I'm feeling so inspired

I may just release a album

I'm enjoying what I'm witnessing

I don't want to change the channel

Not too long ago writers block

Was holding my inspiration for ransom

I didn't have no money

So I just recycled old feelings

To free myself from my creative drought

I changed the play, I ran a different route

Writing is what I'm about

These thoughts run thru my head.

For a reason

I don't own a ounce of doubt in my head

I didn't stutter you heard what I said

I plan on putting the doubters doubt to bed

Feels like they are all wearing red

I shout bullseye when I pick up a pen

I never miss I always hit my targets

Let me chill my alter ego came out the bag

I'll tuck him in back in

95% of the time I'm sweet like sweet tea

From the south, the other 5% I'm bitter

Like Donald Trump after losing the election

I speak my peace for my own protection

I bit my tongue for so long

I have to sing my own song

Knew that I was a felon

I'm such a bad ass

I'm currently serving 3 days in facebook jail

Only 72 hours feels like an eternity

For a introvert with no social life

When I get released

I'm going to change my ways

Until then I guess

I'll communicate with my family more

I would go outside but it's cold out there

I might have a staring contest with the wall

I'll eventually blink and I take the L once again

My anxiety convinced me I'm the black sheep of the family

Society tells me I'm a black thief

The weight of this world is heavy

Sometimes I want to weep

But toxic masculinity tells me

I need to stay strong and be a man

I've spent most of my life feeling misunderstood

People need to use Rosetta Stone to learn my language

Miscommunication has caused me so much anguish

I've been chasing pavements like Adelle

Trying to escape this lonely hell

These days my highlight of my day

Is checking the mailbox seeing what bills

The mail man delivered

I'm damaged but I'm not damaged goods

There still some good

I'm like a wet wash rag ring me out

The water droplets will still drop

I haven't dried up is all I'm saying

There still some hope in this wishing well

Either wish me well or hold your tongue

Don't create more hell than this world causes

I meant for the tone of this to be light hearted

But it gained weight and became heavy

Accept me as I am

My patience turned into impatience after waiting so long

Feels like I've been waiting on a bus

That will never come

I'm stuck waiting and my peers

Are Taking off

Meanwhile I'm standing still

No envy in my heart though

I'm happy for them

Waiting is my least favorite game

Unfortunately I have no choice

But to play it

Will I Win or will I Lose ?

That answer is still yet to be determined

Because I'm stuck up

Because I think I'm better

That is far from the truth

I'm quiet because when I speak

No one listens

I can't get my words out

Without interjection

I hate wasted words

So for my own protection

(Warning excessive randomness you've been warned )

I always wished I could dance

A black man that can't dance

What kind of shit is this

I'll admit it folks I don't have any rhythm

My words flow though

I'm not a rapper

I get tongue tied

I'm clumsy I trip over my own words

Back in school in my ROTC class

I usually played the role of the token black kid

The only time I got attention

Is when we played basketball

They just assumed I could hoop

You know what ? they were right

I guess sometimes stereotypes

Do fit me

I have tons of friends

But I always bail on plans

Because I rather spend time

With my best friend Mr.Pen

Every night I get to write

I consider that a win

I never take wins for granted

Life is always serving me L's

Last year I set a Guinness World Record

For being friend zoned by the most women

In history

The reason for my lack of success

In my love life is still a mystery

I myself am a mystery

I watch people rush to crack the code

They ask me for the password

Hell I don't even know

I never really been a cool cat

I like to give myself lame nicknames

Like the" master of metaphors "

Whenever I write it feels like

unlocking heavens doors

I wanted the poem to end there

But when it rains it pours

I can't drown myself

So I had to give you one more