Galaxy_Dream_7

- adding along to this, this cookie greatly enjoys classic, romantic gestures. He will not be embarrassed to remove his coat, covering the very obvious puddle, and assisting you to walk over it, all the while looking at you with such love, one that you could only ever see in romance movies, and could only ever be described in poetic novels

- before becoming his partner though, you need to be approved by buttercream first ! He feels that it is dictation that it's not only him who has trust and love for you. If you want to be his, make sure to give as much love to his beloved dragon ( wyvern ) as you do for him ( he won't admit the fact he gets quite jealous of her sometimes .. )

- he most definitely enjoys a partner that can beat him up if they wanted to, but also a cookie that's sweet, who's willing to embrace his affections ! If you travel with him on the way to dragon's valley, buttercream can sense the sickeningly lovestruck heart eyes he gives your way as you fight, supporting you from above.

- " hahahah !! that's my lover right there ! go mayhem on them sweetie ! ~ " he has most likely bragged about you during the travel too ( you don't know if he loves you too much or he wants to embarass you, you appreciate it nonetheless )

- tries to fight aswell to impress you too, but he's quite embarrassed of his low hunting score in comparison to the others ( you and tarte tatin cookie have a tied score together ! )

- although, he does not mind a partner that relies on him aswell ! in fact, it gives him a very massive ego boost. Of course he wouldn't mind in becoming your knight in shining armor ! Saving his significant other from any form of danger ! ( even if, in most cases, they aren't really harmful )

- " do not worry darling ! THE dragon rider has arrived to rescue you ! " and it's simply trivial things such as taking you away in unpleasant conversations, carrying you bridal style. He will be quite amused to see your embarassed face

- on a more serious side, whether you can fend for yourself or not, he is willing to sacrifice limb and body just for you to be alive, breathing, safe, who is still there with him. You had promised him you would stay until his very last crumb, he isn't willing to give up on that so easily.

- and as his partner, soaring through the sky or even going on lovely walks with buttercream is an everyday date ! ( he is a firm believer that a day is incomplete without a small date with you ! ), most of the time visiting the bar for a drink or two afterwards ( typically more than just two anyways .. ). Be sure to prepare yourself to bring him home, as he's too busy being a flirt with you than to think about resting up !

- alongside this, it's typically difficult to achieve privacy when he has a swarm of fans behind his tail, he tries his very best to make it up to you at the end of the day ~

- he is very understanding if your jealousy sparks up because of his behavior ( he can't imagine seeing you acting the same as him to any other cookie either ! ) and constantly tells cookies that he is most definitely taken by the loveliest cookie on earthbread !

- some of which are either not that much of a fan with him or isn't even a part of dragon city ( hollyberry, wildberry and pitaya dragon cookie ), which leads to more than just the citizens being aware of your relationship due to how obvious he is about it

- everyone can see how hopelessly in love royal margarine cookie is with you. The second longer glances he gives your way and the oh-so enchanting eyes of his that stares at you with such love and affection ! All his fans simply dream of being you !

- behind all of this though, he definitely has a softer side indoors ! He is reduced to nothing but a smitten man, clingy for his lover. Please give him hugs and kisses ! He feels himself falling harder for you every time you praise him

- the cookie feels as if you're too out of his league, and dreads the thought of you finding out his true identity, the actual weak and cowardice royal margarine cookie. Would you leave him if you had found out ? He would leave himself too

- now with royal margarine, he's insistent of you opening up to him, whether that be negative or positive. He thinks that it is a strengthening bond to open up and learn more about eachother !

- but because of his inner thoughts, he isn't as willing to open up about his feelings, maybe never opening up at all. The only way he'll ever open up to you is when he's drunk (which makes him feel lower most of the time), he feels like a weak cookie if he ever tries opening up while sober. He dislikes being a weak and simple cookie than his persona tells him to be

- he feels like a failure for not pursuing what he truly wants, and to be reminded of that as he opens up never makes him feel any lighter. Do not be insistent with it ( he will avoid such topics in every possible way ), give him some time to be more trusting of you. Sooner or later, you won't need alcohol just for this man to open up ( will only open up around 1/4 of how he feels but to him its a big step ! )

- he cannot avoid the feeling of being judged, to be completely seen of who he truly is. To even think about finally trusting you with who the true royal margarine cookie is like without getting wasted is a big enough step for him, for you to figure out that the royal margarine isn't as royal as he seems.

- He feels as if he takes any more than one step then he will truly break, he never wants to reach that point, especially if you are there to witness it all, the littlest thought of it makes him shiver from humiliation. He needs to seek out buttercream for some form of comfort, he wouldn't know what he'd do if you ever found out

- you do find out though, just not in the circumstances he wants..

"Hi there!"

It all began when a new voice startled you while you were alone on the highest cliff you could climb. You jumped and was ready to make a break for it before a tiny boy with a fluffy scarf and black stripes on his face got in your way. "Wait, don't go!"

You weren't sure why, but you paused, a bit curious as to how this Cookie found your hideaway. You turned around, surprised to see him giving you an adorably toothy grin. "I'm Crunchy Chip Cookie...what's your name?"

You didn't answer that. "...You're at my spot."

The boy cocked his head curiously. "Your spot?"

Everything seemed to click and the ends of his cookies n' creme hair stood up. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hog this place all to myself!" He looked around, wondering how he could make it up to you. "...You wanna join me?"

You cautiously paced closer. "...Are you here to watch the stars?"

"Are you?"

And, as if that were all that needed to be said, you both spent the night watching the stars dot the skies, and every night after that. You two became fast friends, playing around your new secret hideout and talking to each other, forming bonds most Dark Cacaoians wouldn't have time for.

Even so, though you didn't mind Crunchy Chip Cookie's company, you were always distant with him, like you couldn't believe he existed. He was almost...too good to be true.

"Just look at 'em..." he said wistfully one night. "Did you know there were so many lights in the sky?"

"Yes," you answered blankly.

"Oh, uh...I did too,"

There was an awkward silence. Crunchy Chip Cookie swung his legs, feeling a bit reminiscent. "...When we first met, you said this was your spot, right?"

"Only during the spring festival,"

"Not a fan of the crowds? Me neither."

Silence again.

"...Y'know, it's been a couple months and you still haven't told me your name yet,"

"I'm not telling you. Everyone makes fun of it during training..."

"Why??"

"They say it sounds like a cream wolf's bark..."

"Well, it can't be worse than 'Crunchy Chip Cookie'. I mean, everywhere in the world, nearly EVERYONE has 'Chip' in their name!"

"Even in...I dunno, Yogurca?"

"Probably!"

You didn't quite understand his disdain. "...What's wrong with that?"

"Hm? Wrong with what?"

"What's wrong with having a name that everyone has?"

"Well...it's boring, I guess. I mean, if everyone has it, then what's the point?"

You looked back to the sky. "I wouldn't mind...just for once, to have the same name everyone else has. It's like those lights in the sky...they all look the same from here, but that doesn't make them any less pretty,"

"Eh, I suppose..." Crunchy Chip Cookie shrugged. "What do you think those stars up there are anyways?"

"My squad leader said they're giant burning spheres of gas,"

"No way! He must be making it up,"

"Why would he lie to me?"

"Because, y'know, that's what grown-ups do. They make things up. Eggnog Cookie, the Easter Chocolate Bunny, the Big Bad Cream Wolf...stuff like that."

Cream wolf...that reminded you of something, something you often did when you had this spot all to yourself. "Have you...ever made a cream wolf out of stars?"

Crunchy Chip Cookie thought it over. "Like a constellation? Um, of other things...never tried a cream wolf, though."

"...Do you want to make one?"

His eyes instantly lit up. "Yeah...YEAH! We'll make the bestest constellation ever! Let's see who makes one out first! On three! One...two...thr-"

"I see one," you already pointed to the sky, now clear of any clouds.

"Huh?!" Crunchy Chip Cookie was surprised, almost impressed, at how quickly you assembled a constellation. "Er...where?"

"In the sky,"

"WHERE in the sky?"

"Think big...bigger than all the others."

Crunchy Chip Cookie squinted into the heavens, trying to find out what you saw. Then, his eyes fell upon the moon and his signature toothy grin came back out. "Wait a minute...WAIT A MINUTE! I see it!"

"Where? Tell me what you see,"

"There, right? There're the two ears and the tail! And there's his snout!"

"What else?"

"And...and the moon! The moon is his body and fur!"

For the first time ever, you managed a small smile. Most kids would call you crazy for seeing the moon as a cream wolf, but this was the first Cookie who could see eye-to-eye with you. Perhaps...he was different from the rest.

"...(Y/N) Cookie,"

"Huh?"

"My name. It's (Y/N) Cookie."

Crunchy Chip Cookie didn't expect this sudden reveal, especially one you had been so secretive with. Still, yet again, he found the right way to answer. "...I really like that name!"

Flashing a small smile at him, you two continued to stare at the stars. "So...what do YOU think they really are?" he asked you. "The stars, I mean."

"I...I've never told anyone, but...I've always thought they were pathfinders," you confessed. "Billions of them, stuck at the far end of the sky,"

"Wow...must be so lively up there,"

"But it isn't..." you frowned. "They can always see each other, and they want to talk with them. But they can't, because they're all too far apart. So, they twinkle as brightly as they can...and that's how they speak. To each other...and to me."

"Why you?"

"Because one day...I'm going to befriend a pathfinder."

"CRUNCHY CHIP COOKIE!!"

The shout of an adult at the base of the cliff sounded. "Eek!" Crunchy Chip Cookie jumped up. "That's my squad leader calling! I gotta go!"

As he made his way down the mountain, you found that you didn't want him to go. "...Will you be here next year?"

"Yup!" he nodded eagerly. "Will you?"

"Yeah..."

"Same place, same time?"

"Mhm...but...what if you forget, or get lost?"

"Then we'll bark at the biggest pathfinder up there, silly: the moon! Right at the cream wolf's head! HE'LL pass on our messages to each other!"

With that, Crunchy Chip Cookie hopped off the rock and disappeared down the trail. You waved him goodbye, hardly able to wait until next year to see him again.

But...

...

"Forward, Dark Cacao Watchers! Drive them off!"

"Hurry! Get the children to safety!"

"Wait! I can't leave without (Y/N) Cookie! Where is she?!"

"There's no time! Run, Crunchy Chip Cookie! RUN!!"

You and your friend were pulled apart from each other by the Watchers, rushing to get the youngest of the kingdom to safety as Cake Monsters flooded the snowbound fields. "W-Wait! (Y/N) Cookie!!"

"It's okay!!" you cried from afar. "Remember the moon, like you told me! Just bark at the moon and I'll find you! Promise!!"

Just then, a huge hunk of the wall came loose, barreling towards you. With barely any time to react, you jumped, though the shockwave of the brick sent you flying. As you landed and everything faded to black, you could faintly hear the sound of your friend crying, wailing your name...

***

"The Vanilla Kingdom, My Lady,"

"Listen! Can you hear it?! I bet you can't! Hah! The Vanilla Kingdom has always been too peaceful and quiet."

Hollyberry Cookie rested her hands on her hips and looked around. "Ah, but just LOOK at those Cookies, all happy and crispy! Marvelous, just marvelous! Wah-ha-ha! Isn't it a sight, (Y/N) Cookie?"

There was no reply.

"...(Y/N) Cookie?"

You, a now fully-grown Cookie, were not paying much attention to your foster's words. You were too busy staring at the crescent moon, lips slightly parted in a soundless howl. Even after Hollyberry Cookie had found you, lost and alone, and taken you under her wing, you still remembered your promise to your one and only friend, hoping he was receiving all of your messages...hoping the constellation cream wolf was carrying all of those messages.

"(Y/N) Cookie!" Hollyberry Cookie said sharply. "Are you listening?"

"H-Huh? Oh! I'm sorry, Lady Hollyberry Cookie," you apologized, taking your eyes off the moon. "I was just..."

"Staring at the skies again, I KNOW. You've always been a moony Cookie, looking for someone that's not even there. Why all the stargazing?"

You felt your head lower with slight shame. "Well, I...I guess I'm just...hoping he's still around."

Hollyberry Cookie's eyes dimmed knowingly. "Ah, that old friend of yours from your home kingdom...yes."

"It is unlikely you will see him here, (Y/N) Cookie," Wildberry Cookie reminded you. "But perhaps Dark Cacao Cookie will have news of him."

"I hope so..."

"Hollyberry Cookie!" a ginger-flavored Cookie ran into the garden to greet the Hollyberrians. "You're here!"

You and Wildberry Cookie immediately ran in front of the Queen Mother. "State your purpose!"

"Hold your berries there!" Hollyberry Cookie ordered you both to stand down. "GingerBrave is a friend, and also a friend of my granddaughter!" She went over and hooked a friendly arm around the Cookie's neck. "Young GingerBrave! Our glasses clinked in the Hollyberry Kingdom, remember? It's been a while!"

"The juice WAS awesome," the young Cookie giggled. "It's so good to see you! But who are these two Cookies with you?"

"These two here are Wildberry Cookie and (Y/N) Cookie, my escorts! Naturally, I would be fine on my own, but you know how Jungleberry Cookie is. She insisted! Besides, it would be convenient to bring along (Y/N) Cookie in particular, as she's looking for a good friend of hers. She originates from the Dark Cacao Kingdom, you know?"

"Really? What a coincidence! Dark Cacao Cookie brought along an escort of his own too!"

Your attention was caught. "What...did this escort look like?"

"Eh...black-and-white hair, fuzzy coat, dark-colored dough, nice eyes, but a REAL toothy grin."

It felt like the world around you went into slow motion for a couple seconds. Could it be...?

Without thinking, you bolted for the Dark Cacao campgrounds, leaving Hollyberry Cookie and Wildberry Cookie in the dust. "(Y/N) Cookie! Wait!!"

"I want to..." you thought desperately as you ran like the wind. "I want to believe that it's who I think it is! I want to believe...that the moon cream wolf has told him where I am!!"

"WOOF-WOOF!"

Suddenly, a real cream wolf jumped in your way. You skidded to a stop, expecting it to attack, when it sniffed you and started wagging its tail instead. "A...cream wolf? Here?"

"You, stranger! Identify yourse-!"

Your eyes flicked upwards at the sound of a voice, deepened by time and age, but familiar all the same. Sure enough, you recognized those piercing yellow eyes and those fangs that always used to smile at you.

And it seemed he recognized you too. "N...No way...i-it CAN'T be...I-I thought you were...!"

But there was no denying it. As if in a trance, you took a couple steps closer until you were almost up in his face. "Crunchy Chip...Cookie? Is it really you??"

Despite the tears welling up in his eyes, he was able to flash his signature toothy grin at you. "Don't worry...this is the Crunchy Chip Cookie from Dark Cacao, not from Yogurca..."

That was all you needed to hear. With a happy cry, you leapt into his arms, tackling him to the ground and hugging him tight. His tears finally ran down his cheeks as he laughed back, holding you so close, it seemed he would never let go. Even his new friend was circling you two, barking excitedly and licking both of your faces.

And so it was, underneath the crescent moon, two souls bonded by their love of the stars, having followed each other's barks, had reunited at long last.

Owen POV

“What do you want, Claire? I don’t have time for you right now,” Owen said, taking another sip of his drink. 

“I have some news. And I didn’t come until I was sure this wasn’t a hoax. She might be alive. All three of them.” Said Claire, watching Owen drink his life away is not something she wanted to continue to do. She knew the loss devastated him but she didn’t realize how bad it was. 

“No, we both saw her hit the water, there was no body. No way she survived,” Owen said miserably. He was lost without his Y/n. The love of his life and his unborn baby. To get his hopes up is just plain wrong.  

“Come with me Owen, you’ll want to see the photos we’ve got.” Claire walked out of the bar, and got into her car, Owen right behind her. 

“What do you mean, photos?” There's no way she’s alive, is there?

“These.” She pulled out printed photos of Blue, on a beach near the water, with a girl, about 2-3 years old. Not being attacked, but playing. His beta and who he assumed was his child, playing together. Happily. “This is what we’ve found. We don’t see y/n, but there’s a little girl with blue. That can’t be a coincidence.” 

“Why are you showing me this instead of leaving now? I want my child and wife back dammit!” Owen shouted. He was not gonna lose them again. She started the car and off they went on another rescue mission. Just like before. 

Y/n POV

When you awoke next, it was to a seemingly saddened chirp coming from Blue. She had her head resting lightly on your stomach, occasionally moving and nudging your hand. Her chirping ceased when you started moving your hand, bringing it up to rub at your eyes. Now she began to screech and chitter away happily, jumping around for a minute before leaning back down to you. 

“Blue? W-what the hell?” You muttered, slowly sitting up while Blue screeches happily and runs around you. Looking around you realize you're still on the beach where you pulled yourself out of the water. Standing up, you wobble slightly and Blue comes close to support you.

“Thanks girl,” you say as your hand touches her back, she shivers lightly all the way to the tip of her tail. So cute! 

You smile, thinking back on when you woke up three years ago. Hope was running around with Blue on the beach. Blue, chittering away as she walked behind Hope who ran away giggling. As Hope ran, she tripped over her own two feet and face planted into the sand. Immediately you spring into action and run to catch up and make sure she is OK. 

"Babygirl, are you ok?" You ask, kneeling down as she sits up spitting out sand. You wipe her head and hair to get rid of the sand. 

"I'm OK mommy. Sand is not tasty." Hope spat out one more bit of sand before getting back up and running around again. Blue pounces right in front of her and she screeches, reminding you of your own similar screech a long while ago. 

"Aagghh!!" You scream out, as you have another contraction. Blue was nearby, agitated from hearing your screams. You used to be a nurse before you found Owen and moved with him, so you knew what you had to do. It hurt more than expected with each wave of contractions. As you pushed one last time, out came your little girl, crying with a healthy set of lungs. You swaddled her in a soft blanket and clamped and cut the cord. You clean her off with some sterile water, and then yourself once she's taken care of. 

"My little Hope," you whisper as your baby girl calms down. "If only your daddy was here to see you."

A hand touches your cheek, startling you out of your memories. Hope stands in front of you, her tiny hand squishing your cheek slightly. 

"Mommy, why's your face like that?" Hope asked, you realized you had teared up slightly and quickly wiped them away. 

"Nothing baby. I just miss your daddy, that’s all." You reply. 

"Ohh. Alwight mommy." She says, before giving you a peck on the cheek. You grin and return the kiss. 

"Let's go back home, hm? It's getting late," You say, holding out your arms to pick her up. She comes close and you put her on your hip while you walk, Blue by your side while making the normal trek home. 

As you arrive home, you set Hope down, and she runs into your home, it thankfully wasn’t destroyed when the dinosaurs escaped. You give Blue a pat on her snout and she snorts, before running off to do her own thing. 

“Mommy, I’m weddy to plant! ” Hope waddles out of your home wearing a blue jurassic world t-shirt, inside out, attempting to put on a little apron you had made to hold a small trowel to help you tend the garden. 

“Oh Hope, come here little one.” You say, smiling at her determination to be independent. She toddles over and you quickly fix her shirt, and tie her little apron around her waist. You go inside and grab yours with all the tools, and make your way to the garden. You hand her a trowel to hold onto while you pull any weeds, and trim any dead plants away. You grin as she sticks it straight down into the apron, still holding it secure. Once you finish you take Hope inside to give her a bath. You drop all your tools on the table and get her set up. She loves to sit in the water so you almost have to force her out after 15 minutes. 

“No! I don’ wanna get dry yet!” Hope yells, and you raise your eyebrows at her. 

“Oh really? But if you stay in too long, you’ll look old and wrinkly! A wrinkly baby Hope!” You exclaim. 

“Let’s get your pretty self dry,"  You say, and she settles after a few minutes. You grab a towel to wrap around her, and another to dry her brown hair, the same shade as Owen’s. You change her into another blue raptor shirt and a cute pair of matching raptor shorts. You both get settled into your bed, snuggled up under the blankets.

“I love you mommy.” Hope yawns, snuggling into your arms.

“I love you too, Hope,” You say, smiling softly at the little girl who looks so much like her dad. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning you awake to Blue chirping for your attention. Slowly rolling over and opening your eyes, you realize Hope isn’t next to you anymore. 

“Hope? Baby where are you?” You call out and when you don’t get a response you quickly search through the house before making your way outside. There you find Hope, playing with some dinosaur figures on the steps with Blue watching her intently. “Hope! Why’d you come out here?” 

“Mommy was sad in sleep. You cried. I tought I huwt you so I came here.” Hope said, still playing with a blue raptor toy. You must’ve been dreaming of Owen. 

“No baby, you could never hurt mommy. She was just having bad dreams, ok?” You say, scooping her up in a hug. 

“Alwight mommy.” She hugged you back and continued to play with her toys. Smiling, you go back inside and get ready for the day. As time passes throughout the day you busy yourself outside in the garden, making a pathway for a new crop while Hope plays with her dinosaurs. All of a sudden Blue is nearby chittering and chirping away, Hope runs towards you and hides behind your legs. Turning you see several people. All of a sudden you have strong arms wrapped around you. A familiar scent engulfs your nose and you immediately burst into tears. 

“Owen!” 

“Y/n/n!” Owen says, and he pulls away for a second. He grabs your chin to look up at him, both of you staring into each other's eyes, and your lips meet, for the first time in 3 years. You missed his scent, his touch, his everything. This time, you pull away at the small tug on your pant leg.

“Owen, I have somebody I want you to meet. Sweetie, this is Hope. Hope, this is your daddy,” You say, picking Hope up to introduce her to her father. Owens eyes widen before he engulfs you both into a hug. 

“Daddy? Hi.”

“Hi baby. I’m so glad to finally meet you. I’ve missed you for a very long time.” Owen said, pressing his forehead to Hope's, then yours. “I’ve missed you both, so much. I thought you were dead!” 

“I’ve missed you too. And the Mosasaur didn’t get me. I was out of the water before he came up. How did you know I was here?” You ask.

“Sedrick Masrani was searching the island, Claire told me when she knew it to be real. I was lost without you,” Owen replied. “And now I will never be lost again. Let’s go home.”

“Yes, let’s go,” You say, and you kiss Owen one more time to make sure you’re not dreaming. 

More Than Anything

Relationship: Shyan, Mentioned Standrew Tags: Insecure Ryan, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, secret relationship Tropes: Bathtub fic, Secret relationship

There was something intimate about it all. Intimate in a way that they hadn’t been all week. It was something about being close to each other while the cameras were still rolling. Something he couldn’t quite place. Something that made his tongue feel too big for his mouth and his palms sweaty. “I can’t believe the jets don’t work. We’re literally just taking a bath together.”

Ryan was laughing it off, desperately trying to defuse the tension building between them. The tension suffocates Shane with each second that ticks by. But the cameras weren’t filming now and Shane couldn’t bring himself to laugh back. Couldn’t bring himself to look it in the eye for fear of what he might see. “Yeah. Weird right?” No. That was wrong. They’d bathed together before.

Wrong wrong wrong but he couldn’t make the right words. He didn’t know what to say. So he pulled himself up and stepped out of the lukewarm water. He could feel Ryan’s eyes on his back. Knew there was a question in the down turn of his mouth. It was too intimate. Too close. The cameras weren’t rolling, but they had been.

—

“Why does it bother you so much?” Shane wanted to pretend he hadn’t heard the soft question, but he knew Ryan would be able to tell he wasn’t asleep yet. Instead he made a soft noncommittal sound. It didn’t bother him. It really didn’t. “Shane.”

Another long pause then Ryan sighed and rolled over so his back was pressed against Shane’s. The heat of it a scorching line through his shirt. “Goodnight, big guy…” he wanted to pretend he didn’t hear the hesitation in his voice. Pretend he couldn’t hear the hurt just under the surface, but he could. And he did and it felt like something in his chest shriveled up and died.

“Night, Ry.” He clenched his eyes shut at the pain behind his sternum. He was fucking this all up, he knew it. Could practically taste it in the air between them. Why does it bother you so much? Because—because because because.

Because when the cameras were filming they weren’t Shane and Ryan anymore. They were ‘Shane and Ryan’. They were skeptic and believer. They were best friends. Ghoul boys. When they were filming they had a reputation to uphold. They had the integrity of the show to think about.

When they weren’t filming they just— they weren’t. When they weren’t filming they were allowed to be themselves. He was allowed to be Shane, and Ryan was allowed to be Ryan. And they weren’t expected to keep up that carefully constructed dynamic. They were allowed to be Shane and Ryan and be ‘Shane and Ryan’ and they just—no one else needed to know they were.

“I—love you?” His heart cracked open because it sounded like a question and Shane hated it. Hated that he’d made Ryan question it, question them, at all. He felt sick as he carefully rolled over, the warmth of Ryan’s back slipping away. Shane saw his shoulders tense and it struck him again that Ryan didn’t know. He couldn’t know because Shane didn’t tell him. Couldn’t tell him.

He slipped an arm over his waist and pulled Ryan closer. Buried his nose in barely damp hair and held on tight. The static cam blinked innocently at the end of the bed and there’d be so much footage they wouldn’t be able to use but Shane pushed that to the back burner. He pushed away the anxiety of editing but he just didn’t care. Because he couldn’t let Ryan think he didn’t love him. Couldn’t let him think that was what Shane’s hang up was. “Love you more than anything.” It was muttered into Ryan’s hair, pressed into his skin like a benediction.

God he hoped Ryan understood.

Why does it bother you so much?

Because no one else deserves to see what you mean to me.

—

“Did you see the Instagram post Steven made?” There was a carefully constructed wall around Ryan’s question. One that sent up red flags immediately in Shane’s head. Beside him Ryan kept scrolling through Twitter, head pillowed against Shane’s arm, but he was too nonchalant. His eyes were too focused, in the way you knew they weren’t really looking at the phone screen.

“The one about him and Andrew? I did.” He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his nose. “I’m happy for them.” Ryan made a soft ‘hmm’ noise in the back of his throat as Shane set his own phone down. Every fiber in his body was screaming ‘ABORT ABORT ABORT’ but his mouth was, once again, out to completely ruin him. “Better him than me.”

Ryan stiffened against him before he roughly jerked away. “What’s that supposed to mean?” There was a bite to his tone mirrored in his eyes. Shane wished he had the right words but everything kept coming out wrong.

“I just mean that Steven’s more suited for it.” The alarms were blaring.

“It.” Oh. Oh no. No no no he wanted to back track. Wanted to explain himself better but he couldn’t get the words out before Ryan was pulling away. Rising to his feet with his hands clenched at his sides. “Well sorry you’re not suited for it.” He snapped, turning on his heel and storming toward the hotel bathroom.

The door slammed shut before Shane could even get off the couch. Shit. Shit shit shi— “That isn’t what I meant!” But the door stayed shut and the sound of the shower running drained out his words.

—

“Ry?” Shane asked tentatively almost an hour later as he stood outside the bathroom door. “I just meant the spotlight suited them better. Ryan, please open the door.” For the longest time there was no sound other than the shower water running, then a soft, barely there hiccup.

Shane’s stomach fell to his feet. Oh. It didn’t take much to scare Ryan, not really, but to make him cry? “Fuck.” It was breathed out as he pressed his forehead to the door. Trying the knob it gave with a light click. “Baby? I’m coming in alright?” He hesitated long enough for Ryan to protest if needed. When none came Shane slowly opened the door and sighed at the sight before him.

The shower curtain was wide open, Ryan sitting in the tub with his back under the spray. His knees were drawn up to his chest with his chin hooked over top. They let the silence stretch on longer as Shane came over, hesitating only briefly before climbing into the tub to sit opposite Ryan.

Drawing his own legs up, Shane wrapped his arms around them and muttered softly, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t talking about our relationship Ry.” A small understanding nod and a small hitched breath was the only reply for a few minutes.

“Why does it bother you if people know?” Ryan asked on a sharp intake of breath. His voice broke on the last word and Shane felt sick with the sound. “About this? Us?” A puffed out humorless laugh and then, “Are you ashamed of me?”

“What? No! That’s not—no!” Dread gripped at his lungs and he couldn’t breathe. “I’m not ashamed of you, or us, or anything like that! I just—I meant that I couldn’t… I couldn’t do it. Not like Steven or Andrew can.” This wasn’t how he wanted to approach the subject. It wasn’t how he wanted to admit it and the nausea was almost unbearable.

Dark eyes looked up though clumped lashes and Ryan’s arms slipped tighter around his legs. He looked like a child. The thought struck him like a blow to the chest and Shane could only reach out and trace his knuckles along Ryan’s cheek. “I can’t share you.” It came spilling out like an over filled pot left to boil. Too hot, too much to be contained.

Ryan leaned into the touch with a sigh. “So instead you want to keep our relationship a secret.”

“I don’t want to share you with the world, Ry. No one else needs to know what we have. Andrew and Steven can keep that spotlight. They live for that spotlight. I—don’t. All I need is you, Ryan. All I want is you.” He couldn’t stop the words once they started, couldn’t pull back and rethink. Because if he did that, they wouldn’t be said. And Ryan… Ryan deserved to know. To understand. “I’m not trying to keep us a secret. I just don’t want to post it on fuckin Instagram for the world to scrutinize.”

His hand trailed down and back to wrap around the back of Ryan’s neck. “People, fans, they already suspect something’s between us and you know how they are. If we were to make some big deal about coming out or whatever—“ A harsh breath and a shake of his head, “It’ll be like throwing a meatball to starving wolves. I want to be able to enjoy what we have. I’ve seen couples fall apart after going public and I don’t—I don’t want to resent you, Ry.”

Ryan moved one hand to grip the outside of Shane’s knee as he exhaled slowly. “I don’t want to share you like that, but if that’s what you want,” Ryan looked up sharply, eyes frantically searching Shane’s neutral expression. “I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you, you know that.” He could feel the tightening in his chest loosen at the admittance. Could feel his fears swirling down the drain as Ryan’s insecurity cracked away.

“I wasn’t meaning to hide you away as some dirty secret. I just wanted to enjoy being with you like a normal person.”

“I don’t need the world to know, Shane.” It was whispered into the small space between their folded knees. “I just want you to stop pulling away from me like you’ve been burned every time we touch on camera. I’m tired of thinking you don’t care about me.” His fingers tightened on the uncomfortably wet fabric of Shane’s pajama pants. “We don’t have to explicitly say anything but I don’t want you pretending we’re less than what we actually are.”

His hand fell away as Shane’s hand tightened around the nape of his neck. “I don’t need to do some public announcement or some grand gesture, I just need you, my boyfriend, beside me.”

Shane nodded numbly as he leaned forward to press his forehead to Ryan’s. “Yeah… yeah okay. I think I can do that.” It was breathed against his lips as Ryan’s curled into a gentle smile.

“I know you can, big guy.” He pressed their lips together before pulling away with a mischievous smile, “You know what else I need?”

“Hmm?”

“To get out from under this water. I’m freezing and pruney.” Shane wheezed out a low laugh and shook his head before pushing himself up to reach behind Ryan’s head and turn the water off. Stepping out of the tub he smiled warmly down at Ryan.

“I’ll get you a towel.” Ryan smiled up at him, open and honest and something warm and gooey melted in his heart. He turned to go back into the hotel room for dry clothes and the fluffy towel in the closet when Ryan’s low voice called back to him,

“Hey, Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to share you, either.” He could hear it clear as a bell. Tucked neatly behind his own words. I love you too. It warmed him from the top of his head down to his own pruney, sopping toes.