vanished

where there was nothing to laugh about but plenty to write about."

it’s about control.

when they say recovery is harder

when they say recovery makes them want to

end it all

i never realized how painful recovery could be

in my mind, it was always ed land or perfect recovery

for the past few months, i have powered through

without a second thought

i didn’t realize there was a place

where you still ate it all

and yet you cried yourself to sleep every night

wanting to return

i wish i was still oblivious

i’ve gotten hooked on the song dear society by madison beer recently, and even though it’s openly about social media, here’s why i think it’s also about (or at least can be related to) eds.

Sleepless nights and cigarettes

My daily dose of internet

And all the things I shoulda quit, but never did, oh

cigarettes and internet, speaks for itself

-

Evil voices in my head

if you imagine it’s about eds, it makes so much sense...especially an4/m1a’s voice?

- 

But even after all that I do

It's you who's gonna be the death of me

And none of this matters

Baby, it's you, it's you

eds k1ll, and nothing else matters, just the voice of the ed and 3a+ing

-

You're bad for my health

I should probably get some help

I can't control myself, I'm addicted to the hell

it’s bad for your health, and you know you’re sick, but you can’t stop--it’s an addiction

-

My heart is getting sick from the tar that's on your lips

Yeah, you're bad for my health

You should hurt somebody else

r3strict1ng especially has a huge impact on your heart, and it’s like a monster there to hurt you

-

Diets that I shouldn't try, feels like social suicide

this part was why i first brought eds into this...d1ets tend to cause r3str1ction, but if you don’t you’re convinced to think that no one will like you, and it’s so normal in society so you do it anyways

-

And honestly, it's cyanide, I'm born to die Been 21 since 17, thanks to all the magazines Man, sometimes, I just wanna scream and break my screen

the internet is such a big part of the cause bc of all the models, d1et tips, etc.

-

Dear society, you've pushed me to the edge

Do here's some clarity (Clarity)

The truth is, you're the one who's always there for me