Satan's Brat

ilya pays the bill at restaurants by lying that he’s going to the bathroom - shane starts doing this too and now it’s a race to see who can covertly pay first

shane is super outdoorsy and can fix a lot of stuff around the house AND has tools!!!! ilya calls him mr get it done after hearing the GloRilla song

shane INSISTS on russian only days to accelerate his learning

when shane and ilya hang out with rose, she mentions about how shane was such a chill boyfriend and not possessive at all and ilya cannot control his laughter

shane uses ilya as his personal weighted blanket and other sensory grounding techniques (“can you grab and pull my hair” “kinky” “no - actually later”)

shane collected ilya’s hockey cards but had to have a huge binder of everyone’s so it doesn’t seem like he’s only collecting ilya’s cards - ilya has shane’s rookie card in his wallet (awwww)

lots of cuteness aggression doesn’t matter who’s around!!!!!!

“listen” “listening”

ilya’s entire camera roll goes from random pictures to shane shane shane - shane sleeping shane eating shane standing infront of the tv claiming he’s not watching shane in hockey gear shane cooking shane with anya shane at the cottage shane at the camps shane in his childhood bedroom shane shane shane

during the first year they were were officially dating but ilya was in boston; hayden jokes that shane should get lily flowers and draaags him to a flower shop so shane shows up to ilya’s house with lillies & after that ilya sends shane roses to tease him on game days

when apart; ilya sends 100 voice notes a day to shane (shane listens to them all together like asmr)

ilya will kiss shane just to steal lip balm

if shane is laying on the couch ilya will lay on him and put his head in shane’s shirt (“you’re stretching out the material”)

their shared google calendar is run like the navy (“hollander i don’t see blowjobs on thursday? i will add” “STOP IT MY MOM SEES THIS CALENDAR”)

ilya lowballs people on fb marketplace and then uses shane’s account to lowball them further

ilya’s snoring is so bad you can hear it from other rooms but it’s the only noise shane can sleep through its like white noise for shane

ilya posts a single tik tok and it's because he loves the 'husband haul' trend where he spends 45 seconds ragebaiting shane 'weak backhand' 'mr real estate' hollander and shane has the angry kitten face the entire time

ilya writes to do lists / grocery lists in cyrillic and his penmanship is gorgeous (shane is surprised his jock hockey player husband has nice handwriting and that it took him 10 years to see it)

ilya calls troy his best friend and shane gets jealous

shane carries the bags when they go anywhere

ilya is shane’s emergency contact but shane’s parents are ilya’s emergency contact