Today is a day of peace. Not Persei, the peace that I would have preferred, but nevertheless I have reached a state of closure. I’m not sure what it is, or how I even know this to be true, but something tells me you are doing great.
After what I did, I felt nothing but regret. Each day the hole in my heart tore open just a little bit more. I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror at the monster that I am.
For one year I hated myself. So called god punishing me for my indubious and supersive actions. I almost had no heart anymore and suddenly, today, I woke up somehow cleansed.
For I believe you have really gotten over the damage I’ve caused you. If I could never have you back, which I couldn’t, then that was what I wished for before I slept every night.
Last night you were in my dream. I spoke to you and you did not respond with hostility. Instead you beemed with ambition. For the first time in a long time, I saw your smile. It was not for me, but I expected this much. You said you were doing better than you have been in a long time. I envied you.
Somehow, I know this to be true. It still pains me that I will never have you back in my life, but the hole in my heart can sew itself together at the thought of me erased from your thoughts. It’s quite the oxymoron. A haunting satisfaction, if you will.
I suppose that’s what love is. Mistakes, pain, and lastly, acceptance.
This is all a shot in the dark, a random guess. But if it’s not, I am so happy for you. Of any person on this planet who deserves the best, it is you.
Good luck to you. You will still remain in my thoughts, but I too can finally get on with my so called life.
At last, I can forgive myself. Thank you.
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