Take Me Away

I hate giving ppl my phone number cuz then they’ll be calling and texting me like … this is my safe space … show some respect

a voicemail bitch a voicemail? are we married?

my budgeting app is like “did you know you’ve shopped at panda express 3 times this month?” to roast me like YEAH. maybe i HAVE. maybe i go buy crab rangoons every time i fail an exam bc the girl who closes during the week always tells me she likes my HAIR and sometimes it’s NICE to have a little POSITIVE INTERACTION WITH A STRANGER. and i steal plastic FORKS from there. is that OKAY with you?

this is the only food critic I’ll accept at my restaurant.

@beastlysoul

Feeding your animals (safe) but new-to-them foods is botha great source of enrichment for the and endless hilarity for you.  I reccomend green beans because they’re unwieldly for them to eat so its an involved process.

i wonder how many people i’m in the “i’d be down if you asked” zone with