I never got to believe in you much. The first time I found out you weren't real was when my parents, after seeing my Christmas wishlist, said that "Santa won't give you a toy gun cause that's violent." I always thought that, from the movies I've seen and books I've read, Santa gave you what you wanted, no questions, as long as it's a toy or a pony or something a kid would like. Also it was suspicious to me that my parents would know about what I wrote down on my wishlist that I put in my stocking. I thought only you would know about that. Anyway. By that time, I stopped believing in you because I never got any toys that year, just clothes. And fuck clothes.
I'm 21 now. I know you aren't real, but for some reason, writing this right now makes you feel real to me. And now that you are fact (to some extent), I want you to read my wishlist.
- Give my parents more years. I want them to see all of their children finish college, get jobs, get fired, get into relationships, get married, have kids, the whole shebang. You know how they always say that they're living on borrowed time? Well give them more time so they stop complaining about it.
- Give my eldest sister a good life. She's getting married soon, as you know. Give her husband enough patience and give her a reason not to be a total hardass... You know how she gets. Give her her own purpose. Give her the things she wants because more often than not, the things she want aren't for her but for those she loves.
- Give my younger sister patience and calm. She's the most intense person in the family, whether she's mad or happy. When she feels, she lets you feel what she feels too. Give her control over herself, and give her the grades she wants, too.
- Give my youngest brother purpose. In his teenage years, he's pretty confused, jumping from one fad to one clique to another in the span of weeks, he is trying to fit in. Give him reason to see that he doesn't need to fit into a mold, rather, he himself is a solid mold, unique in every sense. Make him see his potential.
Well that's it. Oh wait. Yeah. I want a half kilo of weed for myself.
