Yesterday was a shitty day, so is today. Iām mentally tired and nothing is interesting me lately. Iām complaining a lot and i know it. Essentials things bored me, and you donāt get it, I canāt blame you cause all you see is me yelling at you, and you getting upset. I got a right plan, but i canāt find it back. The fact is that i canāt ask you to help me, cause youāre doing enough, and you got other stuff to think about. Iām just sorry for everything you went through when i behave like an asshole. I donāt know how to say it, iām just bored and sad inside. There is nothing you can do, I just hope it will go away, unless my life will be a mess for good. I canāt see myself without you, and there is so many things i would like to change in my mind, and I feel like a monster when i make you upset and then i donāt apologizeĀ ācause iām proud. I know that saying that iām sorry wouldnāt change anything, but thatās how i am right now, iām sad and i feel lonelyĀ ācause i wonāt see you a lot in the next days. I hope youāll forgive me, and you still think that iām the right person for you. I hate myself,Ā ācause iām not doing the rights things for people i love. I miss you, and iām the only one to blame,Ā ācause if you donāt want to contact me, thatās cause what iāve done to you. Iām trying to explain why i sleep so much, why iām lazy, and why i smoke so much. Cause all i want is escape from everything i did wrong. Iām sorry, and i donāt have anything else to tell you. Maybe itās childish, but i wish you could be there and say thats everything would be alright. But you canāt, and you wonātĀ ācause youāre upset right now, and you donāt want to see me. Iām so tired. Know that you got my heart forever, even if I donāt really show it lately. We could be so good if I was not like that.Ā
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