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I'm hella scared.... every... single... day. Para akong binabangungot hanggang sa paggising ko. This is the worst feeling in the world. Akala ko alam ko na paano ko malalagpasan kasi ilang beses ko na nalagpasan pero parang games din pala to tumataas din pala yung level. Eto yung mga pagkakataon na sana bigla na lang ako maglaho na walang makakaalala sakin para hindi na ako tuluyan pang makasakit ng iba. Ang hirap magpanggap na okay kasi tuloy tuloy lanf ang buhay.

while wearing the bracelet I bought her for her birthday.

We weren’t official,

but we did everything couples do.

Late-night phone calls.

Good morning texts.

Inside jokes.

Shared playlists.

Even talked about baby names once—

half-joking, but it still meant something to me.

Her birthday came.

I got her a simple gold bracelet.

Had it engraved:

“You are enough.”

She cried when I gave it to her.

Said no one had ever made her feel that seen.

Said I was “rare.”

Two weeks later?

She sat me down and said:

“I’m just not in the right place for something serious.”

Said I was “amazing,”

but she needed “space to figure herself out.”

The bracelet was still on her wrist.

That’s when I realized:

She didn’t want love.

She wanted what love feels like.

The attention.

The effort.

The warmth.

But not the accountability that comes with actually reciprocating it.

Avoidants don’t just run.

They romanticize their exit.

Make it sound deep.

Spiritual.

Like they’re protecting you

from the very intimacy they pulled you into.

And if you’re not careful—

you’ll mistake their avoidance

for emotional depth.

But love doesn’t leave

just because it gets real.

So next time?

I won’t fight to stay in someone’s “almost.”

I’ll wait for someone

who doesn’t flinch

when love gets close.