TAX EVASION FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

You think robots can’t get pregnant? Well explain vending machines, you dumb ass.

I feel like a 3d printer is a better analogy because it actually builds the thing inside it but yeah

3d printers are viviparous, vending machines are hosts for parasitoid doctors pepper that oviposit their eggs inside them

if a vending machine drops its drink and it explodes, it's ovoviviparous

The groom's best friend is Duke Thomas, the sister is Steph.

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

Languages tend to peak at their word for butterfly. Never seen 2 that are the same, either. Papillon. Mariposa. Borboleta. Fluture. Vlinder. Schmetterling. Pillangó. Babochka. Farfalla. Sommerfugl. Perhonen. Farasha. Titali. Chōchō. Nabi. Húdié. Buom buom. Great job guys, i really mean it.

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

words cannot describe how much i love showering. my wet contemplative box

getting kicked off love island for just swimming in the pool and not talking to anyone

we have to stop moralizing the human condition and start jerking each other off while making out

religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women

Best brain hack is taking “this too shall pass” and applying it in the micro. The panic you feel from an argument with a friend, wanting to get on your phone when you should be studying, the absolute obsession with someone you’re crushing on, pain from rejection, utter hopelessness at a situation that is not entirely hopeless. Heavy on situations that induce panic and incentivize you to act out of turn, maybe to send a text you shouldn’t be sending or to blow up at someone or whatever it is. The antidote to knee jerk reactions is literally just “this too shall pass” and allowing yourself to feel the physical manifestation of your extreme emotion. Literally just ride it out. Even for things that can’t immediately be resolved, it makes such a big difference and prevents you from reacting in ways that you would undoubtedly regret down the line.