from sonder st.

⁣Hello, we are students from FTA242 (Creative Thinking) from UiTM Puncak Perdana. From Sonder St. is our final assignment project to rise the awareness of mental illnesses amongst creatives.⠀

From Sonder St. is a safe space for creatives to express and share their struggles from mental illnesses.⠀

Sonder means the realization that each random passer-by is living their own complex lives. Streets are where most creative minds get their inspiration to do their work, be it writing a poem, painting a canvas or hand making a dress. We creatives gather our inspiration by sitting down and observing others, thus making the community we’ve created to be named From Sonder St.

Mental illness is quite common nowadays especially among the creative industry. People whose careers revolve around the creative world such as writers, actors or painters have a higher risk of having mental health issues.⠀

According to an article written by Christensen (2013), a depressive episode tends to last longer and it is more severe as creatives have a natural inclination to keep on reflecting on it. Creatives use their art to express themselves and inspire others. From Sonder St. wishes to allow them the excess of having just that through our platform.

⁣(tw: december 18, possible triggers of suicidal thoughts and anxiety)

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BREATH (2016)

Breath by Leehi is a song written and composed by SHINee's Jonghyun. A song about love, a song that allows you to take a moment. When you feel like everything's too much, breath, it's okay to do so. It really is.

The song tells the story of how someone is exhausted, tired and all along the lines of everyday life. Telling others that it's okay to stop, breath and look at the world continue running for a moment.

The world is exhausting, so rest when you need to, someone will listen to you and hear your heavy sighs. To whoever that reads this, thank you for working so hard, thank you for living.

(tw: primary trauma, fear of abandonment)

drawing by sunshine

"i was 13 with no knowledge of japanese when i drew this art. my mother had left us. she would come back a few weeks after... then leave again. i saw my father in those few days. i heard him contemplating leaving us too while my mother was away. i thought it was normal for your parents to leave you, for you to wait over 10 hours for them to come home but they don't, so i didn't tell anyone else. i was hurt, so i drew. i was scared, so i drew. i drew a scene of the future i wished to see, a feeling of serenity and safety i craved to exist. i drew something i believed could never be mine. some days, i still think it's an illusion — and my god, am i terrified."

⁣(tw: eating disorders, hallucinations, self harm, death, suicide, bad family relationships) ⠀

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WINTERGIRLS (2009)⠀

Wintergirls is a novel by Laurie Halse Anderson. The story follows the lives of Cassie, who is anorexic who is haunted by her best friend Lia's death due to her bulimia. The night before Lia died, she called Cassie 33 times begging for help.

Cassie is then haunted by Lia's ghost; further destructing herself more, being more critical with her calorie count and exercising more and more.

Cassie has been admitted before, unwillingly and that has resulted in a detrimental relationship with her parents. When Lia's ghost appears more and more, asking Cassie to join her on the other side, she finally breaks loose and goes to the motel where Lia killed herself. There, Cassie swallows sleeping pills and collapses. When she woke up, Cassie knew she wanted to live.

Reading Wintergirls was very hard personally, because of how descriptive the body issues girls had to face. I had to pause a few times and recollect my thoughts so I knew wouldn't feel like it was too much. The author really described the reality of losing a friend, struggling with eating disorders and the will of wanting to live despite everything in a way that I actually saw the story unfold in front my eyes. It was a good read, both emotionally and realistically speaking.

(tw: eating disorders, purging, anxiety)

drabble by cherry

"I don't know when this started but I remembered that I would be looking up the number of calories on everything I consumed. If it's over 500kcal, I would be forcing myself to throw everything up. I tried the famous IU diet once, but it seemed too much for me, so I cut off the apple and protein shake and only consumed the 2 sweet potatoes. I liked it when people started saying I looked skinnier, but it's weird how I didn't feel like it. My mother praised me a lot too, and that made me feel like the best daughter. Slowly, my body started shaking, trembling, I saw shadows. I slept more to stop myself. I didn't see friends anymore because that meant more calculating and more visits to the bathroom. I stopped going to school. Math became a good subject because I had to count a lot, so it became a habit. Counting. Counting. Until one day I saw nothing. Then slowly, I started seeing colour. I think this plain yoghurt is very nice when you eat it with granola, dried fruit and chocolate chips! I'm going to be making ramen later with some cheese. Then later this week, my friends and I are going to this famous cafe to try their burgers and shakes, I cant't wait! To be saying this, was a miracle at one point."

(tw: depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, toxic relationships)

writing by amber

"My life and problems"

DANGLING, from MELANCHOLY — A GIRL CALLED DEPRESSION collection (2017)⠀⠀

Janelia Mould is a South African surrealist photographer. Mould mentioned that she has always been drawn to fantasy. She also said that she has always thought her imaginations was incredibly overactive and vivid and was sometimes dark. ⠀

Her collection 'Melancholy — A Girl Called Depression' is a series of self portraits of a girl with a detached head or limbs to express how people with depression feel; incomplete. ⠀

Each of the work in this series are accompanied with a quote that has inspired her to do the concept of the photo. 'Dangling' was posted with a quote by Sylvia Plath, "Why can't I try different lives, like dresses, to see which one fits the best?" ⠀

sources: ⠀

https://mymodernmet.com/janelia-mould-conceptual-photography-depression/ ⠀

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THE SCREAM (1893)

Edvard Munch is a Norwegian painter that suffered from anxiety and hallucinations and used his art to talk about his mental illnesses. His art talks about his trauma that revolved around the topics of death of loved ones to the feeling of loneliness.

Munch's paintings were known to be one of the best paintings that revolved around symbolism. The Scream (1893) described as a 'soul painting' by the artist himself. Telling the story of his struggles to keep up with his career as an artist. The inspiration behind this painting was when he was having his evening walk and realised the sky has turned blood red, making him hear an 'infinite scream' as he trembled with anxiety.

Due to how expressive he was through his art, he has became one of the main figures that revolutionised symbolism paintings in the German expressionism art world. Due to so many suppressed emotions he had while growing up, it took a toll on him and expressed it through his work, which has now opened a new gate for artists to use their voice as a tool to talk about their mental health.

⁣(tw: social anxiety, tight spaces, large crowds, mentions of domestic abuse and grooming ) ⠀

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drabble by c.⠀

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"i don't really know what to put as a picture so this is actually the thesis paper i'm working on. being a final year student is so very hard, i knew it was exhausting and i guess it made matters worse with how my part time job is to be a content creator. i also do talks sometimes and that's terrifying. i was never like this until one day i had to face a crowd of hundreds for the first time in my life. then, i broke down in cold sweat and fainted. after multiple checkups, i was diagnosed with PTSD. 6 years of my hard work felt like it went to waste when i was diagnosed with that. the only thing i told people was i fainted from exhaustion that day. i still do give talks, but i'd have to swallow pills to help calm me down. i don't know how to quit because this is the money that feeds my family to good things occasionally; a present for my parents, treating my brother to KFC and all that fun jazz. talking in front of even 3 people, even in a zoom call makes me pick my nails now. i feel chocked up. learning that i developed this over childhood trauma ate my whole life up, i didn't realise i was being abused by the people i love, i didn't realise it was grooming. i always knew that deep down inside i had a fear of crowds, but i didn't know it was this bad. i feel like a failure. it took me 3 whole days to write this down, i'm sorry if it seems or sounds stupid. thank you for sharing my words, this helped me a little."⠀

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⁣we don't know who needs this, but they listen, they really do.⠀

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⁣(tw: depression, hallucinations, suicidal tendencies) ⠀

picture by j.s⠀

"I took this photo when I got my first phone back in 2014, the original is gone but I have this edited one. When I was standing on the bridge above the train track, the first thing I saw was a boy sitting on the bridge to my right, giggling and smiling, holding his arm out to me. The next was the feeling of being pushed down by someone. All I saw was grey, and thought it'd be the perfect chance to do that, it was a good height, I was sure I wouldn't survive. Years of being friends with things I didn't want and taking pills to make them stop was a haunting feeling that creeped into my bones. The feelings were gone for a moment when someone tapped my shoulder and said the station is closing soon so I had to hurry. This sight was what saved me that day and what started my love for photography and the sky. I never told this to anyone, so I hope whoever reads this, won't know who I am. I'm just a simple boy who likes capturing the sky with my lousy iphone6 and is still fighting his own shadows for a decade now."⠀

⁣(tw: self harm, depression) ⠀

poem by m.n.⠀

"When it’s too much to bear at the moment but you don’t want to carry it into the future. A desperate effort of wanting to feel better, to recover.⠀

Every time I look at my wrist or arm on nights when the thoughts come in, normally it’ll be fine after a while after I distract myself from not doing it. But that one night I felt like I almost drowned so I picked up a pen and wrote it down instead. It felt so much better after that, and I’ve never put down the pen after that."⠀

⁣(tw: suicidal thoughts, loneliness) ⠀

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video by mirul, @/almirulmuqminin (instagram)

song: billie eilish - listen before i go⠀

"This was a short video I made just to clear my head out. I was in a really low point at that time because everyone around me has put an expectation for me to achieve and make something work but I messed it up and now people are talking behind me and saying bad things about me. And that hit me real hard. So I made this short video of me on one of my night rides with my close friends and how happy I am at that time. It was to remind me that not every storm has to last forever, there's always a beautiful calmness after it."

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MIRROR (1961)⠀

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Mirror is two stanza poem written by Sylvia Plath. It tells the story of a women who sees herself growing old as each day passes by, sometimes she wants to believe the later; that she wasn't and was still young and pretty.⠀

Plath's experience with fighting mental illnesses was a journey some never expected. The first time she tried to commit suicide was at the young age of 19. Some articles stated it was at 10 when she tried to end her life after her dad has passed. Being a creative women in the 20th century, she's looked up on as one of the pioneers who started confessional poetry (poems that are written in the perspective of I). ⠀

Her works were tied with mental health; one of the most famous ones are The Bell Jar which tells the story of how Esther Greenwood, an aspiring poet fought both depression and social expectations of women in the 50s. ⠀

Sylvia Plath fought until the very end, but came to rest at the age of 30 years old; inhaling gas from her kitchen oven. Plath's brief writing career has became and inspiration for many, especially amongst young women and those who discuss heavy issues that society refuses to discuss. ⠀

The lake in the poem Mirror was where the persona would look at her true self; we hope she knows the moonlight that accompanied writers during the late nights and warm candle light really helped many people coped, especially through her stories and how she's now looked upon as one of the brightest and loveliest writers there is.⠀

LOVING VINCENT (2017)⠀

This is a movie I've always loved. So many movies of this revolutionary painter was made to tell his story but this movie? This movie was a show stopper. ⠀

It took 125 painters and 6 years of making. After 65000 frames, the film was born.⠀

Vincent van Gogh's death was a mystery for many; was he shot or did he shoot himself? Growing up, the name Vincent van Gogh was in almost every book, article and video when it talked about the most revolutionary artists.⠀

Vincent suffered (suspected) of schrizophenia, psychosis, manic depression and many more mental illnesses that even after 100 years of researching, scientists couldn't find the proper diagnosis for the painter that revolutionised the art world with his brush strokes. These were some common disease that hit creatives at that time because of how belittled they were. Creatives were the people who painted the world; Vincent mentioned that the sight of stars made him dream. I wonder if he knew that when people looked up the starry sky now, people dreamed of him.