One thing I have always believed in though is nature. And I guess spiritual would maybe be the word? Idk.

Anyway, I don’t normally walk with M and the dog in the mornings even though I’ve wanted to, I let the warm bed keep me inside but something made me get up today.

We live near a couple of major highways and busy thoroughfares in the middle of the city.

I know Portland has coyotes but they aren’t normally reported over where I am.

Anyway we’re walking, and just as we’re crossing the street, a coyote appears and stares straight at me and holds eye contact. Then crosses around us and disappears around the corner. M and I look at each other and just shake our heads. I haven’t seen any coyotes since I’ve lived in Texas and only then from car windows.

We take a few steps forward and another appears! Same thing! Stares at me straight in the eyes for just a beat too long where I really am like animals don’t always make eye contact like this. Idk it wasn’t a hard stare though like dogs make when they want something from you. I felt like they were trying to beam me a message into my brain.

Then it went around us, then around the corner, and disappeared.

When we got back inside, I checked my email. My first client had paid my first ever invoice!!

I had told M earlier in the process that if I wasn’t able to close something by the end of this week, then I’d start applying for some local coffee shop type jobs.

Do I trust myself to figure it out?? Am I motivating myself to do this from a place of care and NOT from a place of shame?

It’s really hard. And was very existential there for a bit. I was looking at job postings constantly (which kept me from doing the work I should have been doing).

1. I can’t find my library card and I’m upset.

2. I’m going through all of the books in this house and I could start a library but only with pop psychology business books that were sent to me from my previous job. (Nothing ever got implemented by the way - there’s only so much research you can do before you need to start implementing. This shit pissed me off so much during that I kicked this habit entirely for myself)

3. After living through whatever the last 5 years have been and being online for it, my self imposed rule of you can’t complain about it unless you’re actively trying to fix/change the thing have really served me well and now I absolutely can’t stand this quality in other people anymore. I think this would be my hot take if anyone ever asked.

4. Cringe mountain is real and there are some days where it defeats me and other days where I defeat it.

They do tours of personal and paid landscaping/gardens and I’ve learned so much and been inspired to try things.

My goal is to build up our back and front yards. I want to get stuff for free or cheap from estate sales or fb marketplace and build over time.

Guys - the questions are such basic questions. I am of the opinion that our society rewards action and you will be successful if you consistently take action and figure out how to solve your own problems. This is cementing this more in my head.

Like, Google is free and it’s right there.

John: “No one has responded to my cold outreach! What do I do?”

Group: “have you followed up?”

John: “No! I’m at a loss on what to do next. How do I know if my offer is good if no one responds?”