just a girl

MY FRIENDS CALL ME A LOSER CAUSE I’M STILL HANGING AROUND / I’VE HEARD SO MANY RUMOURS, THAT I’M JUST A GIRL THAT YOU BANG ON YOUR COUCH

when you had met chris at a party that a mutual friend was throwing, you hadn’t really thought much of it. you figured he was someone that would become a close friend, and nothing more.

until one night, the two of you were hanging out, sprawled out on his couch as the step brothers movie played on the tv, but neither of you were paying it much mind as your attention drifted to his face, the way his lips sat in a natural pout, their usual pink hue appearing darker and all the more enticing, the way his nose sloped, causing your thoughts to slip into something of a more sinful nature.

he caught your stare, and reciprocated the attention, the corner of his mouth quirking into a lopsided smirk as he shifted closer to you, his fingers reaching out and brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and tracing down along your jaw. he smiled at the goosebumps that began to rise along your skin before he pressed his thumb against your bottom lip, gently rubbing back and forth along it.

next thing you knew, you were beneath him as his hips rutted against yours, your arousal coating both your skin and his emitting an obscene squelching sound as it slapped together, his lips nipping and sucking at every free and bare inch of skin he could spot, his left hand pressed against the couch cushion beside your head, while his fingers dug into the edge of the fabric, holding on for dear life.

his right hand was wrapped around your throat, applying the right amount of pressure that had you crawling toward the brink of orgasm as his cock pressed against your walls and filled you in all the right ways. but as your highs came to a close, your confusion spiralled.

you hadn’t expected such a turn of events, and you didn’t really have much experience in anything casual or purely physical. and your friends taunted and teased you, calling you a loser because you kept crawling back him, despite not knowing what you were.

I THOUGHT YOU THOUGHT OF ME BETTER, SOMEONE YOU COULDN’T LOSE, YOU SAID “WE’RE NOT TOGETHER” SO NOW WHEN WE KISS, I HAVE ANGER ISSUES

you finally asked chris what he thought of you, after spending almost two months in complicated hell, and you remember feeling your heart nearly beat out of his chest as he called you someone he couldn’t lose. he told you he thought the world of you, but it ended in tears as you realized that someone who thought so highly of you, wouldn’t treat you like this.

and so, you figured there was no harm in telling chris that you felt hurt by the way he treated you, by the way he’d spend hours touching and worshiping your body, only to leave in the middle of the night when you were passed out beside him. his only response cut your heart deeply, his words rang through your mind like a bell chime.

“we’re not together.”

but he still came crawling through your window almost every night, mumbling something about it feeling like home as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, or your forehead, or your lips. and every touch of his lips against your skin made you feel angry, made you feel hurt and used and discard.

you felt temporary and permanent all in the same breath, and it confused you. and it scared you. so you voiced your fears, because you knew there was no way to beat them if you avoided them like the plague. and he brushed them off as if they weren’t anything but a piece of lint on his clothes.

YOU SAID “BABY, NO ATTACHMENT.” BUT WE’RE KNEE DEEP IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND YOURE EATING ME OUT, TWO WEEKS AND YOUR MOM INVITES ME TO HER HOUSE ON LONG BEACH

any time you and chris got too close to resembling a real relationship, he’d find a way to remind you that there was no strings attached, that there was no room for attachment.

but despite him not wanting any attachment to you, he made you believe that he did. if you weren’t together, why was he coming home to you every night? why did you feel like his girlfriend if you weren’t? it stressed you out.

when you brought it up to him, he merely acknowledged what you said before muttering soft-spoken and half-hearted apologies against the flesh of your throat, his hand travelling down the front of your body, dipping into the waistband of your shorts as you shifted your hips off the passenger seat of his black dodge challenger, the orange racing stripes down the hood of the car fading as your eyes rolled back into head.

before you knew it, he was shifting your seat all the way and reclining it fully, settling himself comfortably between your legs before dipping his head between your thighs, making you cry out his name as he apologized to you in the only way he knew, but despite how good he’d make you feel physically, your heart still hurt as he peeled out of the parking lot.

the next time you saw him, his parents were visiting their apartment in los angeles, and you had taken up a conversation with his mom, falling in love with how kind she was. she had picked up on how infatuated you and chris were with one another, and she wasn’t aware that you two weren’t trying for a relationship. she had figured you were taking it slow, and so she invited you to their vacation home in long beach, thinking that chris would enjoy having you around.

but when you had told chris about the invitation, he was upset. he took the news with an stoic expression before shaking his head walking away, only to text you an hour later, telling you to decline it or say you couldn’t go. to say you were hurt was an understatement, but you obliged nonetheless, not wanting to further strain your whatever-it-was with chris.

IT’S HARD BEING CASUAL WHEN MY FAVOURITE BRA LIVES IN YOUR DRESSER, AND I TRY TO BE THE CHILL GIRL THAT HOLDS HER TONGUE AND GIVES YOU SPACE I TRY TO BE THE CHILL GIRL BUT HONESTLY I’M NOT

you were done, the emotional toll that being “casual” with chris was taking on you, was starting to destroy you. you either slept too much or not at all when you weren’t with chris. you wouldn’t eat properly or even shower regularly if you two were fighting, hoping that if he knew you were wrecking yourself, he’d show up to help save you from the self inflicted sabotage, like he was a knight in shining armour upon a noble steed, finally declaring his love for you. but every angry and upset text you sent his way went unanswered.

it was hard to see him as anything casual when your favourite clothes were tucked neatly in his dresser, when you were able to claim more than one drawer at his place. it was hard to be just casual when you had a set of skincare products and a toothbrush on his bathroom counter.

and you tried to be the calm and collected girl you once were, starting to give him space when it was clear he needed it, and you tried to hold your tongue, stopping yourself from letting those damned three words fall from your lips. but that wasn’t who you were. not anymore. you had fallen undoubtably, irrevocably, and deeply in love with chris, despite the fates never quite setting that up for the two of you.

and you couldn’t hold it back anymore. so you marched up to his apartment, your knuckles wrapping against the metal door, your confidence withering away as you began to mull over the possible outcomes of what you were about to do, but you didn’t get any time to revel in cowardice as chris pulled open the door, his eyes widening as he mets yours.

“either we’re all in or we’re done. i cant do casual anymore chris, it is killing me. i’m in love with you and i think you love me back but you’re too scared or too stubborn to let yourself admit it. so i am gonna swallow my pride and beg you to admit so that we can stop torturing ourselves.” you shamelessly beg, your arms wound tightly around your body, trying to protect yourself from the inevitable pain that would strike your heart the moment chris opened his mouth.

“i can’t admit something that isn’t real. i’m sorry.”

and with that, you were quick to turn around, feeling foolish as tears welled in your eyes as chris shut the door on your twisted relationship, both literally, and figuratively.

it’s hard loving someone, but it’s harder to pretend that you don’t to fulfill their wishes.

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christophersturniolo

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yourusername nature boy liked by creator

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christophersturniolo A man never reveals his secrets

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y/n and chris being inseparable for 10 minutes straight ▶️

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