chiggen nucket

Looks down and smiles lovingly at my boobs

Looks up and smiles smilingly at your boobs

Looks at the cave wall and smiles allegorically at the shadow of your boobs

I’m sorry my lovelies but the reason you hate yourself is because you treat you like shit. If you came up to me and then told me I was a fuck up who could never do anything right I'd fucking hate you too.

if you didn't let me go to bed until after midnight because you'd rather watch Netflix than let me rest, and then got mad at me for not being productive the next day I'd be PISSED

??? we love fat tummies here idiot

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

if you are fat and slutty you NEED to stay alive. you Have to. im so serious

enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn’t get uncomfortable after 5 minutes

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

(opening my ribcage) and this is where i keep my hot stab of shame

obviously dietary requirements aren't a joke but my grandma sometimes runs errands for her church and i asked her what she's up to today and she said extremely seriously "ive got to track down the body of the gluten free christ, julia"

this totally scans for a swear intensifier btw. what in the gluten free christ is going on here, Julia

The science behind THC + alcohol as a combination is literally soo interesting because it basically causes the crimson red duckling in your body to confront the serpent in the bronze vessel of your heart. Basically you feel good because the duckling is able to eat the harmonious seeds stored within the vessel and transfer these positive energies into your body. You can have bad highs when this happens if the duckling awakens the serpent and it bites the duckling. The interesting part is when you ingest alcohol after THC because it floods the vessel and causes the serpent to fall into a deep sleep. The duckling never gets attacked by the serpent when this happens because it is unconscious and the duckling is actually able to get fat from the harmonious seed, which causes an enjoyable sensation.