The Yaya Show

Heyy guys!! How’ve ya’ll been lately? As for me, I’ve been watching some superhero movies lately. Although, I’m honestly not a fan of the entire genre itself. But, I gave it a shot, and honestly.. I thought the whole superhero concept was pretty Kool. And yes, that’s cool with a capital K. I honestly thought about what kind of superhero I would’ve been if I was a part of the Marvel or DC universe. Or, maybe just an entirely different world altogether. But, to be honest, I think I would be a different kind of superhero, or should I say super being. But anyways, let me elaborate on what kind of super being I would be. Yes, I actually took the time to think about this. So, I hope you all enjoy this little Wikipedia of my personal superhero.

First, let me lay down some general information about who my superhero is and their role in society. Well, let me just start with the name. I honestly don’t want to refer to my character as my actual legal name or even my nickname. I feel like my government name as a superhero would be Amelia Bass and my alias would be Princess Zathena. Okay, now let me tell you this character’s backstory. Amelia’s birth name was known as Zathena, and she was also referred to as Zathena in the underworld.

 Amelia was born on October 31st, at 3 a.m. under a full moon. She was born in a private hospital in New York City, where her mother Lilith gave birth to her during a private ritual. Lilith and her husband Richard were both upcoming A-lister actors. They were a part of a secret society to further enhance their wealth and success. The society serves the underworld in exchange for power over people and an endless amount of wealth. Similar to the illuminati in all actuality.

Part of one of their rituals was for Lilith to engage in sexual activities with a demon in order to bear a child. The child was then to be raised as the next CEO of an infamous film industry, where her role would be to groom people into the new world order for preparation of armageddon. Lilith was impregnated by the demon king Diamoi, and gave birth to a baby girl which she had named Zathena. Lilith died during childbirth and was left to be raised by Richard. However, Richard had decided to leave the baby with the society because he didn’t want to handle the pressure of raising a demon child. Zathena was then adopted by business entrepreneur Mark Bass and fashion designer Serena Bass.

Mark and Serena decided to keep Zathena’s past a secret from her, and they had even legally changed her name to Amelia Bass. Mark and Serena shared three other children between each other named Joseph, Kendall and Miranda. Joseph was the oldest, Kendall was a year older than Amelia, while Miranda was the youngest. The three siblings all knew about Amelia’s past except for her. In fact, they learned about her past when Kendall and Amelia had gotten into an argument. This led Amelia to subconsciously use telekinesis, which caused books to fly off of a shelf. Miranda and Kendal began to become suspicious and scared of Amelia, while Joseph tried to understand her. 

As a young teenager, Amelia was eventually known to be the black sheep of the family. She would often cause mischief and would rebel against her family. Amelia would steal from stores, get into physical altercations over small inconvenience's, was incredibly argumentative, and had a bad temper.

Despite that, Mark and Serena treated Amelia more delicately than the other children. Amelia was also an incredibly smart and creative child. She was usually receiving outstanding grades by her teachers, and was known for painting beautiful portraits of people. Amelia was also a gifted singer, and she was good at sports such as track and soccer. Because of this, Kendal became envious of Amelia and was often unkind to her. However, as she got older, Amelia was less interested in her studies and more interested in skipping school, doing drugs and partying.

By the time Amelia was 16 years old, she began to realize her supernatural abilities the more her and Kendal would argue. Light bulbs would blow up, furniture would shake, and things would fall off of shelves. For years, Amelia at first believed that her house was haunted because that is exactly what her siblings would tell her when those incidents first started to happen. Mark and Serena would play along with the idea by gaslighting Amelia. They would consistently inform Amelia that they don’t believe in ghosts, in order to manipulate Amelia into believing that ghosts are the reason for the incidents.

One day, Amelia and Kendal had gotten into a huge fight because Amelia kept on skipping school to see a boy named Tyrone. Kendal didn’t like Tyrone because he grew up in a poor area in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Kendal would often judge those who were less fortunate than her, and she wouldn’t want to associate with people living in poverty. During their fight, Amelia began to levitate as she pinned Kendal to the wall and pointed knives at her. Mark and Serena were able to stop Amelia by reciting a spell that paralyzes Amelia for a moment. From there, Amelia began to learn a little bit about her past history from her adopted parents.

I don’t mean to change the subject, but let me start to elaborate on Amelia’s appearance. Amelia is about 5’5 with a slim athletic body. She is a brown skin girl with long black straight hair. Because her parents and siblings are of white descent, Amelia was aware she was adopted. However, she didn’t know about her past life throughout her childhood.

Amelia has the ability of telekinesis, which eventually evolves into mind reading, future predictions, teleportation, shape shifting, and the ability to see and speak to supernatural entities. Amelia had inherent demonic powers from her biological father, the demon king Diamoi. As she becomes more aware of her powers, her powers begin to grow and evolve.

As mentioned before, Amelia is an incredibly smart and gifted child. She never had a difficult time completing assignments or receiving good grades on tests. She was also known for her creative talents such as painting, poetry, singing, and the ability to play the drums.

Despite all of those characteristics, Amelia is quite a troublemaker. She became this way once she began to explore Brooklyn, and was able to make friends who live in more difficult situations than her. Well, at least from a financial standpoint. With that being said, she can be quite argumentative when something doesn’t go her way. She is also known for picking fights with people in order to get what she wants, or when defending her friends. She also has a rebellious streak to her, and is usually going against her parents will.

Okay, back to where we left off. Once Amelia was fully aware of her super abilities and learned a bit more about her past, she began to become full of rage. She resented her adoptive parents for continually denying her accusations about the house being haunted and keeping the truth from her. She then left her family for a couple of days to hang out with the same troublesome boy named Tyrone, who Kendall was suspicious of. While spending three days with him, she began to party like she never did before and had gotten into a lot of trouble. She always used mind altering drugs, which caused her to accidentally reveal her power to Tyrone.

When returning home, she found her family massacred by a mysterious unidentified man. She was then framed for the murder of her family, and was arrested with pending charges. Tyrone was also arrested because it was believed that he was a part of the murders. While in holding, a group of powerful people came in and advised her to serve for the secret society, or she will be found guilty and secretly executed. Amelia was tired of her life being controlled and written by other people’s expectations. She was able to escape the group of men and the police by using her telekanis. She also took Tyrone with her, since he was the only one who was trying to stand up for her.

Because of her disruptive past, Amelia would be considered as an anti-hero because she doesn't believe that she would ever be considered as a genuinely good person. In fact, Amelia didn’t believe that there were any good people in the world. She felt that everyone had a hidden agenda for their own selfish reasons. Amelia doesn’t necessarily advocate for the justice of others either. Instead, she wants vengeance from what the secret society as well as what Richard had put her through. Therefore, her goal was to take down the society by joining, learning about their secrets, exposing the secrets to the real world, and killing anyone who was involved in her creation. She wanted everyone to see the world for what it really is. She also wanted to expose the people in power for who they truly are.

Thanks to her growing ability, Amelia was able to change her entire appearance and manipulate her way into the secret society. She is also aided by the only other person who knows about her powers, which is the troublesome boy Tyrone. In fact, Tyrone and her began to develop romantic feelings for one another. They were each other’s first and only love. In a way, I guess you could say that Tyrone was her true ‘ride or die.’

Before I get into whether or not she accomplishes her goal, I want to point out who would be most likely intrigued by Amelia based on her morals. Honestly, I would have to say Deadpool would probably be able to somewhat relate to her, and understand why she chooses to not use her powers for good. Although their backgrounds are different from each other, Deadpool would be the one to most likely encourage her to seek revenge on the secret society. He would probably be one of the only heroes to actually consider helping her accomplish her goal.

I also feel like the Joker would try to persuade her into joining him in destroying Gotham. Although Joker is not a fan of people of wealth, they both share similar views to greedy wealthy people.

Now, do you think Amelia would be successful at achieving her goal? Well, the answer is yes and no. Amelia was able to accomplish her goal once she finds Richard and learns the reason for creating her. He informed her that he never truly cared about her well-being, and he admitted to giving her up for an easier life. He also revealed that if he had that chance, Richard would’ve sacrificed her to further gain power and success from the underworld. Amelia was outraged by Richard’s response; thus, she killed him in a bitter rage. Amelia was also able to rank up to a high degree in the secret society by using her powers to control the minds of others, and participate in dark and sinister rituals.

Once she was able to gain control of the secret society, Amelia released the secrets of the society and revealed her true identity. However, by that time, Amelia was so full of rage that her powers became too overwhelming for her to keep under control. In fact, her rage nearly caused the destruction of the entire world. Furthermore, Amelia nearly brought hell on Earth, since she was also considered as the princess of the underworld.

It wasn’t until her aid and lover Tyrone killed her in order to save the world. Although, she didn’t hate him for it. Actually, she thanked him for putting him for putting her out of her misery.

Amelia didn’t leave too much of a legacy, but more of a type of philosophy for citizens to think about. Amelia believed that this world and everyone in it was truly evil. She also felt that most people pose as good individuals by secretly doing bad things in order to get what they want. As mentioned before, Amelia did not go through with the plan for the sake of others, but more for her own revenge. She makes that quite apparent during her public press release. Amelia was able to reform society with that kind of thought process; however, it did create more chaos because of its controversy. Not to mention, she left the city in shambles, like any other classic Marvel character.

Hello, everyone! Lately, I have been watching a lot of movies portraying psychological violence. For the past few weeks, I’ve watched several different movies regarding such genres. Personally, out of all of them, there was one that really stood out to me. This movie is known as Irréversible (2002), which was directed by Gaspar Noé.

Before I go on, let me just warn those who haven't or wish to see the movie. I will be analyzing this film in grave detail. Proceed reading this blog in caution.

Firstly, let me explain the premise of the movie, as well as the director's intent on the film. Irréversible follows a man named Marcus and his friend Pierre seeking revenge, after Alex was raped and beaten into a coma. Vincent Cassel plays Marcus who is the boyfriend of Alex, who is played by Monica Bellucci. Le Tenia is Alex’s rapist and is played by Jo Prestia. Albert Dupontel plays Pierre, who is not only Marcus’s friend, but also Alex’s ex boyfriend.

A unique aspect about this movie is that it is told in a reversed chronicle order. Therefore, all of the events leading up to Marcus and Pierre killing Le Tenia are told backwards. The movie initially starts off with Pierre brutally killing Le Tenia, and it ends with Marcus and Alex getting ready for the party. When pitching the story of Irréversible, Noé intended for the story to be told in reverse. This idea came from capitalizing off of Christorpher Nolan’s film Memento due to its popularity.

Irréversible sparked huge controversy because of it’s violent nature. A lot of movie critics felt that this movie was incredibly grotesque and extremely homophobic. The majority of the film contained scenes that emotionally and physically emphasized the effects of being a victim of rape. For instance, during the 10 minute long rape sequence, the entire scene displayed an violently detailed sexual assaults' within one single shot (42m:56s - 54m:01s).

During which, Le Tenia violently rapes Alex and beats her into a coma. This entire sequence shows exactly everything happening from start to finish. Personally, as a woman, it did make me feel quite uncomfortable watching Alex go through such trauma. This scene captures the brutal reality of being a rape victim, and the camera captures every moment of Alex’s distress. Therefore, watching her go through this did make me feel quite squeamish. It felt as if I could feel Alex’s pain within that very moment. Especially, considering that events such as this actually happen to women in real life.

A scene that I found to be quite captivating yet visually appealing was the fire extinguisher scene (22m:17s - 24m:04s). During this scene, Marcus finds Le Tenia and begins to fight him. However, Le Tenia gets the upper hand and attempts to rape Marcus. Suddenly, Pierre beats Le Tenia with a fire extinguisher to death by crushing his skull with it multiple times.

Most critics find this scene to be incredibly overrated because of how gruesome the scene is. As well as that, many feel like this scene creates a negative impression on the LGBTQ community. This is because this scene takes place in a homosexual bar, and most of the patrons appeared to be incredibly pervasive and overly sexualized. The setting also has an ominous undertone because of the color, lighting, and types of individuals present. Also, Marcus and Pierre would often refer to the patrons as ‘faggots’ which is an offensive term to the LGBTQ community. Furthermore, because this scene is within the first act of the film, it may implicate that Le Tenia was a victim of a hate crime. Until, it is learned that Le Tenia is exactly a sex addict and a violent rapist. This type of narrative may have made some audiences feel like it was painting a bad picture on homosexual males.

On the other hand, I don’t feel that wasn’t the intention when developing Le Tenia’s character arc. When first watching it, my initial thought was who was Le Tenia, and why were those men looking for him. Then, I began to observe Marcus’s behavior and studied his movements and language. I could tell that he was incredibly emotionally disturber and was probably not sober. Marcus also had an irrational thought process and was quick when making rash decisions. However, once Le Tenia is found, I began to realize that he must have done something for Marcus to be incredibly provoked. After watching it, it made me want to learn more about why this happened in order to understand the men’s actions. Despite it being incredibly violent, I do feel that this sequence does capture the attention of an audience because of how aggressively obscure it is.

Another sequence that stood out to me was the party scene (54m:03s - 1h:06m:27s). Although this scene is not very notable nor is it violent, it does highlight the three characters Marcus, Pierre and Alex. During this scene, we get to know more about the characters personalities, before they went through such traumatic yet disturbing events.

Honestly, considering how appalled Marcus was about Alex’s attack, it was a shame to see him flirting with other women behind Alex’s back. With that in mind, I do want to acknowledge the fact that he was in fact drinking that night. Which could imply to why he was acting disorderly throughout the film. This could also explain his flirtatious behavior towards the other women. As far as Pierre, his role in the movie was quite undetermined for a while. Throughout most of the movie, he was more level headed and in control of the situation. He didn’t seem as distraught as Murcus; however, this particular scene does further emphasize the reason for him killing Le Tenia. Once we learn that Pierre was Alex’s ex boyfriend, he begins to show how much he really cares about her and loves her as the story continues. Pierre is devastated that Alex is with Marcus; especially, because he knows that Marcus isn’t good for her. Once I realized more of his feelings towards Alex, it reveals the deeper emotional trigger beneath Marcus killing Le Tenia.

What’s good y'all? Yaya is back, and at this point, y’all should know not to expect me to post often. And if you don’t see the active pattern at this point, then that sounds like a personal problem. Anyways, like usually I’ve spent these last couple of weeks watching a ton of movies, like the fake-ass movie critic I am. This time, I’ve decided to watch movies that have more of a LGBTQI narrative. These movies are Mysterious Skin (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Moonlight (2016), Call Me By Your Name (2017), and of course Brokeback Mountain (2005). After watching these movies, I started to think of the visual style within these movies, and how they relate to one another.

BUT, before I go on, let me warn y’all again… EXTREME SPOIL ALERT!!! Like deadass! I’m finna go in with these movies, so proceed with caution.

Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “queer eye,” which typically refers to a specific aesthetic that has a particular style. Usually, people use this term to describe the style within fashion, house decoratives, or anything that has something to do with art. Some people visualize that style to be incredibly creative or sheik, and others have more of an insultingly stereotypical view of it. As for the movies I’ve watch, I can’t say that the style of those films have a “queer” aesthetic within the editing style. Instead, I feel that the editing within these movies portray more of a variety of perspectives on the lives of the LGBTI community.

First of all, can we all agree that the styles within each of these movies are completely different from one another? For example, the mise-en-scene, language, and character style for Moonlight compared to Brokeback Mountain are total opposites.

The setting for Moonlight takes place around a city-type setting, and their choice of fashion and language is more urban. For example, the movie LITERALLY starts off with showing such characteristics within those factors. The second Juan enters the scene, we can already get a feel of that type of atmosphere just from watching the two minute sequence alone (0m:35s - 2m:30s).

In Brokeback Mountain, the setting had more of a western theme, and the setting usually took place around an isolated wilderness. As Ennis and Jack begin their first shift, we can admittedly notice the country-like atmosphere that focuses around the mise-en-scene, language and character style aspects of the film. (8m:26s - 10m:30s).

With that being said, the cinematographic styles for these films do share some similarities, but not in a “queer” aesthetic style. What I mean when I say they share similarities, is how the cinematography heightens the romantic tension between characters. In most of the movies listed, the close-up shot angels captured the intimate moments between the couples in each movie.

For instance, during the sex scene in Boys Don’t Cry, a series of close-up shots captures the lustful moments between both Brandon and Lana (54m:46s - 56m:22s).

This type of cinematographic style can be seen again in Call Me By Your Name. During the sex scene between Elio and Oliver, medium and close-up shots captures the intensely intimate moments of their foreplay (1h:23m:56s - 1h:25m:46s).

 But, doesn’t every film involving romance or sex edit their shots in that specific fashion? Exactly! So, I feel it those factors have little to do with a ‘queer’ aesthetic. Anyways, like I mentioned earlier, the style of the characters and film captures more of the perspective of the LGBTQI community. Their style in fashion and vocabulary is influenced by the setting and atmosphere surrounding the characters.

Now as I mentioned earlier, yes again, the characters personalities and styles resemble their surroundings. Nonetheless, there are certain factors within the characters that I can say can be read through their visual styles in the movies. I mean, when you think about it, certain factors such as race, gender and sexual identity sort of go hand-in-hand when creating a particular visual style.

For instance, in Moonlight, the setting wrapped around an urban area. The social expectation for Chiron was to act similar to the other characters within his neighborhood. Chiron grew up in poverty, and lived in an area affiliated with gangs and drug abuse. Because he was bullied for not fitting in with the other characters, it proned him to grow up into becoming a drug lord in order to be accepted by society. We can instantly notice his dramatic personality transition when he reunites with Kevin as an adult (1h:22m:12s - 1h:36m:02s). Furthermore, he also does this in order to prove his masculinity to the people around him.

As a black woman, I can definitely vouch and say that there is a particular acceptance level within the black community. For some dumb ass reason, in order to be considered ‘black enough,’ you would have to act and look a certain way. Such as, being ghetto, speaking ignorantly, dressing ‘hood,’ and having a ‘hood-like’ mindset. Because I don’t necessarily fit into that category, most black people would say that I’m ‘acting white,’ solely based on my appearance and intelligence level. To be honest, that’s one of the most ignorant and pressuring things to have to deal with as a black woman. Thus, is why he would often get in trouble and engage in illegal activity.

 Also, the visual style in gender roles greatly has a connection between one another. For instance, Brandon in Boys Don’t Cry, made it apparent that he sexually identified as a male. In the beginning of that film, Brandon was adjusting his appearance, in order to emphasize his masculine features (1m:42s - 2m:27s). The way he dressed and carried himself made it completely obvious. Furthermore, throughout the movie, Brandon would engage in extremely risky stunts and activities, in order to prove his masculinity. Even when Brandon wasn’t 100% comfortable with the activities, he still proceeded in order to fit in with the masculine crowd. Overall, these factors do go hand-in-hand with one another to create a visual style within the movies.

Now, with all of that in mind, I started to think about how queer films shape and influences the perceptions and emotions of the audience by the power of the queer aesthetic. I’m telling you, the power behind these movies will definitely have you feeling some type of way. And, that feeling usually comes from a sentimental place. To be honest, I can name you at least one scene from two different movies that will definitely have you feel some type of way, just from the queer aesthetic alone.

Note, that the way the queer aesthic is used is to capture more of the intense moments of the films and characters, not necessarily the appearance or look of it. Also remember, when it comes to this aesthetic, I’m focusing on the emotional aspects not the editing styles. So, don’t try to tell me I’m contradicting myself with those two different factors.

Anyways, firstly, the character arcs in both Neil and Brain from Mysterious Skin will have you sympathize with them as the story unfolds. Once you see how much the molestation from their former little league coach has shaped them, you tend to feel bad about how much that had affected their entire lifestyles. Brain suppresses his memory of being molested, and thinks that he was actually a part of an alien abduction instead. Neil begins to prostitute his body because he didn’t view sex very highly or of utter importance. Once Neil and Brian finally meet, Neil explains to Brain what actually happened that night he thought he was abducted (1h:28m:44s - 1h:41m:43s). That intense conversation had definitely made me feel incredibly sympathetic towards Brain. Some may even question Neil’s true intentions towards that situation. But honestly, I feel just as sympathetic towards him as I feel towards Brian. I mean think about it. Neil didn’t know what the fuck he was getting himself into as a child. He was tricked and deceived by his former little league coach. Honestly, I feel like his misinterpretation towards sex was just his own way to suppress his feelings towards those past incidents.

You also can get an emotional connection with Brandon from Boys Don’t Cry too. I mean how can you not feel some type of way after watching him get sexually harassed and raped by John and Tom (1h:25m:33s - 1h:31m:33s). And, don’t get me started on when they killed him (1h:47m:51s - 1h:50m:33s). Not only did I feel extremely appalled towards the situation, I also felt anger and hatred towards John and Tom, after seeing what they had done to Brandon. And, once you learn that the movie was based on a true story, well that’s just more fuel to the fire right there.

Now it’s time for me to explain the ending of Black Swan. Hey guys, what’s good? I know it’s been a minute since I’ve been on here. I’m sorry for that, but at the same time, I’m not sorry. Don’t worry, it’s all tough love, well sort of. To be honest, I’ve been caught up watching a lot of movies lately. Yes, I know again. Yes, I know I’m a loser .. but who cares! Ya’ll are still here, and still reading my antics.

But anyways, for the last two weeks or so, I’ve been watching five different movies that pertain to mental health. I would name all of them like last time, but I don’t feel like doing all of that. Instead, I’ll just mention the two films that stood out to me. Especially their endings! These two movies are Black Swan (2010) and Donnie Darko (2001).

Before I go on, let me just warn ya’ll ‘bout something that I forgot to mention last time .. SPOILER ALERT!!

Anyways, now that that’s out of the way, let me explain to ya’ll the ending to those two films. I’ll start with Donnie Darko, since .. you know, that one came out first.

Donnie had to prevent the destruction of the primary world, by following the Manipulated Dead’s (the scary ass bunny who pops up randomly) instructions through the use of violence, death, and catastrophe.

After burning down Cunningham’s home, it was revealed that Cunningham lived a double life regarding pedophilia and child pornography. However, due to this, the lives of Donnie’s family were at stake because of the plane engine from the tangent universe. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but think of the concept “every action has a reaction.” Donnie’s use of violence in the primary universe caused a reaction in the tangent universe.

The same plane engine that suddenly destroyed Donnie’s room, was the same engine that was teleported into the past. Also, that same engine comes from the same plane from Donnie’s family’s flight back home. While Donnie’s family's lives were hanging by a thread, his girlfriend Gretchen gets into a fight that he leads her into. As a result, Gretchen was accidentally killed by his sister's boyfriend Frank.

From that moment, it is revealed that Frank is the Manipulated Dead who has been instructing Donnie to fix the corruption of time and space the entire time. Instantly, Donnie knew that in order to save the universe and the lives of his loved ones, he needed to go back in time and sacrifice himself. Donnie successfully makes it back to the same exact time that plane engine crashed into his room. The movie then concludes following the death of Donnie Darko.

Now it’s time for me to explain the ending of Black Swan.

The morning after Nina’s drunken night out with her frienemy Lily, she rushes to the theatre where the opening production on the ballet Swan Queen is underway.

During this, Nina experiences extreme hallucinations, which is caused by her fear of losing the leading role as the swan queen. Her hallucinations worsened once she began to perform in the ballet, causing it to negatively affect her performance.

As Nina gets ready for the final act, she is faced by an illusion of Lily. Nina then stabs Lily to death with a mirror shard during a quick scuffle between the two.

 However, Nina eventually realized that Lily was never actually dead or even stabbed once. Nina goes back into her dressing room to find that she had indeed stabbed herself and is slowly bleeding out. At the end of her performance, Nina dies on stage while the curtain closes.

Both of the endings to these two films share a significant connection in terms of their ambiguity. For instance, both of the main characters go through a realization of their realities moments before their deaths.

As mentioned earlier, Donnie knew what he had to do in order to prevent the deaths of his loved ones. Nine figured out that she’s been actually having an internal battle with herself the entire time. One both characters recognize their realities, both of them appeared to be content with their fatal destinies.

I’m sure people had probably questioned why they were both fine with dying. Well, here’s my opinion on the matter. The circumstances that were leading up to their deaths emphasize on the central focus point of the ambiguity in each of the movie’s endings.

In Black Swan, we assumed that Nina had killed Lily. However, once we learn the truth, it is then revealed that the entire time Nine has been in a constant battle with her mental health. Her fear of losing her role in the ballet progresses throughout the movie, which triggers her to experience her first episodes of psychosis. In a creative way, Nina’s episodes were portrayed as vivid illusions showing the transformation of her physical appearance. Her visions of herself would alter the more she would compare herself to Lily, or whenever she felt that she wasn’t good enough for her role.

Nina believed that Lily was her initial competitor, when in reality it was actually herself she had been competing with. Thus, Nina continued to harm herself physically and psychologically because of her rising insecurities. Unfortunately, the ending reveals the alternate outcome of her sudden attack on herself and what led up to that moment. In the end, Nina was able to be free from her insecurities by destroying what was further from her the most, which was herself. As well as that, she was able to fully embrace her role as the swan queen, and finished the ballet in what she envisioned to be the perfect performance.

In Donnie Darko, the movie’s ambiguity is revealed once we learn that Frank was the actual Manipulated Dead the entire time. Donnie’s true destiny is then revealed as well as Frank’s initial role. Other than trying to prove that time travel exists, Donnie knew what he had to do to prevent the corruption of the primary universe.

Ultimately, Donnie’s death prevented Gretchen’s because if they had never met, Donnie wouldn’t have led her to her death. Also, the engine that killed Donnie would’ve been the same engine that was to have caused the deaths of his family. For those reasons, Donnie was also content with his fate as long as the people he cared about were safe.

Altogether, both of the endings to these movies creates a sense of catharsis due to the fates of their protagonists. The sudden epiphanies before the deaths artistically creates a tragic display of acceptance in one's fatality. Their sacrifices set their pain and struggles free. Most will find those fates to be tragic or sentimental, but the characters found their deaths to be ironically meaningful.

Hey guys, how have you all been? As for me, for the past few weeks, I’ve been watching a lot of films pertaining to youth culture. I’ve seen all of the episodes of HBO Max’s “Euphoria” (2019), along with the movies “The Breakfast Club” (1985), “Mean Girls” (2004), “Mid-90’s” (2018), and “KIDS” (1995). Although all of these films take place at different times periods, their portrayal of youth culture is not too different from my reality. 

 I can definitely say that there were some characters who go through certain life experiences that I can relate too. Especially Kat Hernandez from the tv series Euphoria. Kat is a chubby girl who struggles with receiving and accepting love from other boys. She is also insecure about her weight, and confused about her identity. I personally know how it feels to grow up like Kat.

First of all, I too had that one summer as a middle schooler where I came back twenty pounds heavier. Most of the boys in my former middle school found me repulsive because of my size.

Also, like most girls, I was curious about the concept of human intimacy. There were times when I would express my fantasies through creating explicit drawings and writing odd stories. However, my drawings never pertained to any acts of sexual activities. Instead, they were drawings of sensual looking sonic characters. 

Most of the time, I would draw a specific character that I named Miu. Miu was supposed to be a cross between a lion and a wolf because those were my two favorite animals. 

I choose to draw anamorphic characters because it was like I was creating a world where everyone was imperfect and perfect at the same time. Every time I would draw, it felt like I was escaping to a world where everyone was a mess. But, we were all beautiful creatures because of our differences inside and out. 

In a way, Miu was drawn to be who I envisioned to look like and to become. I was incredibly insecure about the way I looked. Unlike Kat, I stopped growing when I was only twelve years old. So, I will forever be four feet and eleven inches tall. And, being fat and short at the same time doesn’t mix so well. Because of this, consistently drawing Miu was comforting to me.

As far as my stories, they too were also a bit different from Kat’s writings . I would often write fanfiction novels that were based off of my own life. For example, I would write love stories about me and whoever I had a crush on. In those stories, we could be in the world of Pokemon, Inuyasha, or any other anime shows. Yeah, I know, I was a very weird yet creative pre-teen. However, I didn’t have the balls to post them like Kat did.

As far as my stories, they too were also a bit different from Kat’s writings . I would often write fanfiction novels that were based off of my own life. For example, I would write love stories about me and whoever I had a crush on. In those stories, we could be in the world of Pokemon, Inuyasha, or any other anime shows. Yeah, I know, I was a very weird yet creative pre-teen. However, I didn’t have the balls to post them like Kat did.

As I got older, I had similar experiences in promiscuity too Kat. Just like her, it felt empowering to have some type of sexual control over guys. In fact, the more I felt that way, the more my identity started to change. I went from looking like a geeky nerd, to looking like a 80’s high school dropout, and finally I look like some kind of urban looking goth chic. My identity change increased my confidence over the past years.

However, that type of lifestyle does have its drawbacks. Similar to Kat ,after some time it became harder for me to recognize boys who actually had genuine feelings for me. I would try to push away those who showed me a lot of affection because I often feel like it’s a set up. Because of this, it is difficult for me to accept that kind of attention from guys. Overall, I can relate to most of Kat’s youthful experiences.

In addition to Kat’s personal experience, I’ve noticed a few common themes that these films share. These themes include teenage rebellion, drug abuse and dealing with relationship issues. Although these themes were portrayed in a fictional setting, they do resemble traits of contemporary youth culture. I can even relate to these themes from my own personal adolescent experiences.

I’m pretty sure most teenagers go through the challenges or phases at one point or another. Just like in the films, there was at least one character that had gone through these issues. For instance, Bender from The Breakfast Club had a reputation of being a bully and causing trouble. His behavior resulted from his unstable home life. Rue Bennette from Euphoria started abusing drugs once her family was breaking up. Stevie from Mid-90’s started hanging around a rowdy crowd because had no one else to look up to. Maddy from Euphoria continued to stay in a toxic relationship even though she was aware of it’s conditions. In a way, my adolescent life was similar to theirs.

 I can say that I definitely went through a rebellious phase by the time I was in high school. However, there were certain situations that lead up to that point that were similar to Rue Bennette from Euphoria and Stevie from Mid-90’s. When I was about ten years old, my parents had gotten into a nasty divorce. Not too long after, my step dad Fritz came into my life. His presence had felt threatening at first because I feared that he was going to replace my dad. Around the same time, I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. At the time, my mom treated me like another mental patient. My dad wasn’t really around, and my step father didn’t understand my mental illness. My moods started to become so unpredictable that it was extremely hard to hold onto friendships.

 By the time I was fifthteen years old, I started to smoke weed, sneak out at night, sneak boys inside my room, get into physical altercations, steal from others, and unexplainably start irrational arguments. It seemed like the only thing I didn't do was let my grades drop. Somehow, I was able to maintain a high GPA while acting like a tyrant. 

By that time, I had an estranged relationship with my family. My mom and I would constantly fight almost every other day. Although my step dad tried his hardest to earn my trust, I continued to resent him as my father. My little sister was so hellbent into tarnishing my reputation, that she would vindictively tell my friends and her own that I was crazy and to stay away from me. She would also purposely pick fights with me in front of her friends, so I could respond irrationally in front of them. She would do this just to further prove her point about me.

I felt so alone when I was a teenager, so I decided to look for acceptance elsewhere. I started to sleep around with boys who I knew were emotionally unstable trouble-makers. I also started to hang around gang affiliated teenagers with no ambition to better themselves. It had felt like my family, friends, and even my own teachers had seen me as no different from them because of my mental illness. So, I thought that that was where I belonged. They lost hope for me, so I began to lose hope in myself. I didn’t care where my actions would lead me, I just wanted to be a part of something. Even if I had to hurt or deceive others just to feel like I mattered to someone.

That’s what I thought at first, until my rebellious behavior caught up with me. When I was seventeen, there was one guy who I had a friends-with-benefits type of relationship with. He pretended to be interested in me, so he could find out where I lived. He had teamed up with my so-called “friends,” and they all robbed my family while we were at my brother’s wedding. That was the same day that I found out my step father’s cancer had gotten worse, and he was going to die soon.

Fritz died the day before Thanksgiving that year. His passing inspired me to better myself. I stopped being around a bad crowd, and began to improve my behavior.

That’s when I met the love of my life Cristian in my late teenage years. We had gotten so close because we both lost a parent to cancer the same year. As well as that, we both suffered from bipolar disorder. It actually felt like someone understood me for once in my life. I was finally receiving the love I’ve been longing for. What made things better was that he actually loved me for who I am and not just for my body. He even accepted my past as well.

That’s when I met the love of my life Cristian in my late teenage years. We had gotten so close because we both lost a parent to cancer the same year. As well as that, we both suffered from bipolar disorder. It actually felt like someone understood me for once in my life. I was finally receiving the love I’ve been longing for. What made things better was that he actually loved me for who I am and not just for my body. He even accepted my past as well.

However, because neither of us were receiving professional help for our disorder, we would often engage in violent fights and arguments. Eventually, we were engaged to be married, but our relationship was falling apart at the same time. I started to smoke weed nonstop. It felt like for the entire two years I was constantly high. I can’t even remember a time when I was sober for an entire day back then. I even started to experiment with other harder drugs, such as ecstasy, cocaine, and LSD. I was in denial that my life was falling apart. I wanted to num the painful thoughts of losing my father, my family’s trust again, my relationship and my mind.

Eventually, I stepped out of the relationship which ultimately ended it. I began to rebel again which pushed people away from me even more. When I had gotten arrested and was facing pending charges, that’s when I vowed to myself to regain my life again no matter what challenges I faced. I started to seek professional help, and I even regained my family’s trust again. I was gaining back the friendships that I had lost, and I started smoking weed only once a day.

It had seemed like my life was getting back to normal, until I saw Cristian again. The last time I had seen him, we had gotten into a very bad fight which stopped us from communicating for at least a year. When I saw him, we cleared the air and squashed any kind of bad blood we had for each other. He wanted to get back together with me, but I declined his advances. He was still persistent in wanting to at least regain a friendship again. So, we decided to work on that. That night, something inside of me told me to hug him, but something was preventing me from doing so. I wish I had given him that hug because he died two weeks later from a drug overdose.

The night of his candle lighting ceremony, his best friend told me that he had seen him the same night he passed away. He told me that Cristian was talking about me that night. Apparently, Cristian was telling him that he was excited that him and I were friends again. He also told me that Cristian’s plan was to get back together with me. That was the last time someone had ever loved me.

So yeah, my adolescent life was an absolute mess. To be honest, this entire experience was incredibly traumatizing for me. But, after watching those films, it made me realize that somewhere in the world, I’m not the only one that goes through hard times. I truly believe that the themes from these films resonate with the ugly side of contemporary youth culture.

On another note, the soundtrack for Euphoria had greatly impacted the narrative of the story entirely. I mean, what doesn’t go well with music nowadays. Soundtracks have a way of further emphasizing the focal point of a story. Especially, when the lyrics and meaning to a song matches perfectly with the situation at hand, as well as the movements being seen in the film. A soundtrack with these qualities emotionally connects an audience to the characters in order to empathize with what they are going through.

If I could pick ten songs to put on a soundtrack based on my adolescent life experiences, they would all be songs that were made at different time periods, including the ones that weren’t out yet at the time.

The first song I would choose for my soundtrack would be “lovely” by Billie Ellish and Khalid. The song is about being in a dark place in life and wanting to get out of it. This song is a perfect example of how I felt when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. During that time, I was battling depression because of my parents divorce. Not only that, I was being severely bullied while I was in middle school for liking anime. Other students would harass me and leave death threats in my locker. They would do this because they also accused me of being a lesiban just for watching anime. My mental illness had gotten so bad that I was in and out of hospitals, homeschooled, and then eventually placed in special education classes just for having a mental illness. I was at the lowest point of my life and often had thoughts of suicde. I wanted so desperately to be happy again like how I was when I was kid. I wanted to live a life of no worries and  live shamelessly, but I didn’t know if I was ever going to overcome my depression.

The second song of my choice would be “Drop the World” by Lil Wayne and Eminem. The song is about letting out your frustration on society  by reatulationg on the world around you. Like I mentioned before, by the time I was in high school, I went through a rebellious phase. I made careless and risky decisions because of how isolated I had felt from society. I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about how I felt, so I would bottom up all of my emotions until I would lash out on people. After a while, my behavior became a part of me. I turned into a selfish narcissistic person who wouldn’t listen to reason. I was so full of anger because of how I was being treated, so I began to treat everyone around me horribly in retaliation.

The third song of my choice is “Under the Influence” by Chris Brown. This song is basically about the feeling of being high while undergoing sexual intercourse. It also explains how his sex appael had gotten his partner lustfully addicted to him. Obviously, I won't go into too much detail, but this song describes exactly how I felt during my promiscuous adventures. For the most part, I was extremely high during those circumstances. I did it in order to not feel so guilty about my activities while feeling extremely relaxed during the process. In a way, it was just another addiction. It was also just another outlet for me to num the pain. Even so, the guys would not get enough of me.  For some reason, they just keep coming back for more even years later. Somehow, I became extremely desirable amongst the boys in my class despite my weight.

Anyways, the fourth song would be “idontwannabeyouanymore” by Billie Ellish. In a nutshell, the song is about how girls negatively envision themselves based on discouraging criticisms of their appearance. After the robbery situation, I began to reevaluate my life and who I was becoming. It took me sometime to realize that I did not like who I was becoming. I had even heard numerous rumors about myself regarding my sexual prerogative. A lot of people started to call me a whore, and I started to become ashamed of myself. However, I didn’t want to change that specific aspect about myself. I didn’t understand why it was okay for boys to be sexually active but not for girls. I wanted to change my behavior, but I didn’t want to completely change who I am. I wanted to accept my interests while becoming a better person.

My fifth song of choice would be “Heaven” by Beyonce. The title itself is pretty self explanatory, but overall the song is about losing a loved one. My step father was one of the best guys I’ve ever met in my life. He stepped in to be a father figure when my biological father walked out of my life. He was a smart, kind hearted, and considerate man. When he passed away, I was in denial about his death for about three months. Once I came into terms with it, the only way I was able to handle it was by telling myself that he was no longer suffering or in pain. Additionally, this song was already prior to his passing. Therefore, I found a lot of comfort with this song while I was grieving his loss.

The sixth song for my soundtrack would be “Love Yourz” by J. Cole. For a long time, I used to compare my appearance and life with other students who I thought were better than me. During my first healing process, I was starting to become grateful for the challenges I was beginning to overcome. I also tried telling myself that things could be worse off, and I tried to love myself for who I am while I was trying to improve myself. This song relates to a lot of what I dealt with during my healing process.

The seventh song for my playlist would be “How to Love” by Lil Wayne. The lyrics in this song remind me a lot of a reflection of my earlier troubled teenage life. If you listen to the song, the rapper talks about how men play a role in the way women view themselves and behave. Looking back, I can say that the lack of affection from my biological father had definitely impacted my life negatively. It had shaped me into becoming the person who I was. I honestly didn’t realize how much that had affected me until I started going to therapy. That goes to show how much an absent father can affect a young woman's life.

The eighth song would be “Losin Control” by Russ. This song elaborates how a toxic relationship affects the way a woman handles a stable one. When I first got with Cristian, I didn’t know how to accept his love and affection. I would accuse him of similar accusations that the previous men in my life have committed. However, Crisitan remained as patient as he could with me. Even when we would argue, he also made sure that we never went to bed angry. At the end, Cristian really did love me for who I am. He also didn’t know how to handle it because of his past trauma.

The ninth song for my soundtrack would be “WE ARE CHAOS” by Marilyn Manson. The gist of this song is that people are naturally a mess, and there’s nothing we can do about it. When my relationship with failing and my life was spiraling out of control, I started to lose touch with reality. Because I was constantly high, I didn’t feel like I was living. I felt like I was existing. It was like I was no different than a piece of furniture. I was there but I am not here, if that makes sense to you.

The final song I would choose for my soundtrack would be “Keep Holding On” by the cast of Glee. There are a couple of reasons why I choose this song. The first reason is because of the meaning of the song. This song inspires me to continue to move forward through bad situations. It also reminds me that I’m never alone, and that I have people in my life that have my back no matter what. The second reason is because the show Glee is one of my favorite comfort shows. That show has helped me overcome a lot of obstacles in my life. This also includes the episode when the characters had performed while singing that specific song. That sentimental moment has helped me so much when I used to watch it in high school.

Hello, my name is Mariah, but everyone calls me Yaya.

I come from a small town in Upstate New York known as “Middletown.” To be honest, I hate it here because everyone from Middletown seems to have a stick up their ass. 

Middletown is similar to Twin Peaks. It’s a small rinky-dink town, and everyone here knows each other and their personal business. Nine times out of ten, if you meet someone from Middletown, they either have heard of you before or know somebody you know. Everyone is so miserable here, and nobody has any ambition to better themselves. 

For example, almost five years ago I was a student at Middletown High School. Middletown High School was one of the most dysfunctional schools I've ever attended.

When I was a freshman, on my third day of school, there were fifteen fights in one day. I remember when I would go to the bathrooms the other students would sell cocaine to each other there. It had felt like every other day there was a lockdown. There were so many drugs being brought into the school, so we usually had drug sweeps during those lockdowns. It felt like everyone there was ghetto one way or another. Even the gym teacher’s daughter had gotten caught having sex on school grounds with a senior when she was only a freshmen.

Most of the popular kids aspired to become gang members, drug dealers, murderers, or prostitutes. Five years later, their dreams had turned into a reality. Most of the kids I went to school with are either dead, in prison, or have at least three or more kids at the age of twenty-three. Others have settled to stay in this god forsaken town, and they’ll probably work retail for the rest of their lives.

As far as me, I have way bigger dreams than these people out here. That’s exactly why I sacrificed everything just to go back to college. I’m not going to lie, for a while after high school I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do in life. It took me three years after graduation to figure out who I am and who I want to be.

So here I am, a college sophomore at SUNY Orange. I currently major in new media, and I plan to transfer colleges this coming fall.

 My dream is to become a successful movie director and reality star. As long as I could remember, I’ve always had a passion for writing stories, drawing, filming, and taking photographs of different aspects of my life. I also love to do makeup and show off my talent on TikTok. Because of that, I’ve decided to work on my talents, so I could do what I love in life. I have other goals in the media industry as well. Such as, creating my own production company, being a radio personnel, having my own show, and becoming an entrepreneur.

 As you can see, my dreams are bigger than Middletown and New York State put together. It’s funny how the same people who call me a bum are the same people who hang out at Park Circle. That’s a place where all of the bums of Middletown hang out. All they do is stand around and do nothing all day.

Other than that, I have other hobbies aside from the media life. I love to travel to new places with friends. 

I’m usually seen doing a lot of stupid stuff with them around town.

 I especially love going to the club and getting drunk with them. Also, I smoke a lot of weed with them too. I’m definitely not afraid to admit that fact about me.

Another thing about me is that I love to watch horror films. The first movie I’ve ever seen was CandyMan when I was about two years old. The last movie I’ve watched was The Taking of Deborah Logan.

However, when it comes to TV shows, I usually prefer to watch anime, reality TV, or sitcoms. The last show I watched was Glee, and I absolutely love that show. It reminds me of a club I was in when I was a high schooler. Believe it or not, that club was one of the only good things about that high school experience.

 I also love to play video games. I used to be a huge gamer when I was a kid, but as I got older I started to play less games. Currently, the only games I play are Pokemon games. The last game I played was Pokemon Omega Ruby for the Nintendo 3Ds.

However, I don’t always stare at a screen. I love to read urban novels and manga. Although I haven’t read a novel in a while, the last book I read was my textbook on writing for the media.

 Lets not forget I’m in college, so don’t judge me for often reading textbooks. It’s not like I would care if you do anyways. I get talked about all the time. Especially when I express myself on social media, or when I create videos for my YouTube channel. Did I forget to mention that I’m a YouTuber? Although I haven’t posted in a while, I am currently working on a new project. But, I won’t be posting any of it until a further date. In my new segment I will be telling the story of my first love experience. It will be expressed in a way that is similar to how Shane Dawson used to reenact his stories.