WAITING FOR MY ROCKET TO COME

LAURA: MY DOG'S NAME IS LEO AND HE'S A CUTIE. WHAT KINDA DOG ARE YOU GETTING!?!?!?

LAURA: That was a totally appropriate response, I like knowing that I make people blush and fidgety.

LAURA: .... DUDE. You just got me hype for a minute.

LAURA: I've been bold since I was a kid, It's just got worse as I've gotten older.

FREDDIE: WOW LEO. TRULY THE KING OF THE WORLD. I LOVE HIM PLS TELL HIM I LOVE HIM?

FREDDIE: I DON'T KNOW YET I KEEP LOOKING AT DOGS AND MEETING DOGS AND PLAYING WITH DOGS AND I NEED ONE THAT MY CAT WON'T HATE BUT I'M SO EXCITEDDDDD!!!!

FREDDIE: U DID JUST THAT. CONSIDER ME FIDGETY

FREDDIE: ...I'M SO RR Y

FREDDIE: I'LL KEEP U POSTED ON ALL THE UPDATES THO OK

FREDDIE: NOT 2 BE DRAMATIC

FREDDIE: BUT I THINK WE'RE SUPPOSED 2 BE PALS

FREDDIE: IT'S JUST #INTUITION, IF U WILL...

RACHEL: Your looking for is something rom-coms are made of, and I, for one, am highly amused.

RACHEL: Have you ever taken a relative stranger to your parents' home?

FREDDIE: WELL IT'S A GOOD THING I'M A BIIIIIG SUCKER FOR ROMCOMS TBH...

FREDDIE: AND they always have, like, SOLID ENDINGS so tbh WHO KNOWS. IF IT WORKS FOR KATHERINE HEIGL ALL THE TIME IT SHOULD WORK FOR ME TOO.

FREDDIE: i haven't. YET. but i think it's bc i keep forgetting i have that in my thing and thEN I NEVER ASK ANYONE ABOUT IT BC THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO BRING THAT UP WITHOUT IT JUST SOUNDING WEIRD, U KNOW?

FREDDIE: MY FRIENDS TOLD ME TO LEAVE THE TABLE THAN THEM BECAUSE I DRIZZLED MY KETCHUP ON TOP OF MY FRIES INSTEAD OF DIPPING IT AND DOES THAT NOT SOUND LIKE THE MOST OVERDRAMATIC THING U'VE EVER HAD 2 READ

FREDDIE: THE AUDACITY, GABRIELLA.

FREDDIE: GABBY. DOES GABBY WORK?

LAURA: I love dogs, honestly. Cats are cute, but dogs all the way. I own one, so.

LAURA: I WAS GOING TO ASK..... If you would hold an iphone 8 for me if I gave you a bj. I don't know why but that weirdly popped into my head. YOU CAN TOTALLY IGNORE THAT. I don't know why that popped into my head.

LAURA: Just call me Padme ✌️

FREDDIE: YOU HAVE A DOG?!?! I HAVE A DOG. well not yet. BUT I'M GETTING ONE. i'm just thinking ahead because i'm excited about it. WHAT'S YOUR DOG'S NAME I LOVE THEM ALREADY

FREDDIE: i'm BLUSHING NOW BTW THAT'S NOT THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE I SHOULD SAY A COOLER THING THAN THAT RN

FREDDIE: [...]

FREDDIE: an 8 or an x????????

FREDDIE: i'd probably go for an x

FREDDIE: BUT IT'S PROBABLY AGAINST POLICY

FREDDIE: HI.

FREDDIE: i literally fell into a youtube hole when i got off work this afternoon AND I HAVE NOT COME OUT OF IT YET

FREDDIE: AND I AM NOW ENGAGED IN SOME WEIRD DOCUMENTARY ABOUT ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARKS AND I SHOULDN'T BE WATCHING THIS ANYMORE BUT I'M TOO FAR INTO IT TO STOP NOW SEND HELP

FREDDIE: I'M FREDDIE AND I'M CONCERNED 4 MY OWN SAFETY

LAURA: I'm sure you'd be a cute dog, and not like a 'dog' dog.

LAURA: WORRK IS A GOOD WAY TO DIE. It's long and tedious.

LAURA: oh my god

LAURA: You work at apple?

LAURA: I was going to ask you something totally inappropriate. whoops.

LAURA: Be strong young padawan.

FREDDIE: I APPRECIATE THAT. do you like dogs or cats more?!

FREDDIE: WHAT WAS THE INAPPROPRIATE THING I CAN TOTALLY HANDLE IT I AM EQUAL PARTS HIP AND WITH IT AND CAPABLE OF SUCH THINGS.

STEVIE: I'll remember not to bring up Oreos in the future. Why would you want to attempt a whole package of them? You didn't seriously think you could pull that off.

STEVIE: My stomach hurts thinking about what that must have felt like.

STEVIE: I'm not judging but I'm curious at what age you're no longer a growing boy? 45?

STEVIE: I can't think of anything shameful worth sharing. Not to this calibre at least.

FREDDIE: I WAS THIRTEEN AND SURE I COULD DO ANYTHING. I THOUGHT WRONG. :(

FREDDIE: BUT I STILL THINK IF I HADN'T EATEN ANYTHING ELSE THAT WHOLE DAY I TOTALLY COULD HAVE PULLED IT OFF 😤

FREDDIE: but i survived. i'm a #SURVIVOR.

FREDDIE: uhm forever??????????? maybe.

FREDDIE: NOTHING? AT ALL?!

SAM: My lips are 🤐. Will not tell people it does work. Will warn them to not lay it in the sun though.

SAM: Oooooh, yeah no, totally get it now. It's that remark from Tony about Cap being frozen for years.

SAM: So I'm like super late with replying to this, no excuse for it other than, so sorry! But how was your LARP? And when is the next one?

FREDDIE: i knew i could count on you, keeper of secrets. i knew i could count on you. 👍

FREDDIE: EXACTOMUNDO.

FREDDIE: it was good!!!!!!!!!! totally missed u but it was good! i didn't die or anything and i always consider that a mega bonus, my guy!

Crystal: Awww, it's sweet that she worries about you. Is it at the stage where she tries to set you up with her friend's kids or someone she just happens to run into that would be a perfect match for you?

Crystal: Yea, fake relationships will end, unless you're in a romcom and you happen to fall in love with the person you are in a fake relationship with. But I can't see that happening in real life.

Crystal: My Saturday was great actually. Got to sleep in a bit and catch up on some editing. How was your weekend?

FREDDIE: oh goD i think it's pROBABLY A GOOD THING I GOT OUT OF VANCOUVER BEFORE WE GOT THERE bc i'm pretty sure that'd be the direction she'd be heading????? like now that you mention it bc she tells me A LOT about her friends' kids that are getting married and me going to the weddings AND THOSE REQUIRE DATES AND AAAHHHHHHH

FREDDIE: I LIKE TO BELIEVE ROMCOMS CAN HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE MY JENNIFER GARNER OR MARK RUFFALO COULD BE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND SO COULD YOURS, CRYSTAL. SO COULD YOURS

THOMAS: Perfect! Oh, and here's my mobile number. -inserts number- So we can chat off internet if I get lost and plan where we're meeting!

SPENCER: Are you now? Hmmmmm

SPENCER: YOU MEAN IT?

SPENCER: I'm not going to lie, I've been dying to see that. I love seeing people in movie theatres crap their pants.

SPENCER: I wasn't digging it but you had me sold at pancakes.

SPENCER: And you're super good looking. Nerd hot.

SPENCER: But hey, I'm glad you like what you see. Most do.

FREDDIE: I AM NOW. HMMM.

FREDDIE: I MEAN IT.

FREDDIE: listen. it was WILD. WILDDDDDD! IF U HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET AND NEED A MOVIE BUDDY, I'LL SEE IT AGAIN. JUSSAYIN!!

FREDDIE: pancakes are CRUCIAL, spencer 🥞

FREDDIE: LISTEN. you'RE hot. not nerd hot. just REGULAR hot... ? I don't think of identifiers. I just think of my scale, which is PRETTY MUCH JUST 😩 👌

LAURA: You get really excited? Are you a chihuahua?

LAURA: I'm late as fuck at replying to this because I've been working non-stop, but I hope you can look at that app now.

FREDDIE: I WISH. I'd literally LOVE TO BE A DOG.

FREDDIE: like... a CUTE COOL HAPPY DOG. not in the "UGH HE'S SUCH A DOG" sense, ja feel???????

FREDDIE: BUT THAT'S OKAY. WORK EATS MY SOUL ALL THE TIME ESPECIALLY NOW

FREDDIE: BC LIKE... IPHONE ANNOUNCEMENTS YESTERDAY

FREDDIE: WE HAVE A LINE OUTSIDE OUR STORE ALREADY EVEN THO WE TOLD THEM WE DON'T DO LINES LIKE THAT FOR NEW PHONES ANYMORE!!!! ppl jUST don't listen, laura.

STEVIE: What is the craziest challenge you've attempted? Completed? Failed?

STEVIE: Why did you bring that scene up again. I'm wincing at the thought of it.

STEVIE: Are these family size portions?

STEVIE: I don't have a specific order. I like to try something different wherever I go. It's the same for different places.

FREDDIE: UGGGGHHHH DON'T GET ME STARTED

FREDDIE: 2 LATE U GOT ME STARTED

FREDDIE: ANYWAY

FREDDIE: i once got dared to eat an entire sleeve of double stuf oreos.

FREDDIE: PACK*****

FREDDIE: NOT SLEEVE

FREDDIE: A PACK

FREDDIE: AND I MADE IT THRU 2 SLEEVES, STEVIE

FREDDIE: AND I HAD TO STOP

FREDDIE: AND I HAVE NEVER LIVED DOWN THIS SHAME

FREDDIE: AND I HAVE NEVER EATEN AN OREO SINCE.

FREDDIE: i mean, like, a REGULAR oreo. golden oreos are fair game. BUT STILL. IT IS MY GREATEST SHAME.

FREDDIE: OKOKOKOKOK I'M DONE DISCUSSING IT

FREDDIE: DO U HAVE A SHAME 2 SHARE?

FREDDIE: don't juDGE i'm a growing boy!!!!!!!!!

Crystal: I find this conversation refreshing. Can I ask why do you think you have to bring someone to impress them? And I can give you an answer after knowing you a bit more. I also think it's sweet that you want to do this for mom.

Crystal: Caps don't bother me at all. I find it a bit amusing actually.

Freddie: tbh i don't know??? like I pROBABLY DON'T. I REALLY DON'T THINK MY MOM CARES THAT MUCH. it's just that i've like... had #notgr8 luck with the dating game i guess? so it's like... DON'T WORRY MOM. SEE. THERE'S A PERSON.

Freddie: but if it's a fake relationship then that manea that it'll end too so i'm really not helping my case? unless i make this person pretend to fake date me FOREVER and that just sounds... Excessive.

VIVIAN: Really? That sounds so adorable! I did not think of the carrots but that is totally a great tradition.

VIVIAN: Me too! Look how this all works out. Well I can be all yours whenever you are free that day.

FREDDIE: wELL I TRIED making reindeer treats once and then the kitchen was a disaster and my mom was like FREDDIE A BLENDER IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LID ON IT and then i didn't do that anymore so i just stuck to carrots!

STEVIE: I'm curious how you are in person now. Do you still try to go up escalators in the same manner as when you were a kid?

STEVIE: What's your order? If it's overly complicated then I might be concerned. And flattered.

STEVIE: It was fine. Three day weekends are the best because you get two Sundays in a sense. It does make the four day week feel long for some unknown reason. Or it may just be me.

FREDDIE: um. YES? it's called, like... LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE, STEVIE. i've never seen a chALLENGE that i didn't say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED to

FREDDIE: except that paper cut thing. never saying CHALLENGE ACCEPTED to that bc [hailee steinfeld voice] I LOVE MYSELF

FREDDIE: VEGETABLE LO MEIN, WONTONS, EGG ROLLS, KUNG PAO CHICKEN.

FREDDIE: i'm... a Growing Boy.

FREDDIE: do you like chinese food? do you have an order that u stick to?