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n if i end up relapsing what then. i dont want to but i dont fuckin trust people n its making me so paranoid and idk how else to self-regulate bc this has been going on for a full day <3 just tell me straight up to stfu or die if u have a problem with me for gods sake it feels like we relive our exs bullshit all over again when smthn else happens like this

#i can vaguepost here idc lol #sashapostings

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🎉

#i wish i had booze to celebrate.. 95% of our friends r outta town too so no barhoppin tonight for it either :[#sashapostings

freakstreet

no funny jokes i can put here im just exhausted n stressed n considerin restartin that two year milestone timer blehhhh

freakstreet

nvm day went way okay-er than i thought it wld killing myself postponed

#not all great i gotta go out again tmrw n get prescriptions n call doc to fill another n reschedule bc they fucked it up buuuut #otherwise went well which i was not expectin so i had a pretty tolerable day given the tasks #now my body hurt though. so that blows #sashapostings

no funny jokes i can put here im just exhausted n stressed n considerin restartin that two year milestone timer blehhhh

#want ro rant cuz theres so muhc bad goin on in my head but i feel so exhausted n busted that i cant get the words out #its hard to think n my entire body feels like its screamin but i cant sleep. but i have so much to do #if tomorrow goes bad im blowin my shit smooth off ibuprofen style idc anymore #^ reminder 2 myself to remove that tag later if i dont ⚠️. if i do then it hopefully wont matter though so idc in that case #guy whos so worn out n disconnevted from his sense of swlf thathe cant comprejend his own feelings n emotions other than ‘bad’ LOL. off me!#sashapostings

i think im reachin some sorta break. not in the fun chill relax way but in the id go to the psych ward if we could afford it cuz im scared way

#wearin my I LOVE MY SCARY LEVEL OF COGNITIVE DECLINE N FEELING LIKE I CANT THINK AT ALL LET ALONE FUNCTION IN ANY FORM HAHA YAYYYY shirt #with my I WAS UNDERSOCIALIZED MY WHOLE LIFE N ITS LEFT ME UNABLE TO CONNECT W PEOPLE PROPERLY N SMOOTHLY hat #n also the shorts that say CHRONIC PASSIVE SUICIDALITY across the ass maybe #i wanna cry but i dont think weve been able to for months. its like i cant even though i feel like i should be all gross in hysterics #i wish i had someone whod hold me n talk sweet to me i dont care if they didnt care abt me or even if they hurt me id take the illusion atp #ughhhhhh. whatever if it gets too bad ill just see if i can abuse gettin crossfaded til we hallucinate n have surreal dreams again its ok x #(its not ok at all im so upset n scared n sick feeling 24/7 n i hate that i only escape that when ive had somethin)#i wisg i knew how to talk to people n make real friends. if i felt more socially normal i feel like id be better but im not and i dont #i miss sittin in discord calls listenin to friends playin stuff n watchin em livestream. buuuut i dont have that so. fuck me #ok im gonna stop bc im actually cryin now n its realpainful! mayb deleting later idk im just freakin out n so fuckin lonely n desperate lol #sashapostings

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if we werent ugly n crippled n also if i wasnt annoyin we could be unstoppable

#sasha body dydmorphia hours im a lil tipsy #i hate bein able to feel my face n my teeth n my body knowin its repulsive to somany people guhhhh #im tryin to enjoy fun times with friends n last swim of the season but nooooo. i have to hate myself n everythin bout me #we’re singin sea shanties n my brains still like Ur Chopped n Your Body Is Uselessn Nobody will Love You Ever n Youre Soooo Annoyin Be Quie #let me outttt bangin the bars of my enclosure (head) heeeelp help meeee #why cant i be normal mannnn #gettin too depressin i just widh somebody loved me n valued me deeply as an individual lol #sashapostings

i gotta beat my head in with a brick n also euthanize myself 10000+ times for forever

#no context for this one bc i have a sense of shame now. just knowin people n havin any sorta relationship w anyone n also existin a lil bit #this is so HUMILIATING!!!!!!!#i wish i knew how to act normal n understand how folks work but noooo i have to be confused n misinterpret everythin ever no matter what ❤️#this is literal torture i wanna never talk to anyone again. but yes i do but if i do then i dont and shouldnt but yeah. guhhhhhh #sashapostings

mollyjames

Wait hang on... was I traumatized as a teenager? *thinks about it for a bit* Well I can't remember anything traumatic so it's probably fine.

mollyjames

HEY

>ever looming homelessness stressor

>blood week

>tummyache SEPARATE from that

>extreme fatigue

>unemployed

>now pretty sure theres someone new(er that we havent noticed before?)

can i catch a fucking break

#???postings

all well n good with everyone i exist with for the most part til one of those assholes (unidentified) boots me for 2ish hours for unknown reasons pops one of our blue raspedibles n dips. idk how much they even ate but i think it was too much my entire body feels wrong i cant think n everythin has me scared <3 whatever much it was its got the tactile hallucination + paranoia + ocd? (probably) combo goin craaazy

#love love love when im tryin to have a nice peaceful day n now its like #yeah theres bedbugs even though youve been nowhere with even a trace of em anytime recently guy theyre all up on ya amongst other bugs #you just cant see em but Goddamn Yr gonna Feel! theres somethin in yr ear btw but if u go after it woops in it goes. dont do it! but feel i #oh every car door outside in yr suburban neighborhood on a sunday afternoon? its not shoppin/church/park/etc its somebody whos gonna getcha #n ALSO every single message u send? yeah reread that 10k times n edit it at least twice cuz hoooo buddy #you TOTALLY sexually harrassed yr friend doxxed them doxxed yrself threatened them violently and/or dropped at least 3 near-extinct slurs!!#ya man you cant see it but its absolutely there. you just gotta just read it over n over n over n over n ov #oh n also yr tone was slightly off there so yr gonna get blocked n have a massive call out post made abt u n lose everyone. YOUR FAULT!#n its just over like. the most mundane joking shit in a single sentence #this shit makes me wonder if theres more shit wrong w us than we know about bc what do you mean im contemplatin blockin half our contacts +#just bc im paranoid that im gonna get misinterpreted in like six messages to like three different people n its gonna ruin our whole life +#so we might as well just cut it all off n never talk to anyone ever again. this thought process happens when we arent high too just less #mannnnn they just gotta put me down atp if somebody prepped to ol yeller my ass id go YAHOO YIPEEE ILY!!!!!#also paranoid bout this post bc now brain says someones gonna find it n send it to all of our friends n report us to the cops etc etc #awesomeee <3 im not deletin it bc i have to spew all abt it somewhere n get it out as if im helpin myself n we have zero followrs here sooo #obligatory if u know us. not even no u dont just please have mercy on me i am so nervous n confused all of the time especially right now #i hope this raspedibble wears off soon. been shakin for the last half hourish (body thing or brain thing or both idk) n its startin to hurt #sashapostings

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infectiouspiss

#average middle of the week schedule

can we stop having viscerally realisstic nightmares. i’d like it if that stopped

#i’m tired of waking up and thinjing half of our dreams were real and feeling in danger. T_T #not too fond of waking up stiff and tachycardic from fear and haunted by images.#less image hauntings please i am so tired #can’t think i’m just stressed and exhausted and upset #renpostings

sick of how this body works what do you mean i need to go back to wafdle house and gwt the wafflw i foegot to ordwr because if i dont eat somwthin ill puke my guts up and pass out and not be able to move without pukin + passin out agian

#this is bullshitand a hate crimw. i gor my wafdlw but good lord i deel like ass #sashapostings

and if i just fuckin ended it what then lol

#wouldnt mess up nobodys lives itd make em better actually and itd just be over #wouldnt have to feel lonely wouldnt have to be scared itd just stop and id stop hatin wakin up #deletin this later when i remember but if i didnt say somethin i feel like id break and do somethin bad #nobodys gonna see this anyways so who gives a damn #sashapostings #tw sui #i guess. i dont know i dont want to think about it it doesnt even matter #i wish i was diffferent im tired of feelin like this i wish he was here

songfawn

Hm i wonder why i feel so disconnected? *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afa

#uscore

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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having a sign that says “add a little sunshine in someones day” at the dmv is a form of specialized autism-targeted psychological torture method i think

#is sunshine comin through your fuckin building six times today. is. is that it #is the disability placard system being down on the ONE day we’re here sunshine #is this kid beatinf the back of my chair and yelling sunshine #my head hurts :[#sashapostings

IM TIRED OF TWEAKING IM TIRED OF BEING AFRAID I WANNA BE DRUNK IN THE CLUB LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE GODDDDD PLEASE

#I CANNOT DO THIS!!!! GODDAMN!!!!!!#sashapostings

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