more hi dad soup please

(i'm going to adopt proper punctation, capitalization, and grammar for this; i'm getting serious)

Okay, so starting this by saying I was pleasantly surprised! I was really trying not to go in with any preconceived opinions (failed), but I was pretty impressed coming out of the theater. Not saying I thought Christopher Nolan or any of the actors would do a bad job, but sometimes movies like this tend to be a little sacrilegious to the source material. I have my qualms and complaints with it, which I'll cover soon, but I was also trying to go into it with a movie-making perspective, knowing that some things have to be condensed to fit ten years into three hours.

Getting some things out of the way before I start talking about plot points, this movie was visually stunning. The environments were immersive and felt fitting for the story. Everywhere felt huge, but they did a fantastic job making everything feel full (full of people, full of details, full of everything.) Yes, this movie is 3 hours long, but I also felt like it flew by. I never had a moment where I thought the story was dragging, and you really do get sucked into the narrative. That being said, some of the scenes go really quick. The Laestrygonians in particular felt weird to me–that scene goes by extremely fast, and they also never mention what or who the Laestrygonians are. If you don't know the story that well, it is completely possible that you will not know what is happening during that scene. This movie is also the loudest movie I have ever experienced. I didn't see it in IMAX, but I can imagine how overwhelming that would be. Part of that may have been my theater, but it was distractingly loud at times, and the bass in some parts felt like it wasn't mixed as well as it should have been. I was also very worried this would be a celebrity-fest, which it was, but it didn't bother me as much as I expected.

Now, the plot. I'm going to try (TRY) to go in order, but no promises.

First nit-pick which was literally fine and I'm just being a snob about it: Odysseus's scar should have been on his thigh, not his foot.

I know Calypso is introduced early, but I'm going to bypass her for a second and go straight to Polyphemus. He was cool as fuck. I loved his design, I loved how his face looked all twisted, I loved how he moved, and how they had him grabbing the men out of the darkness of the cave–and unfortunately that is where my praise for this scene ends. They completely removed the conversations Polyphemus has with Odysseus, as well as the entire bit about Odysseus calling himself "nobody." Not only is the bit humorous, but it is the main catalyst for Poseidon's anger towards Odysseus, and it allows the reader (or listener, i suppose, for an oral poem), to understand more of Odysseus's personality. After tricking Polyphemus and escaping under the sheep, the men are almost free. They are sailing away from the island, and Odysseus just has to boast that he was the one to blind Polyphemus. His trick works until he calls out his own name, which gives Polyphemus the information he needs to exact revenge. Yes, Poseidon would probably be able to figure out who blinded his son, but because Odysseus is cocky and can't let himself be "nobody", Polyphemus is able to ask Poseidon to punish Odysseus, which causes the entire rest of the story. Taking that scene away is a blatant disregard for the basic plot of the Odyssey.

Second nit-pick: I wish Polyphemus's sheep were bigger. I wanted the men to escape by holding onto them instead of tying hay to their backs. Also hay and wool do not feel the same.

No lotus-eaters, but Calypso uses the lotuses to keep Odysseus on Ogygia. Again, I will talk more about Calypso later. The removal of the lotus-eaters was disappointing, but from a filmmaking perspective, I think combining the concept with Calypso to include both without adding another stop and more people for Odysseus to meet was a smart choice. I was also disappointed with the omission of Aeolus and the bag of winds, but I'm not upset by it. I can understand why they didn't want Odysseus to almost make it to Ithaca, only to be blown back off course, when they could bring him directly to the Laestrygonians. The bag of winds would have added character development to the crew, though, since it would be more proof that they were untrustworthy and not meant to return home. As for the Laestrygonians, see above. Too quick and no explanation. I think they could have removed them altogether if they were already taking things out. There was barely any care given to them past their design, and I honestly think they still could have done better in that area.

I think the next few stops were pretty well done. Samantha Morton did a fantastic job as Circe imo, the transformation of the men into pigs was extremely gruesome, but pretty incredible to watch. They're only with Circe for a day or two instead of a year, but I didn't mind it. I do wish we got to see more of Circe's softer side though.

Nit-pick three: I think Hermes should have been a character. I assume Christopher Nolan didn't want to focus on the interactions of the gods, which is why many are only mentioned and their presences are alluded to with waves and thunder (etc.), but Hermes is vital to keeping Odysseus moving by helping him avoid Circe's magic and convincing Calypso to set Odysseus free. I kept finding instances where Odysseus does something completely on his own when he had help with it in the original, and I really wish some of that made it into the movie. Odysseus is the only person of his crew to return home, but that does not mean he got home entirely on his own. He is constantly getting help from his crew, from the gods, from the people he meets, etc., and I really wish Matt Damon's Odysseus wish just a bit more fallible.

Some quick stuff before I get back into my big points: loved the scene in Hades. Loved the sirens, really cool choice that we didn't get to hear them singing. Loved Scylla and Charybdis, kinda wish Charybdis was a bit more imposing. Fine with the cattle of Helios, I wish they were bigger than normal cow size.

Ogygia. Not a fan of the desert look. I've always imagined Ogygia as a beautiful paradise (I mean, Odysseus is there for seven whole years... enchanted and held prisoner or not, I feel like it should at least look like a place you want to stay...). Again, I understand giving Calypso the lotuses, it's an easy way to enchant Odysseus, but then we have a new problem. In the original, Odysseus becomes MISERABLE on Ogygia. Literally crying all day staring at the sea type miserable. If he was eating the lotus the entire time, he wouldn't remember Ithaca, Penelope, Telemachus, or anything other than Ogygia. And with no Hermes to convince Calypso to release him, there's really no reason why she would? Calypso isn't really that great of a person–I mean, she traps Odysseus for seven years just because she wants him there. If he can't remember his home, and there's no external force, there's no reason for her to do what she did. (I was also super confused how Odysseus had the little lottery stick at the end? Where the hell was he hiding that if Penelope's pin was the only thing in his hand when he washed ashore...)

No Phaeacians. I'll circle back to this.

I think now is as good a time as any to mention my biggest complaint about this movie. Christopher Nolan, why did you nuke practically EVERY FEMALE ROLE!?!?!?!? Yes, there are so so few, but I think that makes it extra important to pay attention to them and give them their most important personality-building scenes. Why doesn't Athena do ANYTHING????? She is a guiding light for not only Odysseus, but Telemachus as well. I would have liked if it was clear that Athena was disguised as Mentor, since she's literally supposed to guide and protect Telemachus on his journey to Pylos and Sparta. Zendaya just showed up and served face and did literally nothing to help the plot. She didn't even disguise Odysseus at the end. Literally anyone could have recognized him, and that specifically directly aided in nuking Eurycleia, and it would have ruined the reveal to Penelope, IF THEY HAD INCLUDED HER FINAL TEST FOR HIM (I love the bed scene, I'm really upset about it). Eurycleia is supposed to be like another mother to Odysseus, and she's seen twice? In order for her recognizing him to mean anything, you have to set the precedent that she would recognize him by his scar alone. She helps Odysseus and Telemachus trap the suitors, which is completely removed in the movie. Speaking of mother figures, Odysseus does not speak with his mother, Anticlea, in Hades. The original where she tells him about her dying of grief for him and about his family, then Odysseus trying to hug her over and over is a really touching scene. Circe too, for as fantastic as she is, we see very little of. She is much more one-note in the movie, but, again, we do only get to see her for a day or two, rather than a year. Removing the Phaeacians also removes Nausicaa, which is also really disappointing. She is a wonderful, headstrong character, and I always felt it was a fantastic juxtaposition to the rest of the story for big, strong, cunning Odysseus to be saved by this young girl. I also wish there was more than a throwaway line about how Penelope was unraveling the shroud. Penelope is one of the most interesting female characters in Greek mythology, and I strongly believe she is as clever as Odysseus. That's what makes their loyalty to each other so compelling, and why Odysseus is literally the only person for her. Anne Hathaway did an amazing job, but I feel like they could have pushed her wit and cunning even more.

Going back to Penelope's test, I am so upset they did not include the bed scene. I suppose they couldn't have if Athena didn't even disguise Odysseus, but it is such a special moment to finally get the reveal you've been waiting for as Odysseus explains that the bed can't be moved because it's carved from a tree that the castle is built around. It's fine without it, I'm just really attached to this scene, and angry it wasn't included. Odysseus and Penelope are so perfect for each other it's SICK.

And the exile...... who is exiling Odysseus... he's the king...