You will never believe how much worse my life has gotten. You would accuse me of not even trying. Does it come as a surprise that I’m just waiting to fight at this point? I mean I just wanna be in the right and pop somebody. I’m not a good person and now niggas is just homeless. I blame my family because I never felt comfortable and they kept pushing me out but what a mess I’ve made of my life. They are so happy without me and I don’t even want to be positive anymore. I’m hoping to die in my sleep atp. I don’t even got no one to talk to. My friends not even my friends anymore. My best friends are at pivotal points in their lives and one of them just don’t wanna see my crash out the other is just being difficult about every little thing and is probably just hurting. The only women I’ll ever love is so open and I’m such a failure. I know that I’ll never love anyone as much as I love her and I’m just gonna settle or be alone so I don’t mistreat anyone. My life is pointless and I’m deranged at this point. All my mother can say is go to the hospital or seek mental help. I got nothing and when I finish trade school I’m gonna stop talking to everyone but that woman and my best friends if they still even wanna be involved but anyone could help me and I’ve asked they just won’t or make excuses. I’m gonna remember this and last year for the rest of my life because this next year I’m gonna start making more money and I’m gonna have to not turn evil. But even right now I’m waiting on my peewee ass direct deposit which is late for whatever reason. I feel like I’ve earned the right to use any slur in private behind the wheel of this car, I have no peace or comfort. When I do have those things I won’t even get on twitter or instagram again. Fuck all the media at that point. I just want to get some money safe for a funeral and I’m back to finding ways to numb my reality. Nobody asked about me or worried and I guess that’s cause I’m just a man i guess but I could still do something so wrong because of the way I feel and I’m trying not to but I can feel myself coming closer to losing my freedom because don’t nobody give a fuck and this is my only platform I don’t know anyone on so the amount of respect you lose for me doesn’t even matter. I do want to end my life but I think I’ll just ruin someone else’s one day instead. This shit been hard from jump I used to pray to god we all would die in my house. I’m so close to just praying to the devil that’s how desperately I need some shit to work out for me
















