i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

Vogue Hommes International Mode #18 Fall/Winter 1993

they should invent a myself that isn't at its limit

i think waiting together is a love language. wait for the train with me, so we can talk a little longer. wait for dinner with me, we can slow dance in the kitchen. wait for me until i can talk after crying my eyes out, hold me, we will figure it out. wait for me when it gets rough, i know i can get through this (with you). wait for me in the car, this song is too good to not finish listening to it. wait for the first snow with me, cold red noses and bright eyes. lets wait for each other, i love you.

if someone told me to come and listen to the wind blow with them i would do it. if someone told me to come and sit on their bed while they get dressed i would do it. if someone called me late at night to come and walk with them i would not hesitate and i would do it... i would do it to be there

does anyone else think about the task of carrying yourself to your own suffering. walking to a test you know you’ll fail. driving fifteen hours to watch a family member die. jesus walking to golgotha carrying the cross. you know.

want to express if you are an adult teaching yourself haltingly to do things usually taught to children by adults who loved and raised them to be in this world, whatever it is whatever you’re trying to do theres no shame in it, in not having casual fluency expected at your age, and your world is as small as you tell yourself it will be and its better than falling silent. at some time somewhere on this earth someone figured out how to gut a fish for the first time, or mend a hole in a garment, and then they showed someone else. you get to be your own first, and if you’re ever interested and if you keep at it maybe you will get to turn your second tongue into someone’s mother, and there will be fewer lost and disjointed people in this world. I learned how to to shower properly in college. Keep going. Maybe you have an advantage even, to still have the expectation to be learning. It will keep your insides young.

friendship & romance are a pair of beautiful mirrors facing each other btw

will read the most life changing poetry & go "do people know about this?? are other people seeing this??" & surely they are, but such a strange feeling having to go to the grocery store or post office feeling so largely altered & no one knows