âPoignancyâ by Helena Louisse Sayat (2021)
My contemporary art speaks about the personâs mental health, sanity and identity. This is also based on my own experience, and as I was conceptualizing this project, I would like to impart my method on how I carry my burden. Whenever faced with problems, I tend to conceal it rather than being transparent. I always have my own conversation, I tend to talk to myself in front of the mirror. I start looking at my reflection, state my issues, and then formulate solutions as Iâm giving myself some advice.
This is the context of my art and the exact conversation I had with myself through making this:
The black entity or with the hands presents our problems, issues, and obstacles. The hands also present yourself, your being. Itâs your hands that depicts the only great enemy, which is you. It proves how you think, speak, and act. You overthink, you blame yourself, you're not careful upon things you allow to experience. Like if someone acted shitty towards you, you're alright with it, it doesn't affect you, because you allowed it, where it shouldn't even be that way.
In these shoes, you help people because you know how they feel and you want them to surpass the pain, so you offer yourself, yet at the same time while you're helping them ăź you're not okay too. You can't give what you don't have. Don't abuse yourself, don't belittle yourself. You're not a robot.
This is what happens when you're stuck in quarantine. You're alone in your little mundane, youâre trapped in your own thoughts, you're held captive by your own mind. It's so twisted and complex that you yourself couldn't even comprehend what's happening, you're going crazy. you're insane! I shouldn't be this fragile, I don't wanna break, I don't wanna burst. I don't wanna explode. As bright colors are covered with dark ones, itâs when youâre losing yourself little by little. When it goes completely dark, thatâs when you already vanished. Youâre consumed by your own thoughts. As youâre busy helping others, you forgot to help yourself. Your mental health breaks when it darkens, it turns into hands that helps you put on a show.
Iâve always had this mindset, itâs when you smile. It's not questioned. When you frown or put on a sad face, people immediately ask why. It's tiring to explain, so you just have to smile in front of them, because you think they wouldnât understand or youâre not ready. You force a smile on your face, not because youâre happy, but to conceal the sadness that pierce your heart. An unexplainable sorrow that no one can fathom and no words can describe. You donât know which figure or identity you want to show, so you always question yourself, âWho are you? Who do you decide to be? Are you okayâ. When we answer "yes", there's no explanation, because joy can't be put into words you're just "masaya lang" and a reason like that can convince anyone. But when you answer "no" there's already an explanation behind it, and it's precise and detailed that the words you used intertwine with the emotion you're feeling. Itâs so profound that it's scary how accurate and flexible it can be.
As people ask me for help, I canât bring myself to say ânoâ because I know they look up to me. They told me Iâm inspiring, they told me I bring light and hope to them, but the time I answered someone ânoâ because I wasnât okay either. He invalidated my emotion and still asked for advice or help. Sometimes I tend to think that when people ask me for help, it keeps me sane. Knowing that I can still formulate solutions and assist them with their cases.
In the end, with a handful of problems, they help me smile and show an unproblematic identity. You give everything, yet you receive nothing. The message behind this can bring awareness to the society, it can acknowledge the fact that what we see externally canât always be seen as something true or genuine, it speaks for other people who canât bring themselves to voice out problems, it depicts that listeners need listeners too. Knowing that the issues of the world about the pandemic and quarantine can turn anyone insane, we tend to be fragile and can break easily. As this art helped me to distinguish myself, I hope society can understand the importance of the peopleâs well-being and feelings, for it shows how much an issue our mental health or thoughts can create that it can form into anything that can hold you captive and control you.
