fragileheart's tumbldryr

I guess I allowed myself to be surrounded by noise after yours went radio silent because only in silence could I hear your distant voice from my memories. And so the days after you left me hanging, I spent filling the blank bars which missed your voice with others sounds. I feared the silence and ran away from it, finding every excuse to laugh, to smile and talk, to listen. I found every excuse to listen because maybe if I listened to other voices enough, yours would stop being familiar, maybe the way you pronounce my name would feel foreign and maybe, just maybe I won’t feel broken hearted. In my family, you don’t get a lot of silence anyway. And so I listened and listened, ignoring that a part of me looked for your voice in the chaos I created to make it fade. But in the unavoidable silent moments, I heard you loud and clear, I could hear nothing but you. You made it hard to sleep, I could hear you, and you made it hard to breathe or think, all you were was an echo in my head but your voice never became distant and it was never forgotten. This voice I heard was only fake, for the voice I had learned so well never reached out for me, and I never heard it pass your lips again. The one I heard was a fake voice and a figment of my imagination. Still all you are is a fake presence. A fake memory in this fake noise I created to ignore the fake voice in the horrifically real silence.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.