i think my brain has made me forget childhood memories because they were all so terrible. i only remember a few things from my entire childhood until I was about ten years old.
id rather push people away because i want to dissociate and wallow in my own self destructive habits.
i have terrible sleep patterns. at night i can never seem to stop thinking unless im absolutely exhausted or im high.
on the topic of exhaustion i have no motivation to do anything. everything i enjoyed before is on the back burner now and i don’t even care.
i don’t care about anything. if my parents catch me smoking weed i really wouldn’t care. thats not like me at all. i just don’t see why i should care about anything anymore.
i don’t care if i eat, and when i do eat I could care less about whether or not it is good for me. no moderation just a free-for-all sort of ordeal.
i do not let myself get overly excited about something current or in the future. i do not want to get my hopes up. i do not want to feel entirely happy in good situations because i know that the moment will end and the difference between the happiness and the sadness will be very destructive for my mental health.
i claim my self harm to be just a “bad habit” even after all these years but really i think that it’s because i really might be struggling with a mental disorder.
but i don’t know if im depressed or not.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
andulkaphoto
vaporwave
2087
