My Switchy World of Exploration

Anastasia Lavru on Instagram

polyamorous relationships can be long term.

polyamorous people can be married.

polyamorous relationships are real.

polyamorous relationships aren’t necessarily just about sex.

I did not write this - I am reposting with permission from the original author (@honeybare365) who is an extremely talented, experienced, and educated rope top AND bottom. In light of some of the questions we’ve received, and conversations we’ve seen regarding rope, it seemed prudent to share this with the tumblr-verse. -B

“sometimes, people watch me do an edgy scene and they are a little disturbed by what they see. they don’t like the blood or seeing me scream and cry or be asphyxiated. they think “i would never do that.”

and sometimes, they run up afterwards, hoping to ask if they, too, might have a turn. in this latter case, it’s always a rope suspension.

for whatever reason (because rope is pretty? because it doesn’t always seem painful? because they’ve seen people messing around while suspending? because the photos on K&P make it look easy?), i’ve been approached by many individuals who may never have worn rope on their body but want to be put through a three transition rope suspension. some of them have never even met me before. some of them ask me to tie someone else, who isn’t even present.

quick reminder: rope suspension is edge play.

have some of us forgotten this? have we all, in an attempt to push rope as exciting and inclusive and fun-for-everyone, put individuals at risk?

i’m not talking about all types of rope. draping rope across someone’s body in an intricate aesthetic or putting them in a relatively restrictive floor tie is not typically an issue. it certainly CAN be, if that individual panics, or has a medical condition, or [fill in other exceptions here]. but in these times, usually a top can relax a little more and just have fun with the bottom.

however, this is not what people are asking me for. they are asking to be suspended. they are asking to be gagged, and transitioned, and disoriented. they are asking to try the edge play that they see without knowing that it’s edge play. they are asking me to put them at risk.

rope suspension is always edge play. so is any torture tie, any micro bondage under stress, and any inversion.

as a bottom, i’ve experienced full wrist drop one time, and lesser nerve compressions after that. they were all with advanced riggers who had been tying for years. i typically tell new bottoms that if you do this long enough at any level, it will probably happen to you. whether it’s mild or severe, it’s possible. whether it’s an experienced or inexperienced rigger, it’s possible.

one night when i was performing, i watched a bottom shaking with sobs as she observed both of her hands, lifeless, in her lap.

nerve damage is always possible, as is a drop or fall. i’ve had a rig slip half a foot on me during a double suspension. this was even after a double load test. luckily, it was just a slip of a lashing and not a failure. lesson learned. it stopped my heart seeing my inverted bottom’s head plummet towards the ground, but luckily both women were okay. LUCKILY. it could easily have been much worse, because this is risky stuff.

all in all, i love suspending people. rope is amazingly wonderful, and when proper precautions are taken it’s accessible to almost everyone. but to those who rail about how rope need not be so serious all the time: i assure you, the most serious thing about rope is the risk. pretending otherwise will put someone in danger. risk. aware. consensual. kink.