The process of being disciplined is uncomfortable.

try pacifiers!

pacifiers not only help keep them quiet by not letting them shout but also give them something to bite down on to help relieve tension and stress.

if they refuse, claiming pacifiers are “too childish” there is always the pacifier gag option as well (and if they are getting that upset at games, they have no right to claim to be an adult in the first place).

You’re not a baby? Fine.

If you’re not a baby, I’m sure you can deal with me just dropping your nap schedule entirely. I’m sure you absolutely won’t be cranky when those nap times you roll your eyes at are suddenly gone and instead you’re helping me with the chores I do when you’re usually tucked in with your favorite stuffie, not at all.

If you’re not a baby, I’m sure me putting your pacis away won’t be an issue for you at all. Even though I’ve been popping it in your mouth to help you to calm you down when you’re having a big feeling for months now. I’m sure you can regulate just fine without it.

If you’re not a baby, all those toys have to go too, in a box in the spare room they go. Most grown ups may keep them for nostalgia, but it’s not like they need to snuggle a stuffie to sleep, right?

If you’re not a baby, I guess we’re putting you in normal undies post haste. Grown ups are potty trained and you’re no different! I’m sure you haven’t gotten used to just going in your pants, right sweetie?

If you’re not a baby, I guess you don’t need my help at bath time either. I’m sure you can shower on your own without me carefully messaging shampoo into your hair, cleaning you with the wash cloth in that nice, warm tub. You also definitely don’t need me to dry you off.

You didn’t think bursting into tears over the mere prospect of actually being treated like a grown up would have no consequences, did you? All that accomplished is helping me realize that I haven’t been doing enough, honestly! Since you’re such a big baby that can’t stand a single moment absent of the softness and structure I provide lest you fall to pieces, I clearly need to crack down harder, watch you even closer, and keep you even more restricted for your safety and comfort. You’re getting longer nap times, your playpen is getting moved closer to my workspace so I can watch you better, you’re getting every piece of solid food cut into tiny pieces and fed to you by me from now on, I’m moving your crib into my room so I can tend to you better at night, and you’re certainly getting your diapers checked every hour at least, you’re clearly far too little to be trusted with anything less stringent.