foxpawbz

TMS is "a procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of major depression. " (via the Mayo Clinic). it has helped my depression and anxiety a LOT. i feel amazing. if your doctor recommends it to you / if you are eligble, please look into it, it was absolutely life-changing for me. i can't recommend it enough for those who have medication-resistant depression like i do.

when it comes to therianthropy / my nonhumanity, it also changed a lot. i started to drift away from my red fox theriotype, and i felt a lot more strongly connected to my coastal wolf theriotype. my domestic cat 'type feels like it might as well be completely gone, or like it was never there. i feel more confident in my nonhumanity, like i can be myself more securely without the need to worry about what other people think about me. i often wear my gear in public without a second thought. i've been shifting more often, having more phantom shift sensations (feeling my ears and tail, or having the sensation that my human hands are actually paws).

it's all just so odd. in simple words, i've never felt more like an actual, literal wolf/dog in my entire life. i feel so secure and comfortable in my identity. i'm just so fascinated with how this came to be after starting TMS.

although i have only been doing the treatment for about two and a half weeks now, i am once again having a lot of complicated feelings around my idea of selfhood as a nonhuman. as i am receiving the TMS procedure, i can often feel phantom shifts in my hands as if they were transforming into paws, and my face feels snout-shaped. during the treatment, i feel like i need to run or escape my body. like i'm trapped and need to get out. sometimes it is an uncomfortable experience, because i feel very uneasy and unsafe having phantom shifts in front of the nurses that are watching over me as the TMS machine works.

i have gone through many different feelings of identity in the past weeks; some days i feel entirely mechanical, like a machine. and other times i feel like i might be something like a vampire, who feeds on blood or energy. this loss of self is distressing to me. i know it is likely due to the TMS, which is restructuring pathways in my brain, but it feels frightening to have such a sudden loss and difference in the self.

THE BODY SAFE DOG ALTERNATIVES

yippee yippee yippee

polite old lady wolf gets treats

Hands like yours

I want fingers that curl in the cold like yours

I want eyes to stare

And to cry

When I'm feeling scared like you

Just like you

🦴⋆🐾°ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁