Sometimes the work is to really grieve the wounds your mother sat in (or stayed in) while you were baking in her womb for 9 months. These same wounds may have passed on to you through the amniotic waters and influenced different areas of your life like confidence or self-esteem. Maybe she was in an abusive relationship. Maybe she was overfunctioning. Maybe she was partying - too much drinking and smoking out. Maybe she was eating lots of chemicals and processed foods. Some inheritances received while in one's mother's womb may have contributed to painful periods, fibroids, near-death experiences, abusive relationship cycles, being overweight or underweight, low-grade or high-grade mental issues, depression issues, attraction to emotionally-unavailable people, dead-beat lovers, abandonment issues, sexual challenges, chronic dis-ease, etc. Think about it.
And do be clear. This is not an invitation to blame or shame your mother. Nothing beautiful grows from that. This IS, however, an invitation to contemplate your lineage, gestational environment, and early nervous system development with compassion, especially toward yourself, and toward your mother.
Consider your mother's stress hormonal levels, fears around safety, lack of care practices, and/or quality of nourishment without excusing the harm that may have been done in your life. Look at how these areas could be contributing to your present-day experiences. Then begin to do the work to reorient your energy in a new grounded, self-nurturing way and invite in new narratives from there.
After studying just only a little bit about epigenetics and prenatal stress, I could clearly see how a mother’s environment and emotional state influence how certain genes are expressed in a fetus, baby, child, and even when that child becomes an adult. But at the same time, it’s important to avoid turning this into blame, fear, or a fixed story about your body or believing it is the reason you are in the situation you are in. Grieving should express LESS like "my mother caused my pain" or "my body is broken because of my mother’s past" and...MORE like "my nervous system learned survival early and today I get to teach it something new like ease, peace, natural beauty, care, and trust."
My aim, prayerfully, is for you to own that human beings are divine, adaptive, and capable of transforming and metabolizing new narratives across many lifetimes no matter what.
This is who you are.
-India Ame'ye, Author
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