Love

I dont think I'll ever move on. Because that means I accept our fate as strangers.

Everyday..I still think about you...every day.. I think of what if I did this...or if I did that..or if I was better... what I wouldnt do to change it. I have to thank you though. You did hell me realise I wasn't ready. I wanted to take you in and be your man but I wasnt ready to let someone into my life and be responsible for that. I was selfish and only cared about myself. Honestly its hard... when someones asks me...I can only think of everything bad I did. But it's also the way I've handled things. I think the heaviest part is knowing I took you away from your family and the church. And that will forever be the weight on my heart. It breaks me...daily... I wish I would have been better. I hope your happy. I hope you became the person you wanted to be. I hope your dreams come true. So take care okay. I'll always love you. No matter what happens. In the end you'll still be my forever and always. Just that now I forever will remember the burden and pain of failure...and other things... it will always be on my mind. And will be a lesson I keep for eternity. So thank you...for the love I never deserved. For the smiles that brightened my day. Also for loving me in the hardest way possible... I know this was tough on you. I'm sure. But even if you dont come back...even if I carry your name in my heart alone for eternity. I'll do enough good and stand out enough to make up for both of us. You'll be my forever and always...even alone... and at the end of it all. When I'm the best man I can be. So much of it will be because of you.. thanks :)

I wonder

I'm sorry I made you think that I really an. I'm sorry for the hours of the day you felt I left you or gave up on you. I love you I always will. I'll find a way to give you my dropbox or email my v blog

well ive been trying a video blog..wondering if theres a way i can post them without them being to the public. lols... ahh well things in my life...everythings going crazy good. im on track to make 5.5k take home a month right now. trucks having some problems but i got a few new parts. im out of this slum of being depressed and missing you all the time and like woah is me shit..which is really nice honestly. its weird ive been in such a grind for so long that when i step away and im like hey what do i want to do today. i really have to remake some hobbies in my life now.. kinda weird but fun. the weather here as been crazy. only rained enough for me to wear rain gear twice in the past 2 months. like holy cow its been sooo nice. loving the new go pro. gona make the journal blog with it. just wish there was a way to send them to you. but then again idk how you feel about it all. and honestly..lets get to that. i honestly feel like im the only one that wants us together. and ive talked it out with sooo many people now. holy smokes and its weird. cause in my heart im like hey i know tyrsa..i know shed never give up on me..or us shell always wants us right..ehh.. but my mind is like hey bud... she did give up on you..she left you..you guys were on two very different pages. about the relationship. and then what got me the most this week was. alright ill wait for my chance with her right.. wait a few years...right.. like...i really had to think about this...more then i wanted too. we are both at very different spots in our lives... my goals plans or whatever you want to say they are... get back in..get re bapistised..and then just become better..choir again spokesmen club all the little things..but legit my next big step..marriage.. i have a home..i have a job for life..like i get it,,im young and ahead of the game. everyone tells me that.. tim you got your shit together man dam.. but like am i willing to give up on the chance for mrs right to walk into my life..us start dating then 2 years later you come back in..and i get to make a choice of hey do i want to pick up where i left off or start with the new...and i know what i would pick..without a doubt..id pick you..but..even my own family threatened to kick my ass if i did.. and i cant blame them..none it all makes sense the timing anything..i get it..i know you..at least id like to say i do.. but part of me wonders now.. do i.. do you want me..or do you get a sick sense of me wanting you and you toying with it.. i feel like i want us to much..then im holding on so tight that im gona twist and break it all and just make it worse. im happier then ive ever been before and im so happy about it all. but im uneasy.. why.. because my heart says one thing..but logic says another. i loved you...i really did.. i still do..but am i willing to give up on mrs right...just to have you say no i dont want you anymore.. it was one thing when we were younger..like hey wait for me alright..ill wait for you..but now its not like that..and im forced to park my truck on the road of life and just enjoy a rest stop in order to be with the girl i love while she gets car to get started.. and i dont mean for any of this to come off rude or mean or like im throwing punches cause im not.. im in the most puzzled empty faced look ever. im happy but im lost in thought. im worried about you..but theres nothing i can do to help so whats the point in wasting my energy. ya know. like dont cry over spilled milk. idk im sure youll ready this and be mad at something or hell idk... and honestly.. idc anymore.. the one thing that scares me.. is i drop friends and people out of my life fast..like they were never even there..and youve seen that..and im trying so hard..with these videos and tumblr to try to hold on..but its like if you had the choice to put you hand in a 1 of 2 bags..one made it so you lost your arm..the other made it so you got 1 billion dollars..both are life changing.. but are you willing to do that or would you walk away? want if both bags you lose your arms. what if i wanted us more then you did.. what if i was just there to help you and move on.. maybe thats it... i once said..im here just to help and if that means im just in your life for a little bit and gone thats it..doubt youd rememeber that it was wayyy back. but ya.. maybe my time has come and gone.. but do i want it too...no.. not at all.. do i want us yes..would i wait..yes. but the question lies.. am i weight for snow to fall in summer? am i wanting something that wont happen..cant happen..doesnt want to happen.. hu idk.. but its thanksgiving week. so im smiling..making new friends and having fun.. wish you the best honestly do. hope things go good for you..really do. best of luck tyrsa.. for old friends sake alright.

Do you want to read these? Do you want to know how things are going or is it just best I disappear?

Hope things are going well for you..and even if they are not. I have hope you'll make it. You're strong. I believe in you. So do you best smile and have some fun along the way okay. Sorry I haven't posted much. Gons start a video collection soon but. Ya. I just wanted to throw a little encouragement at ya. I know things will be hard...really really hard. But I know you can handle it. Otherwise you wouldnt be there. So do your best alright. Smile :)

I have to say thank you for introducing me to your cousin. He's been more of a friend then ever before. Stay up way late just in deep conversation with him. Thank you

Do you still read these?

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.