I just became a substitute teacher. Because I have a passion for kids, I absolutely enjoy my job but of course there are times I am frustrated and want to discipline every kid I come into contact with. For example, last week I had to substitute teach a 2nd grade class and everything was fine and dandy. Matter of fact, we even began the class by dancing. These kids were freaking break dancing! At the end of it, I jumped into a roll and busted out a turning kick following by a 360 tornado kick. LOL. Needless to say, we had an awesome time. Then as the day slowly went on, I would come to learn that these kids were defiant as can be. They would totally disregard any rules I would enforce. There was literally eight boys rolling around wrestling each other on the carpet meanwhile a two kids sought my help with the assigned homework and everyone else was tattle-telling on each other for the stupidest reasons . Some of these things weren’t even worthy to be called conflicts. I came home that day so ready to be off and feeling legitimate heaviness on my back. I then made it a priority to never take jobs with lower grade school kids. They are in the truest sense of the phrase, “a pain in my back.” Haha

I watched Justin Bieber’s roast last night. All of those celebrities tore that kid to shreds. It was super offensive but I did find some hilarity in it and offered some sincere laughs myself. My favorite part was when Bieber shared his little spiel in the end. He teased everyone present at the roast (with some pretty witty/funny material I would say) and then shared his heart. 

I didn’t know a roast could at all be enlightening but I was encouraged to hear Justin. I could tell there was an inner, earnest desire to be a better person. Despite his track record of getting drunk, being the most hated person in history, crashing cars, sleeping around and abandoning a monkey, he said before everyone he was going to grow up, take responsibility and be more of a man. He concluded with a very authentic brief moment which seemed as if he was speaking directly to the heavens and said before everyone, “Thank you God for your grace and for never giving up on me.”  And I think that’s the most beautiful thing. We’re all kind of jacked up in our own ways but Jesus sees our value and our worth and who we are called to be. We’re not defined by our actions, our wrongdoings and sins but by the grace that was freely lavished upon us by the cross of Christ. For that, I respect this kid. Keep it up bro, stay strong, be humble, and trust in The Lord in all your ways. 

Took a walk next to the solemn trees,  I hear you talk through the wind, it seems you’re near me  Never wanted to be all of these, wear a mask for all to see But you see right through me  You are running into me  You are my heart that’s beating  You are consuming all of me 

I want to record this moment before I forget it. 

Two days ago, I was moving homes for an elderly couple and I sparked a conversation with the gentlemen, who was a sarcastic fella with a cheek-in-tongue semi-dark humor. I’d walk by with a bunch of boxes in my arms and he’d go, “Would it be illegal to bomb Comcast? I called wanting to ask the attendant a couple of questions and he goes on to sell me 100 things I don’t care about. Freaking A.” I said, never knowing how to respond to these kinds of questions, “uh yeah? You’d might want to reconsider that. That sucks” I continue moving a dolly of big ole boxes downstairs dodging him by an inch. His mumbling about something and I look back thinking he was addressing me, “Hm?” Our conversation went a little something like this.

I thought I was immune to the stuff. In the past, I remember downing shots of Seven Eleven caffeine on long laborious days hoping to boost my energy. I’d still nod off behind the wheel and barely finish jobs with droopy eyes and a serious case of apathy.

Here I am five hours later (3:24 am) writing about the ineffectiveness of coffee on my body. I’ve never been more convinced of its potency. I have work in four hours. Oh joy.

I woke up today at 4:30 am from a bad dream. It wasn't really a nightmare, just a bad dream that left me feeling bitter. 

The dream: I overheard that the girl I was last into was getting married. I told her that I didn't mind but in reality, I felt a deep frustration in my bones. Somehow it was before the reception at some house and I just stormed off. Upon my departure, I aggressively threw two items out of the door. I forget what they were but I was pissed off. And if that wasn't enough, the parking structure I parked at was excessively populated with cars and it took ages to leave. 

I woke up half angry and half confused. I thought I had already put all that behind me. I thought I chose to forgive but this dream showed me  the true content of my heart, that I was hurt and lonely. I laid there in a fetal position, asking God to take this bitterness from me and replace it with peace. Almost immediately I felt his comfort and presence. It was tangible, powerful and serene all at the same time. 

I decided I was going to have breakfast at Denny's by myself. I threw on some warm clothes, a hat to cover my shaggy hair, and the Good News Bible I got from work. I ordered a prime rib salad with thousand island dressing and a cup of coffee. I downed that salad in ten minutes tops and gulped the first cup of Joe. Then, I slowed down on two and three. 

During this time, I read through the book of Micah. It was a short but fascinating read. I'll admit, OT is tough to read but I do want to understand it fully one day. You heard me Lord! To sum it all up, Micah is this prophet that warns Isreal and Judah of God's coming wrath and reign. Micah is so distraught with the sin and rebellion of Isreal that he chooses to mourn and lament by walking around barefoot and naked, howling like a jackal and wailing like an ostrich. (paraphrase of Micah 1:8) I just thought man, is this guy dramatic or what? That would be considered nuts in our day. But then, I really thought about it and if Micah was sent as a prophet from God, without a shadow of a doubt, he means what he says. So much so, that he went to this extreme to let the people know how unrighteous they were. 

Then, I thought about the state of the world we live in. There is hatred. There is racism. There is violence and murder.There is slavery and trafficking. Darkness runs rampant through our streets and sin is ever growing like a tumor. We are Isreal. We have turned our backs from the hands that formed us in our mother's wombs, the hands that fed and clothed us, the hands that were pierced for our many transgressions.

I wondered, where are the prophets of today? Where have the redeemed hidden themselves? Why aren't we shouting with joy and praise because of the One who has brought us out of darkness and into light? Why are we trying to fit in when we've been called to be misfits? Where are the history makers, the dreamers, the game changers? 

When I woke up, I felt alone. But after taking myself out to breakfast, I felt alive, whole and loved by my Father. To be able to carry the message of the Good News meant the world to me. And I had the revelation that no woman could fulfill the desire I have to please God and to do the will of Him who sent me. 

Right then, a song on the United Pursuit Radio station played. The lyrics still echo in my spirit. 

"Awake, awake all you dreamers Awake, awake and be free To dream the dreams of him  who was slain who was beaten The warring of a lamb  who can never be defeated"

The book of Micah ends with this an exhortation and a message of hope.