hello, my love.

I finally did it. Days of deep thinking whether I should contact you one last time.. last night I decided for sure that I’ll let go of everything and not message you at all. But today, something pushed me to do it.

It was neither to ask you back, nor to demand an explanation. It was simply to put my heart at ease by saying that I respect your decision and wish you well. And I will remember only the good days of our life together.

It would’ve been our 300th day had we not broken up 13 days ago. However hung up I may be, I refuse to succumb to loneliness and overthinking. It would take lots of strength, yes, but it’s needed to be done for my own sake and growth.

I am sincere with my well-wishes. I hope you laugh a lot and eat well every day. And maybe, just maybe, we’d meet again somewhere someday. That time I hope, we’d both be in a much better position.

Thank you for making me happy. This is me letting you go finally, but I’ll keep our memories for as long as I can.

그럼 20000. Goodbye, my love.

I’ve been thinking of you all day. These past days I’ve tried so much to control my thoughts from going your way.. but today, I just let myself go. I felt like I needed to just free my thoughts and really think about things.

From when we started our relationship, this is the first time you got me so confused. Your actions were sweet but your words were bitter. I don’t know what to believe.

My mind is torn whether to message you one last time.. You probably blocked me like what you said you’d do but I wanted to say that I want an explanation, that maybe things could still work out. After all, how could things end this way when I could still remember you calling my name in your sleep and saying you love me? When you’re half-asleep at night and still try to call me just to hear my voice?

But I’m too scared of what your response might be. I’m scared that you’d say something that might hurt me even more.

People say, just move on and forget him. Don’t even dare send him a message. At the same time, others say go ahead and try if that puts your heart at ease.

You’re missing from me

It’s been exactly a week since we parted ways and I miss you. I don’t think of you all day anymore, but you’re consistently there - in every corner of my thoughts and actions. I’ve been trying so hard to move on and let acceptance do its course.

But I miss you.

Especially at night when my mind roams free.

At night when I feel the most alone.

And when I used to feel your presence always.

May 25, 2020 

Yesterday, I expected to cry the whole day out but I didn’t. Not because I finally moved on just like that, no. Never.

You still occupy most of my thoughts. So many questions come along with those. When did you feel it started going south? Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way? Why wouldn’t you try to work it out first, considering this is our first fight? Just..why?

I would literally feel my heart in pain and whole chest feeling empty. Yet I couldn’t cry despite wanting to.

I’m dying to know what’s going on in your mind from that night. Do you hurt as much as I do? Do you miss me, too?

May 24, 2020

30 minutes. That’s how long it took to tell me that it’s over. 

Nine months doesn’t seem long enough for some, but it was enough for me to believe that there’s a future awaiting us. You weren’t my first relationship but you’re the first to introduce the idea of ‘forever’. 

You often told me, I wanna protect you forever. When we’re married, let’s have a dog. I wanna be with you again even in our next lives. When we have a baby, I think I’ll be so jealous. 

And I often told you, I wanna take care of you forever. When we’re married, I’ll cook yummy food for you. When we have a baby, I’ll be jealous, too, so I’ll compete for attention!

We made so many promises and made so much effort keeping them. We swore that we’ll never break up and we’re each other’s lasts. 

Although childish, I held onto those words, knowing that if we’ll work on any issue or problems. However, i don’t know what happened. 

Just days ago you couldn’t wait to see me. You kept checking any available flights to book for me. You got a couple item for us. You imagined me staying in your new studio and spending the whole day with you. You urged me to stay permanently with you. You kept saying you love me so much and no one will love me more than you. 

I know you were sincere. No doubt. I know you’re loyal. You dedicated all your free time for me, constant calls even when you’re busy. Watching movies/dramas and sleeping while on call. You were my whole day, every single day. 

Those three days you took to think was the hardest. I kept crying at every thought of you, but I tried t keep it together and give you that time. i felt so empty. And when you finally did, it’s just so you could say goodbye. 

We weren’t good for each other.

You’re a really good person. You were too good for me.

Block me and forget about me.

Just like that. I know it’s really over, and I don’t really hate you. There might have been a real reason why you did what you did. if you ever read this, I just want you to know that you’re precious to me. Still. 

I hope you a good and happy life. 

May 23, 2020

D+287

Goodbye to all the promises, memories, calls that go all night ‘til sunrise because we wanna be together that much, sweet and encouraging words, and to the could-be-future together.

No bitterness, just pure thankfulness.