for fit's sake

I have always been my biggest downfall.  I have always been so critical of myself.  I was always trying to lose weight just to look better, but was always confused as to why I couldn’t last longer than a month or two on a “program”, and why I still noticed problems with my body when I lost the weight.  What I didn’t realize was the weight I needed to lose weren’t the pounds on a scale, but the thoughts weighing my mind down. In October I ran a half marathon with zero training. I’m talking nothing. My biggest downfall? My mind, again.  After running that morning, and clocking one of my worst races to date (2:31:20), I decided I needed to make some serious changes that would stick. For the past 6-7 months I have been on a journey to really, truly, better where I am mentally and physically, for the sake of my health. Not to look better in a bikini, although that’s a perk.  What have I changed? I don’t follow a diet.  I eat what I love, I’ve just increased the amount of nutrient dense foods in my diet.  I’m more aware of my binging tendencies and what my triggers are, but I don’t stop myself from ordering a pizza after a long day.  I don't make myself feel bad for eating a big plate of fries or drinking when I’m out with my girlfriends.  I get up the next day, and I continue to make better choices.  I’ve started lifting weights 4x/week, and only doing 20-25 mins of HIIT cardio training 3-4x/week.  In saying that, I don’t lock myself down into a weight training or cardio program.  I’ve learned that I do best when I plan my workouts the day before a new week starts.  I’ll change what I’m doing depending on my work schedule or plans for the week.  I like to mix up my cardio to keep it interesting, and tend to hit up a spin class 1-2 times/week instead of doing an interval run at my local gym.   I set attainable goals for myself.  As human beings, we are constantly changing.  Changing our opinions, values and priorities.  Our likes and dislikes, our jobs, our homes.  Every few weeks I find the need to adjust my goals based on where I’m at in that moment.  For example, one week I wanted to try counting my macros.  One week I wrote down, “Decrease consumption of animal products”.  One week I had a goal to mix up my eating (as I tend to be a creature of habit), and try new recipes.  I have stopped being afraid of change, and now I welcome it. All of these things combined have led me to where i am in this moment.  I still have my days when I don’t want to get my butt out of bed and workout.  So I text a friend who will hold me accountable.  I still have those heavy thoughts where I think I haven’t made enough progress in the time I’ve been working at it.  So I look at my before pictures to remind myself where I was in October.  I have days where I’ll eat nothing good for me, and feel like crap, which reminds me why I have made the changes I have.