Fonzy💋

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You almost feel ashamed

That someone could be that important

That without them, you feel like nothing

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you

And when it's over, and it's gone

You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

So that you could have the good

Ever been in such a dark place in your life that you thought you should just end it all? I have. Three weeks ago. Three weeks ago i did something i never thought i would ever do in my life. I tried cutting myself after a huge fight with my now ex. I went to a dark place where ive never been and i lost control. I hit and pushed someone i loved. I destroyed his car with multiple hammers. Lastly, i tried taking my own life. After everything happened i was arrested and sent to the hospital. I missed my bf more than evern when i was at the Er. Wondering if he was fine. Would i ever see him again? Have i ruin everything i work for? We took 3 weeks apart from one and other to reflect what had happened. Today, Monday Nov.6th i saw him for the first time since that horrible day. We talked and cried. I thought we would work on our issues and move forward. When he told me he had to go home, for some odd reason it didnt sit well with me. I was never the one to ignore my gut feeling. So i took my fathers car without asking him first. And drove to the city. Come to find my bf at the bar and not at home, where he said he was going. And to top things off, he was with someone whom we met a couple of weeka ago who was very flirty with both of us. My bf had added him on facebook. I told him to delete him only cause i have issues with facebook. So he said he did. Come to find out tonight that he didnt and has kept contact with him. Ive been crying and debating what to do next. Here i am crying for someone i love so much. But has lied to me constantly. I ended things with him tonight. My heart is broken. Right now ive thought to myself, "how am i ever going to trust anyone again?" The thing is, the one you need to trust first is yourself. Nobody else. Trust yourself and tell yourself everything is going to be okay. Even if doesn't feel like it right now. Dont hurt yourself thinking that someone is going to change for you. You have to change for you. You want love? Love yourself first. Do things to distract yourself from your mind and your pain. That's why im writting this. Nothing last forever. Your heart will mend and the sadness You have today will go away eventually. Allow yourself to be truly happy with yourself first. If you need someone to talk to or even open up about something. Im hear to listen. You're not alone. Dont be stranger if you need someone to talk too. Ill be your friend. I'll be here when you think everyone has turned their back on you. Just know you are loved. And you're worth so much more. And know that everything will be okay. I love you all.