I just want to go for a walk but the air is hazardous and very very not good for my asthmatic lungs right now 😞

I have never been and will never be a casual person I am obsessive and compulsive and often am trapped within my own mind replaying the same five truths over and over again and it will be insightful until it no longer is and then it just hurts but I cannot stop when I love something I love with a euphoria reminiscent of the finest spring day but when the memories and the sensations come back my brain will loop it all with a vengeance until my only thoughts are of hands where they shouldn’t be and injustices that will never be resolved and im so tired of the endless droning of the same evil the same compulsions and the same fears i am tired of feeling trapped within my own mind where i feel that i have no control over my thoughts i am tired