how can I forgive a family that put me in the position to be so violent towards myself?? you “did the best you could”??? you didn’t help me!!! when I begged for help you did nothing and when I got older and things got worse and I ended up in the er getting 83 stitches I didn’t say anything because you never helped me before and when I finally told you months later you gave me the silent treatment because I told my dad before telling you. I needed his insurance!!! your daughter hurt herself so severely she needed 83 stitches and all you can think about is how I didn’t prioritize you!!!!!! and for my brother to say he remembers things differently you were not an 8 year old girl being emotionally and sexually abused by almost everyone in your life. you “didn’t notice anything strange”????? you could leave!! you had a car you had a life I was stuck there I was completely reliant on everyone else because I was the youngest and the weakest and the quietest. you didn’t notice your own friend finding me and assaulting me!!!!! I want to scream forever and ever. I know life is so unfair for everyone but my god I feel completely alone. no one understands.

I have been so angry all day and I hate showing my anger I feel so much shame and embarrassment and I have snapped at people so many times today I hate when that happens I just want to lay down and be alone

I talked with my friend last night about life and he’s 22 and recently started doing therapy and he spoke in therapeutic metaphors the whole time and like yes he was very well meaning I just think he reminds me of when I was around his age and coming to conclusions about my life that weren’t always so rooted in reality/believing therapy will really fix me and then all will be well. and it was a nice conversation and I don’t know if it’s the shame of it all but I felt even more broken than usual I think. I think sometimes when you’re young you have to latched on to the almost toxic positivity of “changing your life” in therapy and idk it got me to this point but I’m at such a different point in my life now and it was jarring to hear it all from someone else who knows some of my history but doesn’t Know you know