No matter how much he tried, he would always scream himself awake, sobbing and gasping for breath as the faces of all of his friends, now dead and buried, flashed before his eyes.
One night, when his nightmares woke him up once more, he apparated to 12 Grimmauld Place. He hadnât been back yet since the war had ended, over a year ago, and he didnât know why he had decided to go back now. He turned away, already regretting his decision, but something in him wouldnât let him leave.Â
When Harry entered the house, he felt like he couldnât breathe. All of the memories rushed at him, threatening to drown him, and it was all he could do not to fall to the ground and cry until he died.
He moved down the corridor slowly, trailing a hand along the dusty wall in an effort to ground himself to the present. Here, this is where he saw Sirius for the first time after being rescued from the Dursleys in fifth year. This is where he and the Weasley children had eavesdropped on the Order Meeting. This is where Crookshanks ate the Extended Ear.
Harry found himself smiling. Even when he tripped over an umbrella stand and landed flat on his face on the ground, he didnât mind, because he remembered Tonks doing the exact same thing. He stood up, dusting himself off, and was about to explore the house more when he heard someone cough quietly next to him.
Startled, he whipped around, already reaching for his wand, but he stopped when he saw who it was. Walburga Black gazed at him with sharp eyes, but there was a new grief in them that he had never seen before.
âHeâs dead, isnât he.â It wasnât a question, it was a fact. Harry frowned, not quite understanding who she was talking about. âSirius. Heâs dead.â
Harry drew in a sharp breath, trying to ease the pain in his heart, and jerkily nodded his head. Walburga smiled sadly.
There was silence after that, the two of them staring at each other, lost in their grief.
âDid you hate him?â Harry asked suddenly. âSirius, I mean. Did you really hate him?â
Walburga shook her head. âOf course not! He was my son! I loved him just as much as I loved his brother.â
âYou never showed it.â
She sighed heavily, the weight of three lifetimes seeming to weigh heavily on her shoulders. âI know. I wanted him to leave the house. It wasnât safe for him here anymore - he was so vocal about what he believed in, and if he had stayed, he would have died for that.â
Harry studied her intently, looking for any sign that she may have been lying, but found none. He nodded, once, before turning on his heel and striding back towards the front door, not even bothering the close the curtains of the portrait behind him. Just before he left, he heard Walburga call out. âWill you be back? It was lovely, talking to you.â
Harry didnât respond. But, a few weeks later, when he returned to Grimmauld Place, he woke the portrait up and talked to her.
It became a ritual. Harry would tell her everything, and she would listen, comforting him as he finally broke down over all of the people who had died to take down Voldemort.
When he and Ginny got engaged, the first person that he told was Walburga, smiling brightly in a way that he hadnât for years. She smiled with him.
When Ginny got sick, and the doctors said that she was most likely going to die, it was Walburga that Harry sought comfort in. She murmured soothing words to him as he sobbed, pulling his hair in anger at the unfairness of it all.
Harryâs first child was called James Sirius, and his second was Albus Severus, but he named his third Lily Walburga, after the woman who had saved him from his own sorrow.