i want to feel your love like the weather

Match #310

Details at Ashish Spring 2016 | Garden at Arles by Vincent Van Gogh, 1888

it’s almost 4 am and i’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing tonight about my life with fic, both reading and writing it. and it’s really bittersweet of me to do this, since i feel like i’m even losing a part of myself, but i’ve decided i’m going to be taking a step back from the community. and maybe this has been a long time coming since i haven’t really posted anything in awhile, but i thought i would let you all know what i’m thinking right now.

it’s not because i feel detached from the community itself - you receive as much love from the community as you put into it, and i’m well aware of this. in fact, i’ve made some amazing, life-long friends from this experience. i’ve grown as a writer and as a person and even as a friend. thank you all for everything you’ve done for me. i hope that i’ve had a smidgen of positive impact on even just one of you. just a little bit would be enough for me. 

i’ll probably still be around lurking in the shadows, but i’m going to stop holding myself to commitments i’m not sure i’ll ever keep. i’m gonna stop lying to myself about where i stand as both a writer and reader in this community. maybe i’ll be back one day after i do a lot of self-reflecting and i rediscover my love for writing. but i don’t think fic has been about that for me for a long time now and it’s time for me to reevaluate.

shoot me a message if you wanna talk - i still love you all. ask me for the url for my main or for my imessage. come talk to me about writing you love and if you’re having a bad day. i’d really hate to give that up too.