Meow.

It’s alright, I totally knew you were joking about it. I’m actually kinda socially awkward too, especially around girls, so don’t be surprised if I just stop talking any minute now and sorta stare off into space.

Oh, well don’t think of me as a girl. I mean, I am one. The only girly things I like doing are dressing up. Other than that I eat too much, play video games, and drink iced coffee. That’s mostly what guys in LA did.

Yeah, make fun of the guy that just got beat up. That’s totally not rubbing salt in the wound or anything. Lucky for you, I’ve got pretty thick skin.

Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetie. I told you I was kidding. Okay, I take it back, Taco Bell boy. So, um, km pretty socially awkward other people usually initiate the conversation.

No, no, don’t worry, I’m fine. I can handle it; a couple cuts and bruises aren’t that hard to clean up. Thanks for the offer, though.

Only if you’re sure. I just- I hate seeing people in pain. I mean, getting beat up and failing Algebra 2 twice. Just adds to the embarrassment… kidding.

Dinah, I swear it’s not as bad as it looks. It wasn’t my fault, either. 

Are you sure? You look bad, like, really bad. Um, do you need help cleaning up?

Y’know, the other guy probably looks ten times worse than I do right now. I mean, at least I think he does.

Di-Dipper?

Dude, of course you should listen to them! Have you heard their most recent album? Seriously, it’s fuckin’ awesome. Oh, shit, sorry about the cussing then; I’ll try to tone it down if you don’t like it. I don’t really smoke or drink either, mainly ‘cause my sister would probably slap me silly if I did, but nothing’s wrong with talking about tattoos and hair dye and food, especially food. Alright, alright, I’ll buy you a party box and then you’ll finally be able see the infamous Big Dipper birthmark on my shoulder. I’m not that hardworking ‘cause I usually pretend to sweep and take naps in the storage room, but sure, we’ll go with hardworking American if it means I get Taco Bell.

I’ll totally listen to them when I get the chance! Thanks for reminding me to listen to an amazing band. Oh, dude, it’s totally fine! You can cuss all you want- I just won’t. But if you say something and I want to repeat it- I’ll censor myself. Nice of you to offer to stop, though. You’re much more polite than most guys around here. Hm. The only reason I talk about the two first things is ‘cause people ask me about them. “What hair dye do you use?”, “How long does it last?”, “If you’re religious why do you have tattoos?”, etc. People can be so dull at times. There you go! Or, possibly, you can pull your own shirt off your shoulder for me to see it when I show up with a chalupa. Wait, do you get paid for this- if so, can I please get a job there because that seems like my kind of job. Arg! I gotta get food, I’ll be back in, like, ten minutes.

Yeah, bands like that! Plus ones like All Time Low, Mayday Parade, The 1975, stuff like that. I blame it on my friends because they pretty much only listen to that sort of thing, so it caught on after a while. Are we gonna hold a contest to see which one of us is lamer? ‘Cause my sister and Grunkle Stan can, like, vouch for how lame my entire life has been. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you’re the first Dinah I’ve ever met, so it’s obviously not really that common. I think it’s a pretty unique name, especially for a girl with cool hair who has an even cooler taste in music and a love for Taco Bell. Nah, don’t worry, people ask me all the time to see it ‘cause they never believe me when I tell ‘em about it. When you drop off my Taco Bell, you can totally pull my shirt down and get a look. And now it just occurred to me that that sounds a little weird and creepy.

Oh, that’s not thing to blame someone for! Mayday Parade and the 1975 are amazing. I used to listen to All Time Low and now I don’t as much. Maybe I should start again? Ha! Just about anyone who’s had a conversation with me can vouch for me. I mean, I’m the little Christian girl who doesn’t cuss, drink or smoke, is worth money and talks about hair dye, tattoos and food. I obviously live the most interesting life, huh? Psst, can you taste the sarcasm? Cool hair, cooler taste in music and loves Taco Bell, well aren’t I every man’s dream girl? Dipper! Buy me a taco party box and then I can pull your shirt down. I told you, I’d be all yours. But, right, Taco Bell for the hard working American!

Hey, you’ve got some pretty good music taste there. I’m more of an indie and alternative guy myself, so I appreciate someone who likes the same stuff I do when it comes to music. Whoa, relax, I’m fine with you babbling as much as you want. I’m usually a babbler too, especially whenever I’m nervous or excited or both. Sometimes I laugh awkwardly too, just ‘cause I’m lame like that. Dinah, huh? I dunno why, but I feel like that name suits you really well. Oh, and my real name isn’t Dipper; I just go by that ‘cause I’ve got this weird birthmark on my shoulder that looks like the Big Dipper, which is where the Twitter name comes from too. And that was probably too much info, wasn’t it?

Thank you, I really take compliments like that to heart. People who compliment my music taste get major brownie points. Oh, so, you're into Arctic Monkey and The Neighbourhood? I guess you would classify them as Indie Alternative, yeah? I'm sorry, babbling makes me even more nervous so a kind if freak out a bit; I think I start to talk fast and uncontrollably. My bad, really. Listen, I'm not trying to make this into a contest or a bet but I can bet I'm even more lame than you. Thank you, I take pride in my name. Then again, no one really says that. It's a pretty classic and traditional name and a girl with real hair doesn't exactly scream classic and traditional; thank you any way. Actually no. That's awesome; to have a birthmark shaped like something. You have to show me that some time! And that sounded much better in my head, oh, mistakes- you never forget them.

You’d be surprised at how tolerant I am of rude people, actually. Wait, isn’t it yolo, not yalo? But it’s okay ‘cause I’m pretty lame too; that’s why I spend most of my day slaving away in my great uncle’s little shop of cheap horrors. Fine, fine, I’ll take you out to Taco Bell the next time I try declaring my love for you, and I’ll even go all out and buy you two of everything. Oh, right, sorry about that. The name’s Dipper Pines, just like the constellations. That’s sorta where the twitter handle comes from, so now you don’t have to think I’m some really weird dude that’s a little too into stars.

Uh, yeah, but I don’t want to be a rude person- I mean I’m not a rude person, nor do I want to come off as one. Make sense? Probably, I’m not as far into pop culture as most people think. I’m an eighteen year old girl who listens to Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, The Smiths, and Muse. Not Lady Gaga, Drake, or Miley Cyrus. I’m giving you my life story, I’m so sorry. I babble a lot when I’m nervous, but I’m not exactly nervous. Please tell me to shut up whenever you want me to. Psh, buy me a taco party box and I’m all yours. Dipper, I’ve heard stranger names. Kidding- kind of. Eh, astronomy can be interesting, plus intelligence is attractive. Personality wise and- well- yanno’ the other way. I’m getting even more lame, how is that possible? Ugh, shut up, Dinah. Dinah! That’s my name, I mean. Dinah Baker. Now you know that I’m not some illiterate girl who doesn’t know how to spell dinosaur.

Don’t worry, everyone is free to call their great uncles Grunkle, mainly ‘cause it sounds funny. See, I just saved you a five dollar entrance fee by warning you about how fake and cheesy the place is; just don’t tell Grunkle Stan I told you that. Oh my god, I seriously love you right now and my stomach thanks you in advance. II’ll give you my number so you can text me when you get here, that way I can intercept the food before my Grunkle Stan or sister.

If you think about it- nah, never mind, that would be rude to say. Eh, five dollars isn’t much. I might even buy something because why not; ‘yalo’. That’s what people say now-a-days… I’m so lame, please ignore me. Well, I don’t think I plan on meeting a Grunkle any time soon, so no need to worry about that. Love me? You could at least take me Taco Bell before you declare your undying love for me. Oh, and, you’re welcome, stomach. Okay, awesome! Um, should I just put your name as “At BigDipper” or do you maybe have another name than your twitter handle?

Well Grunkle Stan is my great uncle, but since my sister and I are too lazy to say ‘great uncle Stan,’ we shortened it to Grunkle Stan.The Mystery Shack is this really weird place on the outskirts of town where Grunkle Stan shows off bizarre and fake creatures and cheap tricks to anyone who stops by. He basically makes money off of tourists who pass by on their way to the beach. Wait, would you seriously do that? Dude, I’d owe you one if you actually brought me food. I’m gonna die of starvation before my shift is even over.

I find that clever and hilarious. Grunkle just sounds funny. Though, I guess that’s pretty cool. I don’t have a great uncle, but if I did, I hope you wouldn’t mind me stealing that word. That’s pretty smart, actually. I’m pretty new here so, now I know to stay away from a place called The Mystery Shack where a boy who flunked Algebra 2 twice. Thanks for the tip! Oh, um, yeah! Of course I would. I don’t have any other plans for the day; plus being nice makes me feel nice. Fine, then it’s official, you owe me one. I’ll be back in a little with a chalupa and a Baja Blast freeze? How does that sound, stranger?

I’d love to go with the girl who judged me for failing Algebra 2 twice, but my Grunkle Stan has me working at the Mystery Shack for, like, the entire day.

I have three questions. One: what is a Grunkle Stan; two: what is the Mystery Shack and three: does this mean I’ll have to buy you food and drop it off just stop your mouth from watering or? I mean, I’d gladly stop by Taco Bell for a working individual.

I’m more of a chalupa kinda guy, but I’m definitely down to get a baja blast freeze. Oh god, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

A could go for a chalupa, those were always my favorite. But, wow, seven-layer burritos are a close second. Well, then come get one with me, Twitter Boy.

Well sure thing sugar. I got nothing else Iam doing.

I do love Taco Bell

Ooh! Does this mean you’ll take me?