welcome to my brain🥀

Since the day Matty found out about your feelings for him, you've been spending every single night at his place. Despite being best friends for so many years, you both decided to take things slow. It was your idea to keep the relationship private for a little while—not just in public or on social media, but also to wait a few weeks before letting your friends know, just to see if things work out well. Though Matty agreed, he still struggled to keep his hands off of you in public. He wanted everyone to know that you're his and his alone.

After a few weeks, the whole hiding game became more and more unbearable for Matty. He was sick of only kissing you at home and not being able to hold your hand outside on the streets. However, what he didn't notice was that you quickly found a way to take advantage from his suffering. You loved it when he gave you the 'bad girl treatment', showing you that you're all his and belong to no other than him, so you always tried your best to tease him in public, making him suffer by wearing tight, short dresses or skirts, withdrawing his touch to be the baddest girl you could be.

It was your mom's 60th birthday today, so she was throwing a huge garden party, inviting all of her friends, colleagues and loads of people you've never seen before.

"Can you please come with me to the party, babe?" you asked Matty while he was pouring some freshly brewed coffee into your cup. "It's gonna be so boring, sitting around with all those people I don't even know."

"Course I'll come with you!" he answered, setting the coffee pot back on the table. "I think your mom wouldn't mind, would she?"

"No, definitely not!" you chuckled. "She loves you."

"Hmm, I know. Who doesn't?" he grinned, placing a quick kiss on your cheek.

----------------

afternoon

You were still standing in front of the bathroom mirror, putting your makeup on, as Matty appeared behind you, already dressed up for the party in his irresistible business dad attire, setting your pulse racing with every glance.

"Ready, baby?" he asked, casually leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed as he watched you applying the second layer of your mascara.

"Yep, almost done."

His eyes swept over your figure, lingering on the contours of your dress. It was a mini dress, dark blue, covered with lace and boasting a plunging neckline. He raised an eyebrow as he asked "Uhm... are you sure you want to wear that?"

"Why?" you feigned innocence, though you knew he was concerned about the shortness of your dress. Of course, you chose a cheeky dress again, considering today's party as a great opportunity to stir a bit of jealousy in your boyfriend. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you gave him an innocent look. "Don't you like it?"

He took a few steps forward, enveloping you in a hug from behind, his eyes fixed on your reflection in the mirror. His warm breath against your cheek weakened your knees, igniting a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. "No... I love it," he said with a smile. "But don't you think it's a bit too... revealing?"

"Oh," you continued to play innocent. "You think it's too short?"

"Hmm..," Matty hummed, softly kissing your neck. "Don't want the others gawking at you when I can't even show them you're mine."

His words brought a smile to your face. Though it wasn't easy for you to tease him when he showered you with so much cuteness and affection, it always seemed to pay off in the end.

"But you know that I'm only yours, Matty," you replied, turning around to kiss him while still wrapped in his loving embrace. "And I know it, too."

He loosened his hold on your waist to cup your face with his hands, gazing deep into your eyes." But I want everyone to know."

"I know, babe," you said, taking his hands in yours and placing a soft kiss on the back of his fingers. "We'll tell them soon, okay?"

Not entirely satisfied with your response, he tilted his head to the side and sighed. "Okay..."

"Come on, let's go. We're already late."

------------

When you arrived at your mom's party, about 30 minutes too late, the house was already filled with plenty of people. You soon spotted your mom in the crowd outside in the garden.

"Hello, darling!" she greeted you with a hug. "You didn't tell me you would bring Matty."

"Hello, Mrs, y/l/n", he said as he handed her a giant bouquet of flowers. "Happy Birthday!"

"Oh thank you so much, Matty!" she said, smiling happily as she pulled him into a hug. "It's wonderful to see you. Haven't seen you in a while, huh?" Her eyes darted down to his outfit, analyzing it momentarily. "Damn, you're looking good!"

"Aw, thanks!", he beamed. "But you're looking awesome, too!"

"But... you look different, somehow." she said.

"Different? What do you mean?", Matty asked, looking down on himself.

"You mean like a..." you paused and grinned at Matty "Dad?"

"Yes... Now that you say it", your mom answered.

You couldn't stop yourself from laughing, covering up your mouth with the back of your hand as your mom gave you a slightly confused look.

"Did I miss anything, Matty?" she asked him

Matty chuckled "Nah, I'm just... getting older, you know? Can't dress like a teenager anymore"

Resisting the urge to kiss his adorable face was a constant struggle for you. Phantasies about his loving touches and tender kisses filled your thoughts, consuming you completely as he stood there with the cutest smile on his face.

To distract yourself from your own mind, you decided to take part in their conversation, "He's trying to look like a dilf, mom. It's his new aesthetic, you know?"

You cheekily grinned up at him, trying to resist the temptation to glance down at his hands. The watch he wore accentuated his irresistible guitar hands, which your body craved desperately at any given moment of the day. Though you tried your best to resist the urge to look at his hands, you couldn't shake the flood of weakness that overtook your mind. Eventually, you gave in to the desire to glance down at his hands. As your eyes drifted back up to his face, he gave you a playful wink, signaling that he had noticed your gaze. He enjoyed the fact that you were daydreaming about his fingers inside you, and catching you staring at them only intensified his longing for you immeasurably.

"Like a dilf? What is that?", your mom interrupted your daydream, causing you and Matty to burst into laughter.

"Nevermind" you both exclaimed in unison, still chortling.

After the three of you enjoyed a pleasant chat for a few more minutes, your mom began steering the conversation in a direction that didn't sit well with you.

"But what about you, Matty?" she asked. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Uhm..." He gave you a quick glimpse and even though he wanted to tell her the truth, he didn't want to say anything you weren't yet ready for, so he continued "No. Haven't found the right one yet, I suppose."

To avoid any more awkward questions, you tried bringing the conversation to an end. "Matty, could you get us some drinks, please?"

"Sure, love," he smiled. "I'll be right back."

Matty was already out of sight, fortunately, as your mom continued "I know you said you wanted to take a break from dating, but..."

"Mom, stop...", you sighed, already aware of her intentions.

"No, listen," she turned around, gesturing towards a man, a few feet away. "This is Tom, my colleague. Handsome, isn't he?"

"Nope, I don't think so."

"Tom!", she called out. "Could you join us for a second?"

"No, mom... please". You nervously fiddled on your phone case, already dreading Matty's inevitable reaction and though it was actually your plan to stir a bit of jealousy, a sinking feeling in your gut warned you that things might escalate beyond your intentions.

"Hi!" Tom greeted you, as he stepped closer.

"Have fun", she wispered into your ear excitedly, leaving you standing there alone in front of her younger colleague.

"Hi, Tom...", you didn't want to be rude, so you forced yourself to form a nice smile whilst still being afraid of Matty's return.

"Nice to meet you", he greeted warmly, his smile reaching his eyes. "I've already heard so much about you."

"Really? Well, that's interesting... I guess," you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, as anxiousness ran through your blood, making you feel more and more uncomfortable. "Uhm.. I don't know what my mother told you, but I'm actually waiting for my..."

"Boyfriend," Matty cut you off, suddenly appearing next to you, holding a drink in each of his hand. His grip firm around the cups, "She was waiting for her boyfriend."

"Matty, I'm sorry...," you whispered as you gently placed your hand on his chest, somehow hoping this would be enough to calm him.

"Could you hold that for a sec, mate?" Matty snapped at Tom, thrusting the two drinks into his hands.

You could see Matty's jaw clenching as he moved, his hand reaching out for your wrist, grabbing it tightly, and dragging you away from Tom. He didn't even care that his rapid pace, too fast for you to follow, nearly caused you to stumble over your heels as he led you back inside the house. After flinging open the bathroom door, he shoved you inside before quickly closing it again with his foot. Roughly bending you over the sink, he seized your hair and yanked your head back, compelling you to confront your reflection in the mirror.

"I'm fuckin' sick of your stupid little game!", he hissed as his eyes lit up with a mixture of frustration and desire. He knew you were playing with him and deep down, despite the fact that it was driving him insane, he enjoyed it. He knew that your only intention behind all this was to receive a rough finger fuck from him, and that you liked being treated like a bad girl, even though you never actually told him. It wasn't even necessary anymore at this point - your actions showed him everything he needed to know.

"Matty, I.."

"Shut up!", he spat, pulling your hair even tighter. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"I didn't do anything"

"Stop lying!"

"Matty, please..." you pleaded. "It was my mom's idea."

"Oh... yeah, of course...", another rough pull on your hair caused you to moan in pain. "Stupid excuses!"

"Believe me."

"You're doing it all the time", he said, looking at your reflection in the mirror. "Trying to make me jealous. Why do you keep doing it, huh?"

"Babe...I...", hearing you stutter again made him even more furious.

"And don't you dare lie to me again! I know what you're up to"

"Then why are you asking me, if you already know it?"

"I wanna hear you say it."

You gulped, trying to adjust your head in a position that hurt less under his tight grip.

"You don't have to be ashamed of saying it out loud, baby." He placed a soft peck on your cheek before whispering in your ear "We both know you're not as innocent as you always pretend to be"

"I don't know what you mean," you answered, maintaining your innocent facade to tease him just a little bit more over the edge.

"Bet you do, but let's see if I can help you out with that, yeah?" He released your hair and slid his hand down your neck until his fingers reached your collarbone. Your breathing became heavier as he let his fingers glide along its curve. "Tell me what's on your mind, babe"

"Please, Matty..." you begged, your voice already shaking. His warm breath, his touch and the sight of his fingers gliding over your chest caused goosebumps all over your body. You were craving him so much, your stomach felt sick and your thighs started shaking. You knew you needed him. Now.

As he noticed your trembling legs, his lips grew into a proud, mischievous smile "Needy slut," His fingers trailed down gradually to the hem of your dress. With a sudden, harsh movement he pulled the fabric up above your hips "But you know whose slut you are, don't you baby?" His face was resting on your head, breathing in the fresh smell of your now tousled hair while his hand was tenderly massaging your inner thigh.

"You're already dripping" he said softly. "But if you want my fingers, you should be a good girl and answer my questions, okay?" and with that he gave your thigh a firm squeeze, causing a loud moan from you. The house was full of people, who could hear you, but Matty didn't care at all. In fact, he actually wanted everyone to hear you scream his name, so he could finally show the whole world who you belonged to.

"Hmm," you could only hum a small response.

"Words..."

"Matty, please..."

"Answer my question," he demanded, still massaging your thigh.

"Which question?" you asked impatiently, as you sought for his hand to guide it further towards your core, but he stopped you before you even reached his hand.

"Don't even try, darling! Tell me whose slut you are."

"Yours, babe" you muttered. "Only yours"

"That's right, you're mine. And you know that, yeah?"

"Yes..."

"Then why did you flirt with that other bloke outside, hm?" he hissed.

"I didn't"

"I told you only good girls deserve my fingers, remember?"

"But..."

"No baby. You've been a bad girl today." he stopped massaging your leg "Such a bad, bad girl" and with those words he ripped down your panty, his calloused fingers sliding between your wet folds before he pushed two of them inside you, causing you to moan loudly at the relief you were craving so desperately. "You like that, hm?"

You rolled back your eyes as your vision turned black, flickering stars appearing in the darkness of your sinful desire. After a single deep thrust he pulled his fingers out, taking a step back from you.

You instantly turned around to face him. "No, Matty please...I need your fingers, please. I'll be good. I promise", you begged.

"Pull your dress down and fix your hair," he said with a cold undertone, his eyes turning dark and suddenly cooling the heated atmosphere.

You gulped at his sudden mood switch, already missing his loving touch on your skin and inside you. A flush of sadness overcame your shivering body as you couldn't discern whether this was part of the game or if he was genuinely mad at you.

He fixed the collar of his shirt, fumbling at the buttons as your hands frantically sought for his, but he rejected your touch. "Matty, I'm sorry."

He placed his hands on your hips, gently adjusting the fabric of your dress as he pushed it down. You closed your eyes, feeling his lips brush against your ear as he drew nearer. "You wanted the bad girl treatment?", he whispered in your ear, his voice still cold and distant. "Now you'll have to deal with it, darling."

You breathed out a disappointed sigh, resting your head against his chest. He stroked his hand softly through your hair, as he mumbled against the top of your head "and now you fix your hair, we go outside and you're gonna be my good girl, okay?"

"Okay", you nodded needily. "What do you want me to do?"

"Tell your mom about us"

"That's all?" your cheeky smile was back as you looked up at him, batting your eye lashes. "That's what it takes to earn Matty Healy's fingers?"

"Hmm... not exactly," he said, now hugging you tightly. "I'm gonna hold your hand, kiss you and touch you in front of everyone and there's nothing you can do about it. I want them to see that you're mine. And that no one else can have you."

"I've been wanting that too, Matty. Since we got together. You make me so happy," you explained, reaching for his hands again. Instead of pulling away, he intertwined his fingers with yours, pressing soft kisses along your knuckles. "But maybe I'll have to admit that I enjoyed seeing you jealous and possessive," you added, giving him a shy, apologetical smile. "And I loved the way you fucked me afterwards, when we were alone."

He grinned at your words "I know. But you could've just told me"

"Yes, I'm sorry." The touch of his graceful hands filled you with anticipation as you couldn't wait for the reward you would receive later. "But do I really have to wait until later?"

"Yes," he said firmly. "You need to prove me you're a good girl first."

You sighed at his words.

"And don't you dare try to make me jealous on purpose ever again," he added, raising his finger as he pulled away. "I swear if you do that..."

"Then what?", you smirked playfully.

"You better pray you'll never find out"

For a beat, you locked gazes, wide smiles spreading across your faces, both of you excited for the next chapter in your relationship. You were ready to step into the light, to proudly show the whole world who you belonged to.

"I love you", he whispered before landing a sweet kiss to your forehead.

August 2012

Dear Diary, I wish I were stronger. I wish I could beat this illness, but I just can't. Every time I try to recover, I fail. I've been doing so well in the last few months, but it's always the same. As soon as I'm doing better I mess it up again. Why do I keep lying to myself? "I'm in control." "Just one more day." "I can stop if I want to." But I never do. A day turns into a week, and suddenly weeks have passed, and I can't control it anymore.

----------------

Y/n sat in her living room, having some dinner while watching the news. As she glanced at her phone, she noticed an incoming call from an unknown number.

After considering it for a moment, Y/n became curious, so she decided to answer. "Hello?"

"Y/n?", a male, familiar voice asked.

"Matty?", she asked slightly confused, immediately recognizing the man on the phone.

"Surprised?"

"Uhm... yeah, kind of, I guess. Haven't heard anything from you in ages. How've you been?"

Matty and Y/N have known each other from school. After they graduated a few years ago, they sometimes still bumped into each other in town, enjoying a nice chat and updating each other about their busy, somewhat messy adult lives. Though their paths seemed to cross every once in a while, they never really tried to stay in touch.

"Great, actually," he answered. "George and I got a bit bored, so I was wondering if maybe you wanna hang out with us?"

"Hang out with you?"

"Yeah, we'd pick you up."

"Okay, let me get this straight," the girl stated. "You and George got bored..."

"Yep."

"and out of all the things you could do, you chose to ask me if I want to hang out with you?"

"Now what's wrong with that?" Matty asked, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, to call someone you have never called before, asking them to hang out on a casual Thursday.

"Well, I don't kn... Wait! Where did you get my number from?"

"Doesn't really matter, does it?"

"It does matter somehow."

Suddenly, the sound of a car horn made Y/N jump.

"Nah. We're here by the way. You're coming?"

"Matty! It's 9:30; I'm already in my pajamas!" she exclaimed.

Matty laughed. "I don't care what you're wearing."

"And who even gave you my address?"

"Just get your ass out here!" he snickered into the phone. "Now!"

"You're insufferable!"

"Yeah, I know," he shrugged it off with a smirk.

"Give me at least a sec to put some clothes on." Not waiting for an answer, she hung up. Despite her confusion about Matty's suspicious call, she changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie, quickly grabbing her jacket and keys as she went downstairs to leave the house.

Matty sat on the passenger seat of George's car, his arm casually dangling out of the open window. "Hi, Y/n!" he greeted her with a big smile on his face, causing y/n's bewilderment to grow.

"Hi, Y/n!" George called from the drivers seat.

"Hi...", she hesitantly answered, shyly waving her hand toward his direction.

"Come on, get inside!" Matty said excitedly.

"Matty, I still don't kn..."

"Sshhh!" he cut her off, pressing his index finger on his lips. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Y/n opened the door and placed herself on the backseat, putting on her seatbelt as George started the engine, ready to drive off.

"How are you Y/n?" Matty asked.

"Uhm.. fine, I guess. Bit tired. I have work tomorrow."

"Are you still working as a nurse, Y/n?" George asked.

"Yes, I am. How's your music thing going?"

"Absolutely amazing", Matty answered immediately. "We're currently working on our first album. It's gonna be a fuckin' banger, isn't it George?"

"Oh, definitely!", George added.

"That's cool. I'm so happy for you guys. Can't wait to hear it," Y/n grinned.

"You're gonna be the first to hear it when it's done.", Matty beamed.

George shook his head, trying to hide a chuckle as he glanced over to the overly excited Matty. "What?" Matty reacted.

"Nevermind," George now laughed.

Matty shook his curls out of his face. "Idiot."

"Where are we driving?" Y/n asked as she slowly got more comfortable in the presence of her old classmates.

"I don't know," both Matty and George stated in unison, looking at each other as neither of them had a clue about their destination.

"Maybe we can park the car over there," Matty pointed towards and empty parking space he randomly saw.

-------------------------

After George parked the car, Matty quickly left the car to open the door for Y/N.

Their gaze locked for a moment, as she looked up at him from her seat "Uhm.. thank you," she chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're welcome," he waved it off. "Don't mention it."

George rolled his eyes at Matty's silly behaviour. "Ouch!" he squeaked, as Matty stabbed him with his elbow.

"Ah look! A church," Matty stated as the three of them were heading towards one of the city's churches. "Quite stunning, isn't it?"

"It's just a church, mate," George raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

"Shall we sit down on that bench over there? Hope I won't go up in flames. Wouldn't that be fun, huh?" Matty asked.

A slight chuckle left Y/n lips, as she realized that going outside with Matty and George wasn't as bad as she expected. She was actually glad that she picked up that call. A little bit of distraction from her mind and her self-destructive thoughts had been long overdue.

"Do you smoke, Y/n?"

"Nah, it's disgusting."

George threw his head back in heavy laughter before patting Matty's shoulder, who looked at him in his usual clumsy way.

"What is it with you today, George?" Matty asked, shaking his head. "You're acting kinda weird."

"Me? No idea what you're talking about," he kept on laughing.

Y/n was still standing in front on the bench, while only the two boys were sitting.

"Anyway," Matty looked away from George, turning his face toward Y/n. "You know you can actually sit down here beside me." Matty said as his curls were dangling in his eyes again. He pushed them aside with his hand as he continued, "We don't bite, you know?"

"Well, I certainly won't," George still couldn't get over whatever he was laughing about. "But I wouldn't be so sure about Matty."

Matty kicked his foot against George's. "I'm sorry about him. He's usually not like that."

"It's okay, I'd rather keep standing. I just wish I knew what he's laughing about, so I could join in," the blonde girl chuckled.

"No, I think it'd best if he kept it to himself", Matty said with a pointed look at George, his tone firm, implying he should refrain from sharing the source of his amusement. "... wouldn't it, George?"

"Ookayy... this is... weird," Y/n said while observing the two musicians, trying to figure out what was going on.

Matty knew why George was enjoying himself this much, but he didn't want anyone else to know, especially not Y/n. He instantly started to regret that he had told his long kept secret to his best friend earlier that day, since George was on his best way of ruining Matty's well-thought-out plan.

George cleared his throat as he finally pulled himself back together. "Mh, mh...," he hummed. After lighting his own fag he handed the lighter over to Matty so he could light his.

Y/N watched as he blew the smoke out, which slowly meandered all over his face before evaporating into the cold, dark night. As he slowly opened up his eyes, their glances met for a second but she looked down at her feet immediately, to avoid having any more eye contact.

"I kinda miss going to school with you guys," Matty informed them. "Do you miss it too sometimes?"

"Nah, certainly not," George answered, but Matty's eyes were fixed on Y/n.

"Yeah, I do," Y/n chuckled. "Do you know who I miss the most?"

"No, who?" Matty asked, before he quickly added "Ah, no, wait! I know it!"

Y/n raised her eyebrow, waiting for his answer.

"It's me!"

George and Y/n looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh damn, Matty. I wish I had an ego as big as yours," Y/n snickered.

"Yeah, well... okay. Who is it then?", Matty shrugged.

"It's Mr. Miller. I kinda miss his bad jokes"

"Haha, yeah, he was such a pervert, though."

"Yeah, I know. That's what made it so funny," she answered.

"I mean, he was only that funny because his jokes were so bad. Ridiculous." George added, slightly chuckling under his breath.

"Wait... doesn't he live over there?" The girl turned around, pointing towards a house across the street from the church.

"Uhm..," Matty thought for a moment before he continued "Yes! He does! He told us about the annoying chimes of the bell tower right in front of his house, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did. Wow, that's amazing. Come on, let's see if he's home," not even waiting for a response, she started to make her way across the street to Mr. Miller's house.

"Y/n!" Matty whisper-screamed, "Are you insane? It's half 10. He's probably in bed already, shagging his wife or something."

George laughed at Matty's words. "I'm in. This is fun. Come on Matty. Don't be such a wimp." He stood up from the bench they were sitting on, walking over to Y/n.

Matty was still sitting on the bench, his arms crossed in front of his chest like a little kid left behind by his parents.

"Matty!" Y/n turned around to call him once again. "Get your ass up!"

Matty rolled his eyes before he got up, slowly strolling over the street to where is friends stood.

"Who's gonna ring the doorbell?" George asked, looking at Matty, who immediately responded in denial. "Don't look at me like that! I won't do it."

"And you want to call yourself a man? Pathetic." Y/n snapped in annoyance.

Surprised but kind of impressed by her answer, the two boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"I'll do it then," y/n informed them before she rang the doorbell at Mr. Miller's front door.

After waiting for a few seconds with no answer, she decided to ring the bell again.

"I think no one's home.", George said.

"I told you he's under his wife!", Matty stated.

Y/n chuckled as she looked at Matty to respond "Yeah Matty, you might be right. Let's leave then."

"I'm always right. Don't know why no one's ever listening to me," he said as they walked back to their bench across the street.

Now it was only George who sat down again, while Y/n and Matty stood in front of the bench.

"Imagine..," y/n started as she turned around to face Matty "like what if they were really in there..."

"They were!" Matty interrupted her. "Believe me."

They both chuckled in unison at their silly and dirty imagination. As Matty sought eye contact again, she tried to cover up her mouth with her hand, feeling a bit insecure. This time, she didn't look away but locked her gaze with his, looking up at the curly-haired man. Suddenly, something seemed to click in her. The sound of his laughter touched her soul like rays of sunshine, covered in sweet melodies. Like the myelin sheath of axons, allowing them to reach her ears even faster than the speed of light. She didn't yet know that this exact moment would change her life forever. That this exact moment was the start of a series of memories she would never get rid of. She didn't yet know that if a magical creature offered her to relive one day of her life, she would unhesitatingly choose this one.

If she had known all this, she probably would have held onto this moment longer. Maybe her question would have been something like 'Can we stay a bit longer?' or 'Can we make this night last forever?'

But instead, she said "Can we go home now? I'm kinda freezing, and I have to get up very early tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure thing," Matty said. And even though he wanted this rather intimate moment between the two of them to last forever or at least a little bit longer, he slowly loosened his gaze from hers. "George? Come on, off we go."

George stood up, and they slowly walked back to the car, neither of them saying a word. It seemed as if something magical lingered in the air. George had noticed that something had happened between Y/N and his best friend — something that changed the entire atmosphere around them, adorning it with a sweet, metaphorical scent.

🖤[poem 1]🖤

As Matty was about to open the car door, Y/n stopped him. "Look! There's a firefly!"

"Where?" Matty asked, wildly looking around.

"Right there, in your hair," she pointed up to his messy curls. "Wait, don't move." She carefully reached out her finger to his hair, trying to let the little firefly crawl onto it.

"It's so cute, isn't it?" she asked, showing him the insect on her finger.

"It is. I've never actually seen one before. Have you?" he asked while admiring the glowing creature on Y/n's finger.

"No, I haven't."

"Look, there's another one," Matty stated as he pointed his finger in the air next to Y/n's face.

Just a few seconds later, they found themselves surrounded by hundreds of fireflies, their gentle glow illuminating the dark night around them.

George was already sitting in the car as he rolled down the window, curious why his friends were still standing outside of the car. "What's going on out there?" he asked.

Done admiring the fireflies, Y/n and Matty got in the car. "Man, you missed out on something. About a million fireflies were out there!" Matty exaggerated.

"Oh really? I see them all the time in my garden," George answered casually as he started driving.

"You must be kidding!" Matty stated in surprise.

"No, like literally almost every single night!" he laughed and kept on driving towards Y/n's house to drop her off.

🖤[poem 2]🖤

🖤[poem 3]🖤

--------------------

When George stopped the car in front of Y/n's house, she unbuckled her seatbelt, getting ready to leave the car.

"So, uhm... it was nice to hang out with you, guys," Y/n said.

"Yeah..." Matty started before he was cut off by George.

"Yeah, Y/n. I'm pretty sure Matty liked it too," George teased, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Thank you, George," Matty rolled his eyes at him. "But I think I can speak for myself, can't I? I'm a big boy, I suppose." He turned around to face Y/n in the backseat. "So, yeah. I loved it. It was fun. Maybe we can hang out again at the weekend?"

"Yes, I'd love that," she shyly smiled in response.

"Great."

"Okay. Well, goodnight then," she said, opening the door to get out of the car. "See ya, guys!"

"Bye, Y/n!" George waved.

"See ya!" Matty called out of the open window as she was already out of the car, opening her front door, waving goodbye with a smile on her face.

After she disappeared into the house, Matty immediately turned around, confronting George. "You fuckin' idiot!"

"What? What have I done now?" George laughed.

"George, I'm telling you...," Matty warned him. "If you ruin this..."

"I won't ruin anything, mate. I think you need to settle down a bit. Tonight went quite well, didn't it?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I think so," Matty looked outside the window, his tired head resting on his hand, his mind replaying the evening's events like scenes from a movie...

_____________

"I can't do this anymore!", you gasped as your best friend Matty opened the door.

You walked in quickly as he opened his mouth, to greet you, but you cut him off before he could say anything, leaving him standing in the doorway, staring at you in surprise.

"I will never date anyone ever again!", you turned around, looking at a very confused Matty who was still holding the doorknob in his hands.

You pointed your index finger in the air to emphasize your words, "And this time I really mean it, so don't you dare laughing!", you frowned furiously in his direction, in a way that Matty finds terribly cute. It's a facial expression you often make when you're mad and Matty can't ever hide his little smirk when he sees you like that. But this usually makes you even angrier, which Matty doesn't mind because, obviously, he loves it.

Sometimes he even teases you a little bit to see that fuming, adorable glance of yours. But he always chooses his words carefully to make sure he doesn't hurt you with anything he says.

You threw your black bag in the corner before plopping down on the couch in his living room, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Still frowning, you focused your eyes on the floor in front of you.

He closed the door and slowly made his way over to the couch. His hair was messy and a few strands of his curls hung over his forehead. He looked a bit drowsy, like he'd just woken up from a nap.

"Well... hello, love.", it was finally his turn to speak. His voice sounded low and sleepy.

He rubbed his left eye, before placing the palm of his hand on his cheek, "It's nice to see you...", he continued.

You didn't say anything.

He sat down beside you, admiring you with a big smirk on his face. Suddenly, he seemed less and less tired. You could literally see the sleepiness leaving his body as his smirk grew wider and wider. In his head, he counted down the seconds, well aware that his silly smile was going to drive you nuts in less than five seconds. One, two, three, four...

"What?" you spat at him, turning your head to your right to face him. "Can you please stop doing that?" you asked, finally relaxing the muscles of your forehead.

"Doing what?" he giggled back at you. The "what" sounded more like a "wha". You've always had a weakness for his strong British accent. Hearing Matty talk gave you a weird feeling inside your lower belly, a feeling you've been trying to ignore ever since you first noticed it.

Matty and you had been best friends since year 9. You met him on your first day of school, just a few days after you and your family had moved from New York to Manchester. After the teacher introduced you to the class, Matty offered to give you a tour of the school. You were extremely grateful to have such a friendly classmate as Matty, and the fear of spending every break alone promptly vanished as he never left your side during breaks, welcoming you into his circle of friends.

You must admit you found him attractive, and he became even more appealing over the years. But he never made any moves that could suggest he wanted more than friendship, so you kept convincing yourself that this wasn't what you wanted either. You somewhat accustomed yourself to the idea of never getting closer to him, which made it easier to live with your hidden feelings. It has been ten years now, and sometimes you were so adept at denying your feelings that you even started to believe the lies you told yourself. In the meantime, you also had a few boyfriends and situationships where you completely forgot about your feelings for Matty due to being preoccupied.

Sadly, each of your relationships turned out to be exceedingly toxic, which made it difficult for you to focus on anything else. You constantly worried about not being enough or being too much. Days without arguments and tears were extremely rare, but Matty was always there for you.

"Oh come on, you know what I mean"

He was about to say something again, but you didn't let him.

"Looking at me like that when I'm mad. It's not funny, Matty! This is a serious situation!"

"A serious situation? Oh, okay. Well, you already said that a few weeks ago, when you came home from your date with that other bloke... Wait, what was his name again?", he paused for a moment as he touched his chin, looking up at the ceiling, pretending to think. After two seconds he gave up, because he really didn't remember the boy's name.

About 10 months ago, your boyfriend of two years broke up with you. It was a tough time for you, but Matty had been incredibly supportive. He let you sleep at his place on nights when you didn't want to be alone, which was almost every night for about a month and a half after the breakup. You cried a lot, and your best friend held you throughout the entire night, calming you down and making sure you had someone to talk to. The two of you shared a few restless nights during which neither of you got much sleep. However, cuddling was nothing new or special since you've been doing this ever since you became close friends. Matty has always craved cuddles from you, especially during movie nights or casual hangouts. You didn't read too much into it, presuming it's a normal thing best mates tend to do, but little did you know that he's been hiding his feelings as well...

When you eventually started to feel a bit better, Matty encouraged you to download some dating apps because he said something like 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.' That's also how the singer tried to get over his crush on you. He hooked up with numerous girls over the past years, desperately trying to feel something similar to the affection he feels in your presence, yet each trial remained unsuccessful.

You decided to give his advice a shot, and it was actually an excellent way to distract yourself from your aching heart. Though you didn't have much luck with your dates, you were at least able to get over your ridiculous ex.

"Anyway," he shrugged, "It doesn't matter."

"I don't remember his name either," you said dryly, still not averting your gaze from his face. Matty immediately turned his head to the left, now looking into your eyes as both of you burst into heavy, heartfelt laughter.

"Come here, darling..." he laughed, raising his left arm to pull you into a lovingly sweet hug.

He loved having you around and spending intimate and funny moments like this one with you. Seeing you heartbroken and sad broke his heart into a million little pieces. Lately, he's been struggling a lot with his self-control, not knowing how much longer he'll be able to keep his longing feelings for you a secret.

As you lay in his embrace, head resting on his soft, comfy chest, he snuggled his nose into your freshly washed hair, which smelled like a huge field of spring flowers.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" he mumbled against your head.

You were now completely relaxed, feeling happy in the lovely arms of your friend. "The date was horrible," you laughed, starting to tell your story. "We met up for dinner, and he was talking about himself the whole time! How he goes to the gym every single day... and it was just gym, gym, gym... and then he asked me if I did any sports, and I said no, and then he was talking some kind of bullshit again... but I wasn't even listening anymore at this point," you tittered before continuing, "Then I wanted to order some ice cream for dessert, and then he told me how unhealthy sugar was..." you couldn't stop yourself from laughing.

"No, really?" Matty laughed, still holding you tight. "What did you say then?"

"Nothing. I just grabbed my bag and left."

Matty threw his head back, roaring in laughter. "This is my girl. I'm proud of you," he breathed heavily. "I have ice cream in the freezer. You want some?"

You immediately jumped up at his words. "Yes! Please!"

He got up from the couch, preparing you a bowl of ice cream in the kitchen.

He strolled back to the living room, carrying the cold bowl in his hands. You found yourself lost in your thoughts, admiring his large, delicate fingers. You called them guitar hands, since you've seen plenty of other guitarists having these kinds of hands, but Matty's have been your favourite. The mere thought of his agile fingers touching your neck or thighs caused shivers, leaving your whole body covered with goosebumps. In your dreams, you imagined them slowly unbuttoning your jeans, gently sliding into your panties to...

You briefly shook your head, forcing the end of this forbidden daydream, after staring at Matty like you've just seen a ghost.

"Are you alright?" he questioned, throwing a rather puzzled glance at you.

"Hm...what?" you uttered, shaking your head once again. "Yeah, yes, I'm fine. I was just... nevermind," a slight chuckle left your lips, masking the huge amount of shame you felt.

"Honestly, why was I even mad?" you snickered, trying to change the topic as he handed you your much-needed dessert. "This is just so hilarious. But anyway, I meant what I said earlier. I won't go on any more dates," you licked the spoon delightfully, "I'm done. From now on, I'm going to enjoy my single era alone."

For a very brief moment, a smutty thought crossed Matty's mind as he saw your tongue gliding over the back of the spoon you held in your small, soft hand. He pushed the thought away quickly.

"Whatever makes you happy, love. I'm just glad you're finally over your ex. You were too good for him. You deserve so much more than that," he declared, fantasizing about being the man by your side, knowing you well enough to meet all your unique needs.

"Yes, I know. I don't know what I saw in him," you agreed. "But let's just forget about it, please."

He smiled, pulling you into his arms to place a peck on the side of your head. The Netflix logo popped up on the big flat screen in front of you as Matty turned on the TV. "You wanna stay with me tonight?" he asked his best friend needily, in a romantic, cuddly mood. It had been a long time since your last sleepover, and he was desperate to have you near.

Your right cheek was already pressed against Matty's chest as you were sleepily nestled in his hug, mumbling your answer "Guess you already took that decision for me, didn't you?"

"Yep," he stated, resting his head on yours. Though he couldn't imagine anything better than lying there with the one person he loved, his gracious smile was tinged with melancholy, as he couldn't shake the doubt that you would never reciprocate the depth of his feelings.

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You found yourself waking up alone in the soft embrace of Matty's bed, the night still cloaking the world outside. With a sleepy sigh, you shifted beneath the covers to get up. The door stood slightly ajar and the enchanting sound of a guitar drifted into the moonlit room.

You opened the door, following the echoing noise of music that came from the living room. Matty was sat on the couch with a guitar on his lap, wearing his blue nike sweater. His messy curls tangled all over his forehead, making him look so effortlessly handsome in the gloomy warm light of the fairy lights hanging from the bookshelf.

He was so deeply focused in playing, he didn't even notice you already stood in the living room. Seizing the moment, you took the opportunity to observe him, particularly captivated by the way his hands deftly fingered the chords on the guitar, moving with such grace as if they were dancing in silent harmony with the music.

He looked up to see you standing in front of him, adoring your dozy appearence as he stopped strumming the strings of the guitar.

"Morning, sleepyhead", he greeted you in the usual flirtatious way. "I couldn't sleep. Wanted to work a bit on that new song. Was it too loud?"

"No, it's fine. It sounds good. Can I listen?"

"Course you can. Sit down", he demanded with a grin on his face as he continued playing.

You loved the sound of Matty's new song and even though you tried your best to concentrate on the rythm of the music, you couldn't help yourself from staring at his hands again. The way his fingers nimbly glided over the fretboard, made you think about all the other things these supple hands could do to you. A sinking feeling of guiltful embarassement was spreading inside your stomach. You hated having these lustrous thoughts while sitting in front your best friend.

While you were still submerged in your shameful thoughts, Matty slowly emerged from the trance he typically falls into when he plays the guitar. His gaze drifted over to you, curious about what you were thinking about the new piece. He observed you for a moment until he realized you were absentmindedly fixated on his left hand.

Recalling a similar situation from earlier that day, he recognized the same expression on your face as when he had brought you the bowl of ice cream.

He stopped playing, causing you to look at his eyes as your consciousness returned. "Is anything wrong with my hands?"

"What? No, why?", you raised an eyebrow, snickering nervously. "What could be wrong with your hands?"

"You've been staring at my hands again!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. When did I stare at your hands?"

"Well, just now? And earlier when I gave you the ice-cream?"

"I haven't!"

"You have! And it's not the first time I caught you doing that..."

"I was just wondering which chords you used", you declared, visibly annoyed.

"You're such a bad liar."

"No, it's true!", you tried to defend yourself.

"Ah, so you were staring? "

"I wasn't!", your voice grew louder and louder. You weren't angry at him but at yourself for not being careful enough. What if he finds out about the feelings you'd been trying so hard to hide all these years? What if your friendship ended right now, right here, in this night? The enormous weight of fear and sadness settled like a lump in your throat, making it hard to swallow. You had to swallow though, since you already felt tears coming up that needed to be hidden at all cost. It was impossible for you to gulp without making a noise as the lump of woe was already way too big to be swallowed in secret.

"Gaslighting...", Matty teased in a lighthearted manner instead of being serious or mad. He knew he was right, especially now that you seemed so offended by his question.

"Okay, that's enough. I'll go home", without hesitation you bolted upright from the couch.

Matty immediately reacted by grabbing your wrist with his right hand, while still seated on the couch, holding the neck of the guitar with his left one. You turned around to face him as he was looking deep inside of your eyes. Contrary to your expectation he was still far from being furious. You caught a glimpse of him still holding the D chord as your eyes darted around. His thumb rested on the e string, tightly gripping the guitar's neck.

"It's quarter past midnight. You're not going anywhere", he stated with a slight chuckle, his playful demeanor both infuriating and comforting you. He endeavored to soothe your frayed nerves, but his touch and gaze left you feeling uncomfortably giddy, leaving you unable to think straight. You swallowed hard, meeting his piercing stare.

As Matty's intense gaze locked onto yours, he felt the floodgates of longing burst open within him. No longer did he bother to conceal his desire.

'Now or never', he thought to himself, 'do it, you muppet!'

With another firm grip on your wrist, he summoned up all his courage, guiding you towards him with a sudden movement as he finally crushed his lips onto yours. After years and years of dreaming about this exact moment, it now became reality. And it felt even better than both of you could have ever imagined. Setting the guitar aside, he placed it to his left on the couch, drawing you closer. Pressing you gently against the cushions, he positioned his body on top of yours, eagerly seeking your lips again.

In the next thirty minutes you were having your long awaited make out session, filled with lots of wet and fiery kisses along with tender, passionate touches.

No words required, Matty was overjoyed and now well aware of the fact that you returned what he felt for you. Even though Matty didn't mention a single word, you knew it too.

"I love you so much, baby", he confessed, right before he started to work his way down your neck, placing gentle kisses on your soft skin, "I've been meaning to do this for ages"

"I love you too, Matty", you whispered, still not knowing if you were awake or dreaming.

As he was passionately devouring you, he could feel your body trembling while lust was written all over your face.

"I didn't expect you to have such a dirty mind, though.", he smirked against your neck.

"What do you mean?", your voice was shaking.

"You haven't answered my question yet"

"Which question?"

"Why you're so obsessed with my hands...",

"Matty please...", you whined.

"What?", he asked as his lips were still clung to your neck, "Tell me what you want me to do with my hands"

You gulped as feelings of overwhelming embarrassment came flooding over you again.

He slowly moved his hand from your back over your chest, sliding it down your belly, causing you to shiver even more. He stopped at the button of your jeans, resting his hand on your waist as he peeked up to lock his gaze with yours. With fluttering eyes you glanced down at him, wondering why he stopped. The intense craving for having his fingers inside of you became unbearable.

While Matty was grinning from ear to ear, finding pleasure in torturing you with his teasing touches, he raised an eyebrow at you.

"Please, Matty... I...", you stuttered, still not being able to speak properly.

"Tell me, love"

"I...", your words came out as a faint whisper, "I need you. Matty, please..."

"Where?", he whispered back at you.

"Inside me...", you finally gave him the words he wanted to hear, not caring about another wave of shame that was crashing all over you.

Not waisting any more time, he unzipped your jeans, slowly making his way into your slip. By the time his soft fingers reached your clit, you closed your eyes, throwing your head back in deep pleasure. A heavy moan left your mouth, as you were electrified by his heavenly touch that you've been craving so desperately.

"No, no, no, no, no!", he complained, "I want you to look at me."

The inability to move made it impossible for you to follow his command.

He tightened the grip between your legs as he repeated his order, "I said look at me!"

Continuing his teasing game, Matty was about to pull his hand back out of your pants, due to your disobedience, but you immediately stopped him by grabbing his hand to keep it in place. "What are you doing?", you questioned, wanting him to continue what he started.

"Uhm.. pulling my hand out.", he answered casually with a shrug, pretending it wasn't part of his little game. His plan worked out immediately when you looked at him with that cute, furious frown on your face.

"No! Why?", you protested.

Matty leaned in close, his breath warm against your ear, sending shivers down your spine as he whispered "Because only good girls deserve to be fingered by Matty Healy."

"But..."

"And you aren't one", he gently pecked the skin of your neck again.

"I am", you moaned in response to his soft kisses.

"Don't think so. If you were, you'd do what I say"

"Please Matty stop teasing me now! I can't take it any longer"

"Hmm... seems like someone's being really needy...", he kept on playing with you, "will you be a good girl for me now?"

"Yes, Matty. Yes, I will", you answered impatiently.

"Then look at me.", he said as he carefully put his hand back between your legs and this time you were following his command, being the good girl he asked you to be, though it was definitely not easy for you to keep eye contact with him.

"Now you are being a good girl. I want you to keep looking at me, okay? Will you do that for me, darling?"

You nodded in response, "Hm... yes."

All of a sudden he pushed his middlefinger inside you, causing a loud moan from you.

"That's what you were thinking about when you watched me play guitar, isn't it?", he gently whispered in your ear.

"Maybe...", you admitted between your lusty moans.

"I knew it.", he smirked, "Couldn't quite believe it though..."

"Hmm..", you hummed as he continued his skillful work with his fingers, beaming you into another dimension of reality.

While listening to your ravishing moans he kept on talking, "My best friend is a dirty slut. Unbelievable. But I'd be lying if I said i didn't think about you every time I wanked.", he winked at you with a dirty smile, roughly jabbing another finger inside your dripping wet pussy.

"Matty, I... I think I...", you stammered, having difficulties to breathe.

"Yes baby, cum for me, please", he permitted, but you were already collapsing in heated pleasure as you eventually broke the eye contact, letting your head fall onto his chest, gasping for air.

With his free arm, he hugged you, pressing your body tightly to his own. He gave you some time to calm down while you were catching your breath, before he slowly pulled out his fingers, bringing them up to your mouth, so you could lick them clean. "If that was part of your phantasies too...then...", he shook his head with a radiant smile on his face while you seemingly enjoyed sucking your juice from his elegant guitar hands, "...like... who are you? And what have you done to my best friend?"

"Shut up, Healy!", you laughed after letting go of his fingers, "and cuddle me!"

You snuggled yourself into his loving embrace, but Matty had other plans....

"Nah... later, love.", he told you with hungry eyes, "I'm not done with you yet."