Flop, Turn, River

Establishing a train of thought while listening to a song you love is quite tricky. My thoughts flow and merge into the song… and then I don’t know where that leads to…

As I hear Chris Isaak pray to the universe for relief from love on my ear buds, I try to figure out the meaning of love myself. The hardest realisation about love is that you’re not always meant to feel love. Being in love is to give and not wait for something in return. Everything you receive is just a bonus.

Then how is love sustainable if you always have to give? It is when you keep giving in a rhythmic pace, just like the simple and subtle 4x4 beat accompanying this song. Fall into the rhythm, turn it into a habit and watch it all make sense.

I have decided to change. Completely. Every noticeable aspect of my personality. It's a forced change. Not a mid-life crisis. It is a reaction to, and in anticipation of, leading a better and more fulfilling life.

Some vices will be past-tensed. Some new habits will be ingrained. The strange thing is that it's looking easy in my head. Now I'm putting this down, to see if it seems easy on paper too. So far, so good.

I'll turn into something my past self made fun of. But I think that is something my past self wanted to always be, and I am finally letting him have it. I guess it's part of the whole "growing up" that people need to do from time to time.

Let the sky scream, so I don’t have to.