𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.

When the door opened and Flo was standing there with her daughter, Benji’s heart seized up. Rory wouldn’t remember Colin, and her impression of him would instead be colored by how he had treated her mother. She would never have the ability to know what Connor thought: his grandpa was fun, and affectionate, and spoiled him rotten. “Yeah.” He replied awkwardly, stepping in and shutting the door behind him. “Can I? —” Benji gestured towards Rory, but not hesitating to snatch his niece out of her hands. She was perfect and small in his hands, and yet growing too quickly for Benji to comprehend. He remembered thinking the same thing with his own son, how fast time passed. Benji followed Flo into the living room, settling into a chair by Flo, enough that he wasn’t sitting next to her, but could look at her straight-on. “I have to… I have to tell you something.” Benji tensed up, looking from Flo back to Rory, watching as she reached for his beard. “Maybe you might want to get Noël, or we can just… Just you and me.” Like it’s always been. “Dad, um… He — He, um…” Benji shifted uncomfortably, finally looking up to meet Flo’s gaze. “I’m sorry. He’s… He’s…” Benji sucked in a shaky breath. He knew he couldn’t use the word ‘gone’ — Flo would simply think he’d jetted off again, but was still out there in the world somewhere. No. He had to suck it up, he had to tell her the truth, and not mince words. “He died.”

-

Florence had long ago stopped protesting when Benji decided he wanted to steal Rory from her.  It allowed her to get a better look at him and his somber expression. It was rare for her brother to look like anything but an excited puppy dog, so this was alarming to say the least. “Noël’s sleeping,” she said dismissively, her eyes scanning his every feature in an attempt to figure out what was about to come out of his mouth. Apart from it being bad, it wasn’t given much away. “Spit it out, you’re freaking me out. Last time I saw you like this was when you came to visit me at the hospital.” Cold crept into her chest at his mention of their father and she almost felt her walls coming up. He was fine. He had to be. There was just no way that he wasn’t after everything, after she had just begun to get to know him the way she always wanted to. “He — No, Benji, he’s fine. I just saw him. We went for a walk on the beach and he played with Rory for hours. He was doing great,” she said tightly, standing up from the couch quickly and extending her arms out for Rory. “It’s just not possible, okay? I should probably get her back to bed, so...” Realistically, she knew he was telling the truth. Benji wouldn’t joke about something like this. No one would. She just wanted to live a few more minutes in blissful ignorance because she wasn’t sure she was ready to handle something like this. 

Dani: um wtf is he talking about?

CLOSED START FOR: @flohastings​ LOCATION: florence’s house, bayview

Benji had no idea what he’d be arriving to find at his sister’s house. Whether they’d be awake, tending to Rory, still asleep, either way completely caught off guard. And Benji had information he was honor bound to deliver as he stood on Flo’s front porch, catching his breath, trying to organize his thoughts. How could he tell her that the unimaginable had happened? The worst news he felt he could deliver her was this — and for the rest of their lives they’d have to live with the fact that he’d been the one to say it to her. And he would have to live with the vision of his sister, forever remember her reaction to the news. He was dead. Their father was dead. The man that was supposed to be their father, anyway. Connor’s grandfather, Rory’s grandfather. A man who hadn’t shown up for his children, but had tried for his grandchildren, until the clock ran out. Finally, Benji knocked, hoping it was loud enough to wake them without being forced to ring the doorbell. 

-

Florence being up at this hour of the night wasn’t unusual by any means. Rory was a relatively easy baby, but somehow always fussy when both she and Noël were attempting to get some sleep. Not that she minded getting up to soothe her little girl all that much. What was unusual was for someone to knock on their front door this late. She looked back to the front door from her spot on the couch, legs folded in front of her and Rory babbling away on her lap, torn between opening the door herself and calling for Noël so he could do it. Given that there wasn’t a peep coming from their room, she figured he needed the sleep and clumsily got up from her very comfortable couch. Holding Rory with one arm, she inched the door open slightly and peeked at who was standing on the porch. “Oh, it’s you,” she said when she recognized her brother, opening the door wider to let him in. “I love you, but what a weird time to show up at someone’s house. Come in, we were just watching trashy reality TV.”

Dani: sounds like he doesnt want to be with you

Dani: which honestly makes me think less of him

Flo: that's what i thought

Noël watched Florence’s expression change, hurt that manifested in her face and in her body language as her fingers grabbed firm hold of his. “I know you love us.” He replied with a calm sureness. The language barrier that existed between them was not insurmountable, but it did become obvious to Noël from time to time that his expression in the English language could be unintentionally hurtful when trying to communicate with Florence about already tedious topics of conversation. “No, mon amour. You haven’t done anything wrong. This I promise.” A smile grew into a quiet laugh of disbelief, Noël’s head shaking fervently. “That is the last thing I want. I want us to be together, more than anything.” He took a moment to breath, to try to navigate this situation as thoughtfully as he could, without causing Florence any further distress. “I am talking about… Clayton.” He had wanted to be delicate, to try to lead Florence to water in a sense, but it was clear he would need to be completely straightforward. 

“What I am attempting to say to you, what I am trying to offer you, Florence, is the chance to explore feelings that were prematurely cut off. I know how it all went, when you ended things with me, and pursued things with Clayton, just for that to end rather abruptly. It does not offend me, or give me cause for worry, because I know how much you love me. But I also know it is possibly to love more than one person. It is human. And I am secure, here. With you and with our daughter. If you need to… Explore.” He looked at Florence with complete adoration, hoping that in trying to reach out to her, he had not instead forced her to retreat into herself. 

-

Deep down, Florence had a feeling she knew where Noël was going with all this. The two of them had no secrets, she had told him about her relationship with Clayton and, knowing her as well as he did, he had read between the lines. Except Flo was fully in denial about this and, despite Noël’s calm demeanour, somehow felt like she had betrayed him. “That’s... Clay’s in the past, Noël. It didn’t work out and there’s probably a reason for that,” she said quickly, trying to convince herself as well as him. Truth was, she had no idea what the reason was exactly, which wasn’t helpful in terms of closure. 

“I’ve done plenty of exploring back in L.A. Seriously, way too much exploring. Those days are behind me, now I have to be solid and grown-up. For you and Rory. When would I even have time to date with a baby permanently attached to my boob?” Dating was always dramatic and complicated and she was a mother now. Mother’s didn’t just take the night off for a date with a man that wasn’t their significant other. Her upbringing had been so atypical and she wanted the opposite for Rory. She wanted normal and stable. “Not to mention you assume Clay wants to be with me and we don’t know that. What if I say something and he just... I don’t know, laugh? i would never live down the embarrassment.” 

Dani: ok well you're welcome for being so wise then

Dani: what kind of weird?

Flo: like he said he didn't think he and rory were enough for me and that i was free to explore other things if i wished

Dani: okay well you said it not me

Dani: how is the baby?

Flo: because you don't say much of anything, you just make me question everything with your insightful questions!!

Flo: she's good, always

Noël considered himself to be a man in-touch with his emotions. He did not often struggle to express himself, and found being straight-forward and honest the easiest route. He also understood that it was not so simple for other people, to open themselves up to difficult conversations. For some people, variables were far too overwhelming, even the thought of them was too much. So he tried to tread carefully with Florence, to allow the woman he loved to come to terms with her own thoughts, and once he could surmise she had broached a juncture where she could discuss her feelings, he tried to seize the opportunity. 

“You know I try to only have good conversations. Perspective. That is everything.” He smiled, a gentle offering that all was truly well. “You do not have to worry when you think of me. I told you this.” He maintained his casual lean, watching the blonde with an unmasked appreciation. “I will be straightforward. I worry… That we are not enough. Lorelai and me.” His expression did not falter, his tone did not seize. For Noël, this was a matter of practicality. “And I do not say this with any malice, that you are not fulfilling some duty or role, or not giving us all that you have. I know that you are. And you are a wonderful mother. You are a wonderful partner. But I know you. I have not stopped knowing you.” Noël pushed off from the doorway then, taking a few steps towards Florence, his hands closing around her damp and wrinkled fingers. “All I mean to say, is that there are perhaps things you have not explored. If you need to do this… I will be here, and I will support you. Do you… Understand my meaning?” He gave her hands a gentle squeeze, as if to comfort her. “I do not lead an unexamined life. I have had many experiences, with many different people. And in the past… I have known more than one lover. And for me, that has worked. I have told you about Hilarie and Gavin, no?”

-

While Florence was one of the most emotionally stunted person ever, Noël was one of the wisest. At least that’s how she saw it. She didn’t feel quite inadequate, but part of her did wonder what he thought of her difficulty to communicate clearly and how terrible she was at understanding her own fucking feelings. She never got an annoyed or frustrated vibe from him, but it couldn’t be easy for him to constantly be forced to guess what went on in her mind.

“I haven’t reached that level of maturity yet. I’ll get there eventually,” she said with an apologetic smile. Wherever she thought he was going with all this, what actually came out of his mouth was enough to completely rattle her. She looked at him with a mix of shock and horror. Did he think she was a bad mother? He must have if he thought she believed her own daughter wasn’t enough for her. “I love you and I love her,” she said quietly, justifying herself, as he squeezed her wrinkly fingers, her gaze fixated on them as he kept talking. “I don’t understand where this is coming from. You have told me about them, but I haven’t... I haven’t been seeing anyone else. Did I do something wrong? What did I do to make you feel like you weren’t enough?” It might have something to do with her lack of experience when it came to anything but a monogamous relationship, but she struggled to grasp what it was exactly he was offering. “Do you want to break up?”

Dani: idk do you?

Flo: maybe idk

Clayton turns his head to look over at her, nodding his head a little. “Well, the slutty wedding sex that single people usually get is a good reason to go to a wedding without a date.” He smirks slightly, dropping his gaze to the little infant in her arms before pulling his gaze over towards water, pressing his lips together as she lets his arms hang over his knees. “I always thought I would have taken you.” He whispers the words, letting them out into the open before he has a chance to really think them over.

-

Florence chuckled, fully avoiding his gaze after the mention of anonymous wedding sex. No matter what people thought of her past, she had been in relationships for the better part of her life, so no string attached sex was not something she was very knowledgeable on. “I’ll take your word for it. You don’t want to know what I used to do at weddings,” she said with a shake of her head. It usually involved lines in the bathroom and embarrassing dancing. His next comment makes it impossible for her not to look back him. “Yeah, so did I. I didn’t think things would turn out this way. Not that I’m unhappy with how things turned out, I’m not. There are just some things I wish we’d done differently.”

Dani: did you ask him?

Flo: did i ask clay if i think he dodged a bullet? def not

Noël was perhaps all too content to be a father, the hunter and gatherer, watching as Florence flourished in her role as a mother. But he was also observant, witnessing that the woman of his heart was not completely content as she said she was. Whatever he could do to help her, to keep her soul at peace, Noël would do. And perhaps it meant difficult conversations, perhaps it meant she needed more than Noël could give, than motherhood could give. And it wouldn’t have to be anything of malice, admitting that she needed more in her life. It made perfect sense to him that this domestic life could not possibly be everything for her. He just wondered what exactly would be her outlet. 

It was a quiet afternoon, that lull in the day when Lorelai was asleep and Noël had not yet left for the restaurant. He watched as Florence hovered near the sink, drying her hands off with a dish rag. “Mon amour,” Noël spoke forth with a delicacy, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned against the doorway. “I have been meaning to discuss something with you. Unless you would rather it wait until tonight. But I will be home wait.” 

@flohastings​

-

As content as Florence felt when it came to the current state of her life, there were still some loose ends she needed to tie up. Her relationship with her father being one, always. He was around and they were both trying to make up for lost time, but there was still a part of her that felt like a lot of things were left unsaid. Like the part where he had just skipped out on being her father. That was pretty major. On the other hand, there was also her unexpected meeting with Clayton on the beach that one night. Loving Noël, but still feeling the desire to explore what could’ve been with Clay was... confusing, to say the least.

How was she supposed to bring that up to Noël—a man she very much loved, no matter her lingering feelings for Clayton. She wasn’t sure how long she had been staring out the window over the sink, looking at the beach, but it must’ve been awhile given her gross wrinkly fingers. She wiped the water off hurriedly, turning to face Noël. “Uh oh. Should I be worried? I feel like no good conversation ever starts this way.”

Dani: yeah that actually is really boring

Dani: if he thought the sobriety was a lot idk what he's thinking of the baby

Clayton turned his head to look over towards her, swallowing as she began to explain how she wondered if she would get an invite to the wedding since it’s been a while since she’s gone out. God, the urge to ask her to go with him was on the tip of his tongue until his gaze dropped towards the baby in her arms and remembered that the both of them weren’t together… that she had a family now and a man waiting for her at home. He turned his head to look over his shoulder in the direction of where the blonde had come from as if he would see the man walking out to find his girls. He brushed his tongue along his lower lip before drifting his gaze back towards her. “Uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Asked some girl I’ve been on a couple dates with.” He turned his head back towards the ocean. “I’m not sure who Weston is inviting by the way, I’m strictly on bachelor party duties.”

-

There would always be a part of her that would wonder what might’ve happened if the two of them had communicated more and not been so stubborn. There was a lot about their relationship that felt unresolved and she told herself that was why it stung slightly when he mentioned the date he had for the wedding. “I’m glad. Going to weddings alone is no fun. I mean, who wants to sit at the singles table?” Not that anyone who looked like Clay would ever end up at the singles table. Or stay single very long if it got to that point. “Don’t worry, I won’t blame you if I don’t get an invite. I haven’t seen Weston in forever. This little babe keeps me busy. I haven’t seen much of anyone, honestly.”

Dani: what happened exactly? i thought he was rly shitty to you but maybe i was projecting

Flo: he realized i was an addict with a little over six months of sobriety under my belt and he was told that was too soon for dating...

Flo: that was pretty much it

“I’m a born uncle, what can I say?” It meant a lot to Benji that he could help out with Flo and her daughter. Once upon a time he’d had a hand in raising his own sister, so it was pretty poignant to have Rory in his arms now, all smiles. He was surprised she was still so snuggly at her age, instead of trying to crawl around the house and getting into things she shouldn’t. “I know, I know. There’s a mix of stuff in there. I wish I knew half the shit when Connor was a baby that I know now. And I definitely didn’t have, like, someone stopping by to drop of diapers and stuff. So I’m happy to be that guy.” Benji looked up at Flo with a smile. “Yeah, but, y’know, as long as you’re still doing the shit you want to. Life can’t be just what’s in here. How are things? With you and Noël? I mean, spare all the details, but like, generally, you’re, um… You’re happy?” Benji was naturally protective of Flo, but he was doing his best to let Flo make her own choices, particularly when it came to the father of her child. Noël was a very decent guy, and evidently very devoted to his sister and their daughter, so Benji didn’t have any complaints at present.

-

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve been getting ready for this role your whole life,” she said with a teasing smile, referring to him basically raising her. Maybe he hadn’t been born into the role per se, but he sure as hell had been preparing for it his whole life. After dealing with Florence, Rory was a piece of cake to deal with. “I know. Don’t think I’m not grateful, I am. I just don’t want anything to go to waste.” She could always donate the clothes once she grew out of them, but she didn’t want her brother to waste his money. “So far, I’m perfectly happy doing just this. Maybe I can give theatre a shot once things calm down.” It wasn’t a priority for now, though. She was still perfectly happy with how things were going. Spending days with Rory was more fulfilling than anything she’d ever done. “Of course I am. Noël is great. He’s a great dad and a great partner. Plus, having a live-in chef isn’t half bad.”

Dani: yeah it's fine

Dani: i don't think that exists but alrighty

Dani: gross

Dani: i mean that's cool i guess, are you guys on good terms or?

Flo: it does, i swear!!