TXT sickfics here

He grabbed his phone and decided to order naga fried chicken and chicken nachos. It seemed like a perfect combination, if it got too spicy he'd just neutralise it with the nachos.

When the food arrived, Beomgyu opened the door and received it. Kai got out of his room to pick it at that time and saw Beomgyu.

"Did you order this?" Beomgyu asked.

"Yeah," he replied, short and kinda cold, already extending his hand to take it.

"Can I eat a bit with you? I'm hungry." the request was polite but it sent anger flashing down Kai's spine, he retorted, "No."

Beomgyu made a sad face, whining, "Whyyyy? Just a bit, one bite okaayy?" He cooed, not aware that Kai was having those bad days when he just didn't like being nice. Beomgyu was literally pouting, doing aegyo if possible and that raged Kai even more.

"One bite come oooon~"

Kai flared, squinting his eyes with disgust, "I SAID NO! WHY CAN'T YOU ACT YOUR AGE HYUNG?!" It left him breathing heavily for a moment after the crashout, visibly trying to calm himself down while Beomgyu stared with wide eyes with a mouth hung open. Kai quickly left with the food package in his hands, entered his room and slammed the door close with a loud thud.

Why do I always have to bear with 4 grown up men acting like children?! Can't they even be responsible? He thought as he opened the food packet.

He took one bite and it didn't feel as bad. It was tasty, a bit numbing but that's what he was hoping for. For the spice to numb his mind.

But a few bites in, he felt like his tongue was on fire. He also ate the chicken nachos, which were regular. Not spicy but it didn't do anything to bring the spice down. "Why is this so spicy? Shit, I should have ordered grape juice with it."

There might be some grape juice left in the fridge but he didn't want to go out of his room at all. If someone sees his gasping because of the spice and asks questions, maybe Soobin would ask why he yelled at Beomgyu for something small-  just thinking about answering their questions was exhausting already. He wanted to be alone.

As he kept eating despite the burning heat, he realised once again that this was way beyond his spice tolerance. It burned his lips, tongue and sides of his mouth where the sauce touched. Drinking water wasn't helping either.

He knew he wouldn't be able to finish it all by himself but he wasn't gonna share. That's a no no.

Not today.

Impossible.

He'd rather force himself to eat it all than share. Going to share with meant talking. And he was in no mood to talk.

So he ate, gasping in between and gulping down water desperately. His eyes were watering, nose running but it was all part of the spice, right? Nothing unusual. But halfway through, his stomach started to cramp slightly. It was already a warning that the food wasn't settling well but he ignored it.

When there were last two pieces of chicken left, he couldn't eat anymore. His stomach hurt. It was burning, cramping. He squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe he shouldn't have ordered the spiciest version. He regretted it.

He put the last two pieces away, washed his hand and curled into the bed as another cramp spread in his abdomen. As time passed, the pain only increased, it felt like someone was scratching his stomach.

Should he tell someone? No. Yeonjun would definitely act like an Asian mom to lecture him about why he ordered the spiciest version, it's not good for the stomach bla bla. Beomgyu and Taehyun would tease. Should he tell Soobin? Soobin would probably worry too much. He didn't want any of that.

He stayed curled up his bed, sweating profusely. He regretted it. But there was nothing he could do now. His mouth still burned from the spice, but the ache in his stomach was crueler.

What do I do now? he thought as another cramp shot though his abdomen, making him whimper. He was practically squirming in his bed in frustration and pain. Just then, he heard a knock.

"Kai-ah, time for dinner. Come eat." It was Soobin. But damn, even the mention of food brought a wave of nausea.

He tried to calm his breathing and answer without letting him know about the situation but his voice came strained nonetheless, "Hyung, I'm not hungry. I'll skip."

"Okay." The reply came quick, as if Soobin didn't give much thought about it. It gave some relief to Kai, that elder hadn't noticed. But at the same time, he thought over and over, should he have told Soobin honestly?

An hour passed. During this time Kai tried to shift his focus to the voices of members chatting in the hallway or living room, tried shifting positions, drank more water. Nothing worked. Kai's suffering wasn't easing, if anything,the nausea grew fiercer. It didn't seem like it would settle. The cramps were getting tighter.

A few more minutes passed and the nausea peaked. He felt the surge of liquid at the back of his throat as he gagged, clamping a hand over his mouth. He scrambled off the bed, almost falling off and rushed to the hallway bathroom.

He slammed open the bathroom door and before he could lock it or reach the toilet, a strangled gag bent him forward and this time his hands clamped on his mouth couldn't stop it. Vomit rushed passed his fingers and splattered on the floor.

He gasped, the pain struck him hard as another painful cramp spread, his stomach clenched and he hurriedly dropped to his knees beside the toilet.

The contents of his stomach came up quickly, his body whacked with each wave, unable to control the gagging.

His body trembled, his vision blurred as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He tried to hold it back, but the pressure was too much.

he was already tired from suffering silently this whole time. Why didn't anything go as he planned?

The tears fell, mostly from the force of stomach turning inside out, but there was that ting of frustration and sadness lached onto it. Maybe anger too, at himself, because he was the one who forced himself to eat, instead of sharing with the members. He became that selfish. He even yelled at Beomgyu. All those passing thoughts crashed on him one by one as each wave of nausea hit, stomach cramped mercilessly. He was tired. So tired.

He didn't even notice someone entering the bathroom. The first thing he felt was a hand on his back, rubbing on his spine up and down and another came to his forehead, sliding his hair away from the way as Kai gagged again. Another wave of sickness splashing the toilet water. His throat burned, he gasped, blimking through tears.

"It's okay, let it out. Take deep breaths." He recognised the voice. Soobin. Kai tried to take a deep breath but choked on the next wave, coughing violently. The vomit went through his nose, burning. All while Soobin kept rubbing his back, concerned, whispered, "I know it hurts. Just a little more. I'll be over soon."

When the retching slowed, Kai sagged against him, utterly spent. His chest heaved with ragged breaths, lips parted, face damp with sweat and tears. His body trembled so violently that Soobin tucked him close, grounding him, wiping his nose and mouth with toilet paper. He used another piece of toilet paper to wiped his soiled hand.

As Soobin gently wiped his tears with his thumb, Kai just let himself be held. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to stabilize his breathing.

When he opened his eyes, he looked at Soobin. The next moment his eyes moved to the side, he saw Beomgyu looking worried, holding a glass in his hand. He passed the glass and Soobin brought the glass to Kai's lips, "Sip slowly." Kai obeyed, without a word. He was in toonmuch pain and far too embarrassed to say anything right now. His stomach was still cramping and burning.

He took smalls sips, pushing the glass slightly away. Soobin set it aside, still holding him. Kai didn't dare to move. It felt like his stomach would revolt again if he did. Beomgyu flushed the toilet and crouched down, meeting his eyes, concerned, "Are you okay?"

Kai stared at him for a long second before nodding. Remembering that not long ago, Kai had raised his voice at Beomgyu, he felt ashamed.

He looked at Beomgyu with teary eyes, "I'm sorry." And tears slipped without warning. His breath hitched. "I'm so sorry!" he sobbed. Soobin and Beomgyu glanced a confused look as Soobin started rubbing his back again.

Beomgyu placed a hand on his shoulder hesitantly, "Hey. Why are you sorry?" He shared a glance with Soobin again, because he genuinely didn't know what to do. Soobin understood and took the matters into his own hands. He cupped Kai's face and said, "Let's get you to bed first, yeah?"

-------------------------------------

The mess on the bathroom floor was cleaned up. Kai was laid on his bed. Beomgyu brought stomach relaxants for Kai, helping him take them. Kai was still hurting physically, not as much as before but the stomach was still aching.

He felt guilty. For behaving poorly with his members. And when the members took care of him so gently, it hurt even more. He couldn't look at them in the eye.

But he had to say what he had to say. Soobin and Beomgyu waited, sitting on the bed beside him, worried but not pressuring. Just giving him time to open up. And Kai started, fidgeting with his fingers, "I'm sorry. I was selfish, not responsible enough."

Soobin put a hand on his shoulders, " It's okay. Everyone gets sick once in a while."

Kai shook his head, "No. That's not it. I misbehaved with all of you for the past few days. Intentionally." He looked down at his lap, head hung low. "Today too. I yelled at Beomgyu hyung for nothing. And I was so selfish I knew I couldn't all of it but still forced myself to eat just because I didn't want to share. I knew it wasn't sitting right, that I ordered something beyond my spice tolerance but I kept eating. I was just-" he stopped, searching for the right words, "I don't know. I was an idiot, I should've been more responsible. I'm sorry."

What he didn't expect was a sudden hug from both of them. His eyes widened.

"Idiot. It's okay." Beomgyu said as he patted his hair, "I forgot about that already." Soobin just smiled and rubbed his arms. He was just glad the negative Kai era had ended.

When the broke the hug, Kai was relieved but confused, "You guys aren't angry?"

"Nope!" Beomgyu said almost immediately. "I was just worried. But next time we'd do a spicy chicken challeng-- oww!"

Soobin hit him and shot a look, "Yah! He just got sick from it."

Kai just smiled at them. Although he wasn't physically all good yet, he felt like all the burdens weighing his heart had disappeared. He was glad to have them as his teammates.

___________________

I didn't do anything proof reading 🤧 so there might be mistakes. It's already so hard to write and I'm lazy to proofread 🤧🤧 Ok, bye~

Taehyun stretched his arms, yawning, "I'm so tired. Today's practice was long."

"Mhm I know right!" Kai cheered, " but let's forget about practice, who likes to practice anyways. What are we getting for dinner?"

"Kimchi-jjiga- Ow!" Soobin said only to get smacked by Beomgyu. "Hyung! Sometimes eat something different too!"

Soobin pouted, "Why? It's tasty!"

"I was gonna say the same thing tho." Kai said.

Beomgyu growled and Taehyun just laughed, "Beomgyu hyung, just say that you don't like the fact that 8 out of 10 times we ordered it, they put tomatoes in it."

"Ugh tomatoes are just-" he sighed, " I'll order something else. "

"Okay" Soobin said. He flipped through song playlist and played one, "Guys, do you like this song?"

And the conversation stretched on.

----

That night, Beomgyu couldn't sleep. Kept tossing and turning around. He reminded himself again and again "sleep, or else you won't be able to do well tomorrow." but sleep didn't come.

He stared at the sealing. Counted sheeps. Tried to imagine a peaceful place to relax his mind; nothing worked. He felt like crying, not because he couldn't sleep, but because he wanted to sleep to get rid of the countless thoughts that jammed his head. Because sleep was the only time his mind didn't claw him with pressure. And now, even that sleep didn't come so easily.

He walked around, drank water and came back to his room.

"Beomgyu, did you not sleep yet?" Soobin said in a groggy voice and half sat up with messy hair sticking out in different directions.

Beomgyu looked at Soobin, he just wanted to hug him and cry because he was struggling, to face every single day with so much expectations from people, and the pressure of hiding it under under his laughs. He felt so lonely. Instead he went, "Oh, did I wake you up? I was just going to sleep." Beomgyu tried to hurry and got on his bed.

As he was quickly pulling the covers, Soobin said, "Wait, come here." And he patted the place beside him.

Beomgyu did as he was told. "It's 3 am hyung, do you wanna talk about marvels at this time? Then tomorrow the manager would be like" he mimicked, "~oh Soobin-sshi you can literally just play the mafia role with those dark circles, ah! so fascinating, should we give it a try?~" and he laughed, even acted like the manager, just like usual. Just hiding. Again.

Soobin stared at Beomgyu, he didn't laugh, didn't glare at him. It was a look Beomgyu couldn't understand. Then he held his hand, "How long are you gonna hide it?"

Beomgyu looked at his eyes and stuttered, "Wh-what are you talking about?" Soobin cupped his cheeks, "Hey, look at me." Soobin caressed his hands, "Do you you're toughing around the whole week, do you think no one noticed? That you look like you're about to cry but still keep laughing?"

Beomgyu's gaze fell. Tears welled in his eyes. His composure was fading. He finally met Soobin's eyes but he couldn't say anything. He was debating with himself, panicking what to say, what to not say, what would make things better and what would make things worse. And suddenly, Soobin hugged him, guiding his head to his shoulder and patting his back. Beomgyu's nose filled with the familar scent of Soobin, and his light perfume that he always used. It smelt Soobin, it smelt like home.

And his words, "You can cry. You don't have to always tough it out."

All that made his dams break loose; tears fell, after holding them for so long. It wasn't sobs, just silent tears. Soobin threaded his fingers though his hair and kept whispering him that it was okay. "H-hyung,"

"Hm?"

"what if- Wh-what if I don't have a reason to cry?" he finally said, hugging tight. Because that hug was the only thing grounding him. "I f-feel like- like I'm falling a-apratt and I don't know why? Everything is s-so hard a-nd I'm s-so sc-scared!" he sobbed. He was shaking now.

"Hyung.."

And Soobin didn't let go, just held him tighter. "It's okay, even if there is no reason at all."

"Wh-what if I'm j-jusy being silly?"

"It's okay, even if there are a hundred silly things piling up together making you think like- I should've been better. It's okay if you're not perfect. It's okay to cry."

"Hm?"

"Hold me," and that came from the deepest corner of his heart.

Beomgyu once said, "We all have our roles in a family. Soobin-hyung is like mom, Yeonjun-hyung is dad, Taehyunie is the elder brother (although Taehyun is younger than Beomgyu, he referred to Taehyun as his elder brother bcz Taehyun is mature and caring) and Huening kai is the dog." And the fun fact, Huening Kai even agreed even tho Beomgyu said he was the family's dog. They have a strong bonding, always caring for each other. So, don't worry, the other members are there to comfort Beomgyu, but the fact is, all of them miss Soobin and ofc Soobin misses them too.

Huening Kai felt off from the moment practice began. It wasn’t something he could pinpoint exactly—just a vague unease that made his movements feel heavier than usual. Sweat rolled down his temples as he missed a step again, catching the faint glances of his members. Were they annoyed? Worried? He couldn’t tell, but he assumed annoyance was the more likely option. Why wouldn’t they be? After all, they’d been rehearsing for hours, perfecting every beat and angle, and here he was, struggling to keep up.

Kai gritted his teeth and pushed through. Yet, as the choreography grew more demanding, his stomach twisted uncomfortably with every sharp turn. He felt drained, his head starting to spin. The growing pain in his abdomen made it harder to focus. He just wanted to go home.

After arguing with himself for the hundredth time, he turned to the leader during a short break. “Hyung,” he muttered softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Can you ask the manager if I can leave early today?”

Soobin frowned, immediately sensing something wasn’t right. “What’s wrong?"

“I’m just… too tired.” Kai avoided meeting his eyes.

Before Soobin could respond, Beomgyu sauntered over, overhearing the conversation. “Tired?!” he said, narrowing his eyes. “Do you think we’re not tired too? We’ve all been dancing for hours. Come on, Kai, you can’t just leave because you’re tired. Pull yourself together.”

Kai flinched at the sharpness in Beomgyu’s voice. Before he could reply, Yeonjun stepped in, his tone gentler but firm. “I get that you’re tired, Kai, but Beomgyu’s right. We don’t have time to slack off. Just two more hours, and we’ll be done. You can rest then, okay?” He placed a reassuring hand on Kai’s back, as if to calm him.

Kai glanced at Taehyun, who stayed silent, simply observing the exchange with his usual sharp eyes. Turning back to Soobin, Kai silently pleaded for understanding.

Soobin hesitated for a moment, then placed a hand on Kai’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever,” he said, his voice sympathetic but firm. “And I don’t think the manager will let you off just because you’re tired.”

Reluctantly, Kai nodded and trudged back to practice, his stomach still in knots.

By the time practice ended, Kai was utterly spent. On the ride home, he leaned his head against the cool window, pretending to sleep to avoid conversation. His stomach churned uncomfortably, but he convinced himself it was nothing serious—just exhaustion.

The members, unaware of his state, chattered like usual around him. Beomgyu was the loudest, talking about a new gadget he wanted to buy. “I swear it’s life-changing,” he insisted, his hands moving dramatically. Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “You said the same thing about that waffle maker, and it broke in two weeks.”

Beomgyu gasped in mock offense. “That’s because Soobin-hyung tried to make kimchi pancakes in it!”

“I was experimenting!” Soobin shot back. "And it didn't turn out that bad though?"

Beomgyu made a face, a little bit overreacting, "Not that bad? It was terrible!" And Soobin playfully slapped his arm.

Taehyun chimed in taking Soobin's side cz beomgyu really annoyed the shit out of him earlier, "99% possibility is the waffle maker broke because it couldn’t handle Beomgyu-hyung's 'life-changing’ cooking skills.”

"Yah!"

Kai couldn’t help but smile faintly at their banter, even as he fought the wave of nausea creeping up. His breath hitching as the car bumped on speed breakers.

When they reached the dorms, Kai headed straight to his room, skipping dinner. He barely managed to lie down on the floor before sleep overtook him.

---

It was dinner time. Taehyun was setting up the plates, Yeonjun helping him serve food for the members. Soobin was the first one who noticed Kai's absence. “Where’s Kai?” he asked, glancing around the table.

“He went to his room,” Taehyun replied. “Should I check on him?”

Soobin shook his head. “I’ll go.”

He knocked on Kai’s door, but there was no response. “Kai?” he called out, knocking again. When silence greeted him, he slowly opened the door.

The sight of Kai asleep on the floor made him chuckle softly. “Aigoo, our maknae is too cute,” he murmured. But as he stepped closer, his smile faded. Kai’s brows were furrowed, his face pale and damp with sweat.

“Kai-ah,” Soobin said softly, crouching down and patting his shoulder. “Wake up. Taehyun made us dinner.”

Kai whimpered in his sleep, his hand latching onto Soobin’s arm like a lifeline. Soobin’s heart melted at the sight, and he gently stroked Kai’s hair. “Come on, Kai-ah, wake up,” he urged gently.

When Kai finally stirred, his eyes fluttered open, glassy and filled with unshed tears. “Hyung…” he whined weakly.

“Is something wrong, Kai-ah?”

Kai hesitated before whispering, “Stomach hurts.”

Soobin’s heart tightened at the confession. “Is it like a cramping pain or nausea?” he asked softly, brushing stray strands of hair away from Kai’s forehead.

“Both,” Kai admitted, his eyes closing again as he shifted to rest his head on Soobin’s lap. Soobin continued stroking his hair. “Should I get you some water? Maybe it’ll help.”

Kai shook his head faintly. “No… Just wanna lay down.”

“Okay,” Soobin murmured, his voice filled with quiet reassurance. “I’ll stay right here, okay? Just rest.”

Soobin’s fingers moved gently through Kai’s hair, offering the younger boy whatever comfort he could. The rhythmic stroking seemed to help, as Kai’s tense body relaxed ever so slightly. Soobin hoped the soothing motion could ease Kai’s pain or at least distract him. And it was working.

But not long after, Kai’s stomach flipped, a new wave of nausea crashing over him with unbearable force. His eyebrows furrowed deeply as he clutched his stomach, a pained whimper escaping his lips. He felt terrible. He thought staying still and taking deep breaths will help him calm down. But as time passed, the painful, nauseated feeling only worsened.

Suddenly, his entire body tensed, and he jolted upright. “Hyung—” he managed to gasp before darting out of the room, hitting the doorframe on one side in the process.

“Kai!” Soobin called, immediately chasing after him. The other members, still seated at the dining table, exchanged confused glances as they watched the two disappear. Beomgyu tilted his head in confusion, about to make a comment, but stopped when a faint, unmistakable sound met their ears—retching.

Their eyes widened in realization. “He was feeling sick all day,” Taehyun whispered, guilt flickering in his calm expression.

Yeonjun rubbed his face, groaning. “That’s why he wanted to go home earlier. Argh I shouldn't have scolded him.”

In the bathroom, Kai hovered over the toilet, clutching the edge of the porcelain bowl as his body convulsed. The first wave brought up a large stream of half-digested lunch, knocking the air out of him as he coughed violently. The coughs turned into a gag as he gripped the rim of the bowl tightly yet again.

Soobin winced in sympathy, "Let it out, Kai. It's okay, you'll be fine." His hand firmly rubbing the maknae’s back. The other hand rested on Kai’s shoulder, steadying him as the younger boy trembled.

Sweat coated his pale face, his chest heaving as he gasped for air. He gagged again, his stomach lurching violently as he retched into the toilet. The sheer force of it made his entire body shake, and Soobin felt the weight of Kai leaning more heavily onto him.

“Hyung,” Kai whimpered weakly between breaths, his voice barely audible. "It hurts," he sniffled.

“It'll be over soon, Kai-ah. Hold on just a little more. I'm here,” Soobin reassured, his voice steady despite the worry etched across his face. He pressed a bit harder against Kai’s back, offering support as another wave hit.

Kai trembled under the strain, his body visibly weakening as the retching continued. At one point, he began to slump forward, his arms losing their strength. Soobin acted quickly, gently pulling him back by the shoulders and keeping him upright. “Easy,” Soobin whispered, his voice calm but deeply worried. “Lean on me if you need to.”

Kai just nodded faintly but regretted at the next moment as it left a dizzy spell, so couldn't but lean on Soobin with full weight. The dizziness brought another wave of nausea as he gagged again, his stomach spasming painfully as another torrent of vomit spilled into the toilet.

Before he could inhale properly, another gag hit him, his stomach lurching painfully as he heaved into the toilet. The sound was raw, and the force of it made his body jerk forward uncontrollably. Tears welled up in his eyes, spilling down his flushed cheeks as his breaths turned into quiet, shuddering sobs.

Soobin’s heart broke at the sight. “Oh, Kai-ah…” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly. “Hyung is here. I know this feels awful, but you’re doing so well.” Without hesitation, he shifted closer, one arm wrapping around Kai’s shoulders to steady him as the younger boy leaned against him, trembling.

"Do you think you're done?" Soobin asked when Kai was just leaning against him, breathing shallow and no longer gagging. Kai's voice trembled as he answered, "I- I don't know. I feel so awful." Tears spilled from his eyes as he spoke. He was not only feeling sick but guilty because Soobin had to take care of him. "I'm sorry hyung," he cried out.

"Shh, it's okay. No need to apologise. It's not your fault." Soobin whispered as he brushed Kai's sweaty bangs, grabbed tissue papers and wetting it to wipe the younger's face.

At that moment, a shadow appeared in the doorway. Soobin looked up to see Yeonjun standing there, worry etched across his face.

“Is he okay?” Yeonjun asked, his voice quiet but filled with regret.

Soobin met his eyes, understanding the unspoken guilt behind the question. Yeonjun didn’t need to say it—Soobin knew he was kicking himself for being harsh on Kai earlier.

“He’ll be fine,” Soobin replied softly. “Can you grab some water for him?”

Yeonjun nodded immediately and hurried off, leaving Soobin to focus on Kai, who was still slumped over the toilet, exhausted and trembling.

“You did well, Kai,” Soobin whispered, continuing to rub his back. “It’s over now. Just breathe.”

Kai let out a shaky exhale, leaning further into Soobin for support as he closed his eyes, too drained to even respond.

Yeonjun was back with the water. He crouched down beside the duo, "Drink a little bit of water. You'll feel better." Kai's lips trembled as he looked at Yeonjun with teary eyes, "N-no, I'll just throw it back up." Yeonjun's heart sank as he realised how sick Kai was feeling that he was scared to even drink water.

"It's okay. Whenever you're ready." Soobin reassured.

Tw: angst, panic attack, vomit, *headspace/littlespace

*Headspace/ littlespace: it's a stage when a character who didn't have enough love and care in the childhood suddenly falls into a headspace and feels like a kid when he's too stressed or something triggers it.

Soobin and Taehyun were running some errands in the mall. They shopped necessary goods and discussed the upcoming comeback schedule, promoting and stuff. Everything was going well. Until Taehyun saw a little kid asking his mom to buy him a toy as they were exiting a shop. His eyes glittered. It was a train with rail tracks, that activates with batteries. He wanted that too.

Soobin felt a tug on his sleeves. "What is it Taehyun-ah?"

Taehyun didn't say anything, just kept his eyes fixated on that toy. Soobin shook him a bit. "Hey, Taehyun-ah-"

"Appa!" And Soobin mentally facepalmed at that. Not now please. He didn't want any trouble in the mall. But nonetheless he talked with the little in a gentle voice. "Yes, Taehyunie?"

Taehyun looked at him with puppy eyes, "Wan' that toy." Soobin held his hands tightly since Taehyun could escape at any moment. "Not now." Soobin retorted.

"I wan' it pweaseee," Taehyun pleaded.

Soobin crouched down a little to whisper so that only Taehyun could hear. "We're in the mall, be a good boy, we need to go home, okay?"

"I am bein good boy. I just wan the magic train!" the younger whined and tried to free himself from Soobin's grip as he had expected.

Soobin didn't want to be late, because he had a lot of work to do. Send the supplies home then go to the company for a meeting with the manager. He really didn't have time for all this. Moreover he didn't have enough money on him to buy the toy at that moment. As Soobin was immersed in thought, Taehyun freed himself and ran like a little kitty to where the shopkeeper was showing the other kid the train thing. He stood there and watched the battery-activated-train move along the rail traks with glittery eyes.

"We didn't come here to buy toys, Taehyunie. Let's go home, our members are waiting." he felt Soobin grab his hand and pull him towards the exit, but Taehyun won't budge. "Nooo!" He whined and pouted, "Appa only buy Kai plushies and toy. Taehyunie wants one too!" He looked at Soobin with wattery eyes.

People at the shop were looking at them. Soobin looked around and squeezed little Taehyun's hand a bit hard to warn him about the situation, and whispered, "We're at the mall. Behave."

In response Taehyun only looked at him with eyes brimming with tears, "appa never scowld Kai-ah, only Taehyunie. Why?" His lips quivering.

Soobin was frustrated, he didn't like the attention and glances the people were giving, it'd be a huge problem if fans know Taehyun is a little. Moreover, their new comeback 'Sanctuary' was near, so of course people were head over heels to find spoilers and stalking. So he tightened the grip on Taehyun's hand and dragged him out of the shop. "Owch, hurts." Taehyun whined but the leader didn't even react to it, just dragged him straight out of the mall. Little did he know, his grip was too hard, that was surely gonna leave a bruise.

As soon as they got out of the mall, Soobin hurried to the parking lot and opened the passengers seat door and literally shoved the little inside. Don't even ask how much that hurt Taehyun, not physically, but mentally, his heart was aching. Was he a burden? Unshed tears pooled his eyes as watched his hyung starting the car and start driving, not even looking at him.

Taehyun felt that Soobin hated him. He felt like crying but he had to hold his tears. Because if he cries now, Soobin will hate him more. So he sucked a deep breath and tried to calm down.

Once they were on the highway, Soobin glanced at Taehyun. He was leaning his head on the window seal, eyes closed with a frown on his face. "Taehyuniee, are you okay? Do you feel carsick?" He was asking that because when Taehyun was in his headspace, he usually got carsick.

Taehyun didn't reply. He was awake but decided to keep quiet. Yes, he was definitely feeling carsick but he didn't want to be a burden, so kept quiet. He pretended to sleep as Soobin called him, "Taehyun-ah you okay?"

Not getting a reply, Soobin thought Taehyun was asleep and focused on driving. As Soobin drove towards the dorms, Taehyun only got more nauseous on each turn and bump. Can I really tell appa? Appa already hates Taehyunie, Taehyunie don't wanna be hated more.

He fought the urge to whine to Soobin about how he felt so sick and kept pretending to be asleep. He just wanted to be his appa's good little. No matter how nauseous he felt, he didn't make a sound, just squeezed his eyes tight to cope up with the pain in his stomach.

When Soobin reached home, he shook Taehyun gently to wake him up, "Taehyun-ah, we're home." Little did he know Taehyun was awake the whole time and was waiting so eagerly to hear those words, 'we're home'. That meant he could finally get out of the suffocating car. He opened his eyes and quickly opened the car door to get out of the congested space.

They went inside the dorm as Yeonjun greeted them, and Taehyun literally ran to him, crashing on him with a hug. Yeonjun hugged back giggling at the younger's cuteness, "What's up?" Oh how much he wanted that comfort.

"Taehyunie missed papa."

"Aww is my baby little?" Yeonjun cooed, ruffling his hair. Taehyun was still hugging him, literally latching onto him, "Mnmm", that meant yes.

"Don't spoil him too much, hyung," Soobin's sharp voice cut through. "You don't know what he did at the mall." His voice was full of annoyance, at least that's what Taehyun felt.

Yeonjun caressed his hair, "Really little one? What did you do? Wanna share with papa?"

Soobin again started, harsher this time, "Oh hyung! You don't know how much he embarrassed me in front of so many people. If only you had seen their glances." Taehyun felt his heart clench, he felt much smaller, and insecure. Not to mention he was already feeling extremely nauseous from the car ride earlier.

To put it simply, he felt awful, both physically and mentally. He had never felt so insecure before, he literally shrunk in Yeonjun's hold as the elder was asking him gently, "What did you do baby?"

Taehyun did not answer, he just let go of him and walked over to Kai. Kai was playing with his plushies and toys. He was also in little space. Taehyun just sat quietly beside him and stared. He noticed Kai had more toys and plushies than he did. He felt jealous.

Taehyun noticed it multiple times that Soobin loves Kai more. As if to confirm his thoughts, Soobin started, "He is so troublesome hyung. I wish he was easy to handle like Kai."

He could hear their conversation, Yeonjun was saying, "Don't say like that, Soobin. Taehyun is adorable. Just let him be the kid he wants to be."

"So? Does letting him be the kid he wants to be means bringing us trouble?!" Soobin was really frustrated, it was clear from his tone. He made an exasperated sigh, "I wish he was a bit more sensible."

Taehyun's heart clenched in pain. He didn't realise his favourite appa hated him this much. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He felt so insecure, vulnerable, his stomach twisting in knots with anxiety, and the already slightly upset tummy from the previous car ride wasn't helping either.

All of a sudden, he didn't want to care about anything anymore. He just wanted to be a little happy in his prison of sorrows. The big, haunting walls of insecurity and loneliness he couldn't push away. He tried; really tried to get out of the suffocation in his mind.

He thought of focusing on good things. That's why, he took one of Kai's toys in his hands, a small train. It was kind of similar to the one he saw at the store earlier. He quietly played with it, carefully eyeing every single detail.

The toy was nothing fancy, Taehyun just felt so insecure and vulnerable that he wanted to block out the whole world; because he knew no one loved him. That's why he tried to find happiness in the toy in his hands right now, which was also not his. Soobin didn't buy him toys like he did to Kai. His face puffed up with unshed tears he tried so hard to control. He didn't want to break down and prove them he was indeed a pathetic little who deserved to be hated.

"Taehyun-ah!"

Taehyun looked up. It was Soobin.

"Do you know I'm calling for the 5th time right now?"

Taehyun really didn't realise he was being called. He tried to apologise but no words could escape his throat. Was it fear? He gulped. Couldn't utter a word, just stared as if he was frozen. He tried to find love and softness in Soobin's eyes but it only looked more fierce and scary. He didn't even realise he was shaking.

"Why aren't you answering? Is that the manners we taught you?!" Soobin yelled as Taehyun practically flinched. Yeonjun rushed to calm him down, "Soobin, calm down. Why are you scolding him?"

Taehyun just watched in horror with wide eyes as the pit in him stomach grew larger. His heart ached as his breath hitched. He felt so scared.

Soobin totally ignored Yeonjun and asked, "Why did you steal Kai's toy?"

Steal? He didn't steal it. He was just playing with it. Did Kai complain about him stealing the toy?

Why? He felt betrayed.

Yeonjun asked, "wait, really?"

"He stwol it!" Kai pointed at him. He glanced at Kai. Why are you lying Kai? All of a sudden, Soobin grabbed his cheeks. It wasn't gentle like usual, way harsh. "I'm asking you a question!" Taehyun flinched again, eyes widening as his breathing became unstable.

He yanked him as his grip on his face tightened. It hurt. "Can't you talk?!" And that was the limit, Taehyun was so overwhelmed with fear as he felt the air knocked out of him; he wheezed. The toy dropped from his hands as he clutched his chest trying to breathe.

He couldn't breathe.

Soobin's eyes widened, realising what was happening. Before he could do anything, Yeonjun yanked his hand away protectively from Taehyun's face. "Don't touch him!" Yeonjun's eyes flared at him as he protectively wrapped his arms around Taehyun. Gently rubbing his arms and asking him to breathe slowly. Telling him to focus on his voice.

Soobin scooted away and just watched it with a throbbing heart. Was he responsible for this?

He watched as Taehyun gasped for air, clawing his throat. He was crying and whimpering, couldn't utter a single word; he was in too much pain to talk. He felt like dying. Rough memories of his childhood flashed through his mind, sending him chills and waves of nausea. Tears prickled his eyes and made their way flowing down his cheeks.

He couldn't hear anything, none of the comforting words the eldest was offering, he couldn't feel the eldest rubbing back and literally wrapping him in warm hold, guiding his head to his chest and stroking his hair. He couldn't feel any of that. He was trapped in his mind, pain and sorrows;detached from reality.

He choked, trying to breathe as he felt bile rising in the back of his throat. Taehyun lurched forward, putrid liquid mixed with an undigested slurry of breakfast splashed on the floor, some soiling his shirt and pants. Endless stream of tears flowed as he felt his stomach clawing at him. He whimpered as he felt the next wave coming. He gagged again bending forward as Yeonjun swiftly placed a trashcan under his chin. He rubbed the younger's back gently, offering comforting words. "It's okay Taehyun-ah, let it out. You're gonna be okay. I'm here." Although he didn't know the younger could process his words in that situation or not, he caressed him in the gentlest way possible, as if he was a fragile glass that could shatter anytime.

Taehyun coughed and heaved, bringing streams of vomit, he thought he'd pass out. Which he did soon after he had stopped throwing up.

Secured in Yeonjun's hold, he could finally breathe. The control his mind had over his physique fading, finally letting him have a break from the pain.

He was still shuddering and whimpering in his slumber of unconsciousness. Kai was already crying from what he had witnessed. He felt responsible for accusing Taehyun of stealing when he didn't.

Kai just wanted to prank him. It never crossed his mind that the outcome would be this dangerous. Kai was a little who liked to prank because it made him feel relieved from the stress. He didn't have any bad intentions though.

And Soobin on the other hand felt so guilty, he didn't know how he'd face Taehyun once he wakes up. Nonetheless he comforted Kai as the little was crying and helped Yeonjun in cleaning Taehyun up and putting him in bed.

"You know Soobin his psychiatrist said clearly to take care of Taehyun in his headspace gently because his trauma is way worse than Kai's? Yet you kept comparing him to Kai, and the worst thing is you said those words in front of him. He heard you say all that when you are the one he cherished the most in his headspace. Why? Because he felt comfortable with you, but what did you do? He was in headspace because he stressed and you stressed him even more to the point he had a panic attack!"

Soobin listened hanging his head low, muttering sorries from time to time. He would surely apologise to Taehyun when he wakes up.

---------------------------------------------

Should I write a SECOND PART?