f i z e l l e

One weekend, Ina made her way down to Bindings, her favourite book store. But as she stepped inside and took in the smell of well-worn pages, she was hit with a sudden nostalgia that made her heart ache. Ina recalled the many occasions Bea and herself went here. Sometimes ending up pressed against the stacks, other times just peacefully reading together, enjoying the simplicity of each other's company. She felt a lump beginning to form in her throat and left the store in frustration; almost everything she did reminded her of Bea. She was so interwoven into Ina’s life that she found it completely impossible to do anything without thinking of her. Ina decided she could no longer go on like this, the lack of closure was driving her insane. She began to form a plan in her mind to demonstrate how sorry she was and how much she regretted the hurt she had caused

Her first task was to make her way back into Bindings and venture to the fantasy section. She knew that Bea had a particular weakness for fantasy novels and tried her best to recall the specific book Bea had picked up last time the pair read together. Finding the book on the shelves, she picked it up and opened the cover. A note fell out onto the floor and she bent down to retrieve it, instantly recognising the writing as belonging to Bea. The note read

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

9/10

Needs more lesbians

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ina found herself chuckling at Bea’s evaluation of the book and she slipped the note back inside the cover before making her way to the counter and purchasing the book

Her next stop was the movie store just down the street from Bindings. She made her way inside and began the hunt for a very specific, and very amazing, movie (although she’d never admit to Bea just how amazing it was.)

She found it nestled in amongst several movies with obscure sounding erotica names; the organisation of the store was... Interesting. Nothing seemed to be in the right place at all and Ina wondered if the store had ever been organised since it opened its doors many years ago. Nevertheless, she made her way to the counter to purchase the movie

“Buying for a little ‘un?” The shopkeeper asked, in an attempt to make small talk. The question made Ina smile slightly as she held back laughter

“Something like that”

Once she had paid for the movie, she put it into the bag holding the fantasy novel and wished the shopkeeper a good day.

Her final stop was the flower store close to Belvoir’s campus. Upon entering the shop she was hit by a wave of cool air and the scent of blooms of all kinds. She began to look around for some of the flowers she knew were Bea’s favourites, violets and primroses, when she heard her name being called from elsewhere in the store

“Professor Kingsley!” She turned around to spot Chloe St. James looking rather enthusiastic next to a very bored looking Veronica Lombardi. Chloe waved vigorously at the professor

“OMG professor, what are you doing here?” Veronica rolled her eyes as she whipped out her phone, thumbs moving rapidly across the screen

“She’s obviously buying flowers, Chlo. What are you, dense?” Chloe’s brow furrowed in confusion

“I don’t know what that means but I’m not that. I was just wondering who professor Kinglsey is buying flowers for” Veronica didn’t even bother to look up from her phone as she snapped back a retort

“Why Chlo, hoping they’re for you?” Chloe’s cheeks reddened at Veronica’s question and she refused to answer, turning away to fuss with some of the flowers next to her

“It was just a question” She mumbled quietly and Ina raised an eyebrow at the strange conversation. However, she couldn’t let this interaction distract her from her goal. But seeing as her own students were in the shop, she had to come up with a convincing excuse as to why she was buying flowers; they couldn’t know they were for Bea

“It’s quite alright Chloe, I’m just buying flowers for Lillian” Chloe’s eyes widened

“Is she ,like, your girlfriend or something?” Ina felt herself internally cringe at this question and the feeling most definitely showed on her face as her eyebrows knitted together

“No, Lillian is my sister” Veronica snorted in amusement without her expression changing from her current one and Chloe reddened further before grabbing Veronica’s arm and pulling her out of the shop

“We have to go now, bye professor!” She practically ran out, Veronica trailing behind. Ina shook her head in disbelief before making her way to the florist at the front of the store who smiled warmly at her

“Hi there, what would you like me to make for your sister?” Ina smiled sheepishly

“I-uh. The flowers aren’t actually for my sister” The florist raised an eyebrow, a look of mischief crossing her face

“Then for a lover, perhaps?” Ina sighed dejectedly

“Well, kind of, I suppose. If you really wanted to put it that way” The florist laid a comforting hand on Ina’s forearm, sensing the sadness behind the sigh

“We’ll make them something wonderful I promise. So what’ll it be?” Ina smiled gently at the kindness in the shopkeeper’s voice before detailing the bouquet she wanted for Bea, making sure to highlight the importance of violets and primroses

As the florist got to work on the bouquet, adding flowers and greenery of all kinds, Ina felt compelled to describe the falling out she had with Bea. Something about this shopkeeper was so comforting and she felt she could trust them with (almost) all the details, save for Bea being her student. The florist listened intently while they worked, reacting with emotion to the situation. Once Ina had finished recounting the events she sighed and thanked the shopkeeper for listening as they finished up the bouquet. They placed a blank card onto the counter and handed Ina a pen

“Perhaps you would like to write a heartfelt message? To express your regret and apologies” Ina picked up the pen and held it poised above the card, she had no idea where to start or how to fit all she felt on such a small space

“Where do I even begin?”

“Just tell her what you told me, you regret hurting her and want to apologise for her. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, at least she will know you tried.” Ina nods decisively before getting to work. On one side she wrote some words from the poem Bea and Ina share

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Beloved, Let us once more praise the rain

Let us discover some new alphabet,

For this, the often praised; and be ourselves,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the other side she wrote her apology, but she didn’t ask for forgiveness, she just wanted Bea to know how much she regrets hurting her

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I never should have said those things to you

My heart aches to know the pain I have caused

Know that I am sorry

Ina X

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Once she had finished, Ina stood upright and took the bouquet from the florist who smiled and wished her luck

Ina’s final stop was Bea’s place of residence. She felt the nervousness begin to build up in her stomach and the self doubt creeping in. Ina reminded herself that all that mattered was for Ina to try her hardest to end Bea’s pain. Once she got to the apartment door, Ina took a deep breath before knocking, the flowers in one hand and the bag containing the book and movie in the other. She heard shuffling around from behind the door before it flew open and a hand shot out to pull her inside

“Ina! What do you think you’re doing?” Bea quickly shut the door and turned to face her, arms crossed

“Anyone could have seen you out there” Ina looks at the floor sheepishly, guilt flowing freely through her

“I’m sorry Bea. I just don’t think we can go on like this. I need you to know how much I regret hurting you” She hands Bea the flowers and bag

“These are for you. A representation of the effort I am willing to put in to make it up to you, even if you do not forgive me” Bea’s eyes widened at the beautiful flowers and she held them to her nose to inhale the scent. At this moment she spotted the small card nestled within the bouquet, the words of the poem facing her. Wordlessly she plucked the card out and read it, turning it over to spot the message on the back. Once she read the message, she put the flowers to one side and placed the bag on the floor.

“I hope this is okay, Bea. I apologise if I have overstepped” Bea stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Ina, tears filling her eyes and threatening to spill over. Ina hesitated before returning the embrace, uncertainty and relief flooding into her

“I forgive you” Bea whispers quietly which causes Ina to pull away momentarily to look Bea in the eyes

“I did not do this to be forgiven, I just want you to know I am sorry and that I will do anything to lessen the hurt I have caused” Bea smiled a little as she rolled her eyes, the tears finally spilling over. She pulled Ina back in for another hug, planting a soft kiss on her cheek

“Well I forgive you anyways” Ina hugged Bea fiercely, not wanting to let her go as she couldn’t bear the thought of ever being apart from her again. After several moments, Bea pulled back and retrieved the bag from the floor

“I thought you might enjoy those things I bought you” Bea firstly pulled out the fantasy book and chuckled as she read the note she’d previously written. Next she pulled out the movie Ina had bought, the chuckle becoming a full on laugh. Shrek 2.

“Admit it, you love Shrek just as much as I do” Ina shrugged sheepishly as her cheeks darkened