my brain is joker mush lol

I wish I weren't too much of a pussy to se//lf ha//rm the right way. I usually just scratch my arms until they bleed. I recently tried cu//tting myself with scissors but chickened out since I'm too scared to actually draw blo//od

I wish I never got used to feeling even slightly okay and happy. I wish I never got used to feeling safe and accepted and loved. I never deserved any of it. I was so stupid. I should've known better than to get used to it. I deserve to be hurt and used over and over again. that's all I'm good for. that's what I really deserve

I think I just need to die. everything that ever made me happy has been suddenly ripped away from me. the only thing I had left in life is probably something I'm going to have to give up. I have no reason to keep living. I have nothing left to wake up in the morning or do anything for. I have no reason to stop self harming. my life is pointless now

Even if there does come a day when therapy finally works for me and I'm better it's going to be too late for me. I'll be too old to do any of the things I've always wanted to. Everyone I know will probably be tired of me by then. I'll have wasted most of my life. I'll still be completely alone. I live in a house where my grandparents want to keep me as dependent on them as possible and they don't let me do things on my own, so even if I do get to move out one day I'll have no idea what to do. It'll be too late for me

dear god pls someone remind me of what a horrible stupid piece of shit I am. remind me that I can;t be loved bt anyone and that i desrbe to be hurt. pls pls pls remind me of how unloavleb I am. tell me I deserved all the abuse I went through and that nobody would miss me if I were gone pls tell me how everyone in my life hates me. I'm begging pls let me know that everyone would be happier without me so maybe one day it'll be easier to kill mysefl

sending myself anon hate as a bizarre form of self harm

Maybe I am just as fucked up as my dad. Maybethis is what he wanted all along

I've come to accept the fact that I can't be loved. It's been made clear my whole life that I can never be loved. I can only be hurt. I deserve to be hurt. I need to be reminded every day that I can't be loved by anyone and that I don't deserve it

Sending myself anon hate as some bizarre form of self harm. Part of me wishes someone else would send me hate so it would hurt more. I need to be reminded of how awful I really am

I need to be reminded that I can't be loved

I need to be reminded that I'm unlovable. I need to be reminded that I'm actually a terrible person. I deserve to be abused and hurt and abandoned over and over again. I don't deserve safety or love or comfort. I deserve constant pain and suffering

everyone I know hates me. they won't say it but I know for a fact they do