Slime City!

Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I do

Man he just yelled ‘I want him alive’ to his goons, it’s so over.

the procrastinator’s mind will invent distractions you’ve never conceived of in order to avoid tasks even a dog could do.

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

where is transgender flag "I'M TOO FAT FOR THIS HEAT"

it's that time of the year again folks

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

“ice water makes you sick” “ice water gives you stomach cramps” i’m sorry if i have a hardy and oxlike american constitution but unless you have underlying health issues, the only water temperature that should cause adverse health effects is if you chug a gallon of boiling hot water that has also been laced with nefarious chemicals

Yeah, most people haven’t and never will so this won’t actually happen to me.

This misinformation is actually dangerous. If you drink ice cold water after workout, you can freeze and crack your gut mucus that protects you from your own digestión acids and could create an ulcer.

also note for everyone under extreme heat this summer who has access safe to ice: you can just hold an ice cube in your mouth to cool yourself down. it's good for you

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

you have to kill the fatphobe that lives in your head. you have to

I understand dysmorphia is so hard to deal with, but you have to shut that shit down as soon as it creeps in. It's so important that you do not accept the fatphobia that lives in your head just because you're nice to fat people on the outside. Your life will be so much better and you will be such a better ally to fat people please I am no longer asking you need to kill the fatphobe that lives in your head

It 100% affects the relationship you have with fat people by the way. When you can still wear straight sizes but you're constantly complaining about how big and fat you feel and how terrified you are of people seeing your stomach in public, we fucking notice that. We notice and we are making a note that you are not a safe person to be openly fat around without risking being in the splash zone of your self loathing

Faux leather was the worst thing ever created

Lets take a material that can last decades with the right treatment and care and fucking replicate it with the most dogshit ugly flimsiest animal extinction microplastics smells bad unsexual rips in four days garbage disgusting saran wrap we can think of. Ostensibly for vegans.

also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can

idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????

'whats your favorite apple' 'red' 'no i mean like what type' '??????' actual conversatiom i've had with a mutual from usa

the world is so big and beautiful